Oh my God. Is this not the most beautiful redhead you’ve ever seen? She makes Jessica Rabbit look like a truckload of suck. Jessica Chastain, I am enchanted.
Da f-ck is this? Kristin Chenoweth, girl, you gotta reign it in. You’re dressed like you’re going to a Jennifer Lopez costume party.
Amy Adams‘ gown is beautiful but I know I’ve seen something really similar to it before a few years ago on someone. Maybe on Penelope Cruz? Or Charlize Theron? So I’m just kind of like, whatever.
If this was Michelle Pfeiffer I would be saying, “Daaaaamn she looks good!” But it isn’t, it’s AMANDA FREAKIN’ SEYFRIED and so my response is, “Holy shit!!!” She looks like she aged 10 years! And also, my God, Karen, follow Regina’s lead and get on an all-carb diet! This makes me sad. She had a hot body and now for whatever reason she’s half the size. And it’s not like she’s going Christian Bale Machinist here. This isn’t for a movie or a role. This is just what’s expected of actresses — at some point in their career, they get super crazy skinny and we’re supposed to be okay with it.
Well this is a bit much, isn’t it? Did Jennifer Lawrence have a wedding today we didn’t know about?
I don’t even know what to say about this contraption that Zoe Saldana is wearing. Anyone want to help me?
Who keeps inviting Jason Schwartzman to places where he has to wear a suit? He’s not good at it. He never gets it to fit right. And he’s always so close! I am loving this Clark Gable mustache and hair thing he has going though.
Sally Field looks super cute! The train is way too much but she looks so fresh-faced and pretty. She’s a super sweet lady too, by the way. P.S. SUPER!
LOL Olivia Munn, you look so stupid. (Look, the site is called Evil Beet, okay? So I’m gonna lay this shit out like a rug. I’m not going to mince words. Mincing is for onions. For tacos. Oh man I wish I had some tacos right now.)
Michelle Obama’s arch nemesis Kerry Washington looks so pretty but then you have the classic scroll down where something unfortunate happens and bam, it’s a train. What is with all these trains this year?
Eff yeah Helena Bonham Carter, I can always count on you to show up as Marla Singer, complete with a crazed look in your eyes. Thank you for this. I think she’s the most generous woman in Hollywood. She’s got her own style and flaunts it like she’s saying, “Yeah, ladies, I know I’ll get worst dressed this year. I’ll take the bullet for you. I don’t give a f-ck.”
Melissa McCarthy is here wearing grey so brace yourselves for the inevitable onslaught of mean comments comparing her to an elephant. Boy oh boy, I can’t wait for that! /sarcasm.
Bryan Cranston arrived with his wife, Robin Dearden. I can’t even handle what she’s wearing, but Cranston looks dapper as always. Jason Schwartzman, this is an example of a suit that fits. Study it. Stop playing with your mustache and study it.
Jane Fonda. Oh sweet lady Jane, we have to talk about this. You’re just as beautiful and slim as ever, and you’re ruining it by dressing in this 1980’s Barbie-Goes-To-The-Oscars dress. And the hair isn’t helping. Why are you doing this to me? I love you.
Charlize Theron. Uh, okay. I, uh. Okay. Well, uh. Okay. Hey, at least it’s not boring!
Oh man, I just remembered that Jennifer Hudson has an Oscar. And here she is in some sort of 1970’s Cher throwback, like straight-up Bob Mackie style. She looks great it in, and I might be able to be fine with it if not for those shoes.
This flawless bitch right here, oh my God. Catherine Zeta-Jones with Michael Douglas. This is my favorite look so far.
THIS is Norah Jones?? What???
Reese Witherspoon, wearing something kind of similar to what Helen Hunt is wearing but slightly more interesting. Ugh, so now I have to post Helen Hunt’s dress, and I don’t want to because it’s so boring. But okay.
Helen Hunt looking great yet boring.
Dusty Springfield Adele. SO much better than her Grammy’s look.
So glad the most boring woman alive could be here, AKA Jennifer Aniston. I think I like the color. Not much else. Oh, I like the hair.
OMFG Nicole Kidman you goddess. I love this weird dress. LOVE. That effing train though. Also wish you wore your hair down with this, like CZJ. Still. Stunning.
Gael Garcia Bernal, of Y Tu Mama Tambien. I love this dude. No idea why his sunglasses looked Photoshopped on. I didn’t do anything.
Actress Fan Bingbing. DAMN this is daring. I love it. I love that she took the risk, not necessarily the outfit itself. That color is beautiful on her though.
I think Anne Hathaway is going for some sort of Audrey Hepburn thing here. The necklace with that neckline is clumsy, and the hem is way too long.
DanRaaaaaad I love you, your suit fits, let’s do it in an Arby’s parking lot.
OH GOD I NEED A DRINK I FEEL LIKE I’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOREVER. WHAT YEAR IS IT???
Hey look, it’s Naomi Watts! Love her, love the dress, not sure I love the hair.
KStew looking awkward as ever. I have nothing against her. At all. But this is a hot mess. This is so hot mess it transcends hot mess. It’s a masterclass in hot mess.
Here’s Halle Berry as Tron. The whole movie.
Okay, that’s all I got. Oh wait PS:
This is diabolical. Sorry, Salma.
Which outfits were your favorite/least favorite?
34 CommentsLeave a comment
Halle Berry is almost dressed as doppler-effect.
Sheldon Cooper’s perfect date
Zoe Saldana and Amanda S look great. Actually I don’t agree with most of your fashion critics. are you okay?
I am just so freaking bored of seeing the same freaking dresses all the freaking time! But yeah, I’m okay, thanks for asking.
The darts on the top of Anne Hathaway’s dress make her look very nipply. Nicole Kidman’s dress looks like she dipped herself in tar. Jennifer Aniston would look really good without the elongated peplum part of her dress. The lower part of Helen Hunt’s dress either has too much fabric or it is too stiff. She looks swaddled from the waist down. I think whoever made Melissa McCarthy’s dress must hate her. Her hair and makeup look great, but the grey washes her out and the cut of the dress makes her look like she has no waist. Or, actually no figure at all. Other than that, Jane Fonda has lost her mind, and Catherine Zeta Jones, of course, can do no wrong.
I don’t agree with most of your critiques, but still. Love your writing. I’m loving the hair-swishing diva behind Salma. Get it girl!
No seriously what the heck happened to Norah Jones.
Actually I’m not done. She looks like she had a horrible accident and her entire face was reconstructed. Why does she look like a completely different person?!! Her eyes are not even the same. How does one change eyes?
you have a weird fasion sense , a lot of your critiques were way off
Fashion is like art: it’s subjective. I used to work in fashion and the thing is, at a certain point, you’re just desperate to see something new and different. So that’s where my critiques are coming from, and that’s why they seem weird. :)
OMFG…do fashion posts ALL THE TIME. You made me laugh out loud repeatedly. Love this post.
THANK YOU! THIS TOOK ME FOREVER TO DO SO THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Yeah, really. The Halle Berry one made me laugh hard.
i totally agree. the “j lo costume party” was spot on. i wish those were a thing – i would definitely attend, most likely in a velour onesie and platform sneaks.
THERE IS NO WAY THAT CAN BE NORAH JONES.
I am waiting for that to be corrected…… it just.. has to be.
Also agree with the Anne Hathaway “nippley” comment. TOTALLY. Why is her dress so plain — this is HER year… what was she thinking?! “I am 99.9% going to be accepting an award this year, better wear a plain thin dress that accentuates my nipples!”
Schwartzman has a molestache.
If there was a drinking game for every time someone under-whelmed, I’d be completely blotto’d right now. I’m glad I went for a run and a margarita instead.
Did someone already wear a dress super similar to J. Hud’s? I swear I’ve seen something similar but can’t put my finger on it.
I actually really liked Salma Hayek’s dress, but agreed with most of your assessments otherwise.
Here’s a fun fact for you: Helen Hunt’s dress was from H&M!!! What kinda fuckery?
Secondly, I LOVE JENNIFER ANISTON. SPEAK NO ILL!
Oh I am so glad you are here because I was not a fan of the writing on here since Wendie left and you are just fabulous. Writing styles, much like fashion, are subjective I suppose.
Anyway why does Jennifer Aniston keep getting invited to this shit? So boring I could cry. Jennifer Lawrence looked like she made her dress out of a doona. Go find Stacey Keibler, she looked amazing!
Yes, good writing indeed. Chastain stole it lock, stock, and barrel.
Loved this post! Loved it :)
Amanda Seyfried looked amazing to me. Halle Berry’s dress- loved it. It’s cut and tailored so well. CZJ looks awesome. Amy Adams love, Jessica Chastain love.
Kristen Stewart- wash your hair! It’s the Oscars!
Dead on! Best part – “Jennifer Lopez costume party”. Still laughing. On that note, Jane Fonda looked like she was going to a Dynasty costume party.
Best dress critique EVAH!
Thank you so much! I will have to throw a Jennifer Lopez costume party one day.
I’m hot-gluing sequins already!
I’m gonna quote dlisted because it’s so right: Adele always looks like an italian widow.
Also in my opinion Naomi Watts and Stacy Keibler were best dressed.
Huge fail: Heidi Klum.
Oh my stars, the Italian widow thing is so good.
I agree with most of what you said. I did like Jennifer Lawrence’s dress, but most other dresses were just so….blah. Very little that was exciting. Except Fan Bing Bing! LOVED!
Boycott Hanoi Jane Fonda. American Traitor Bitch!
helena’s so tim burton! love. uht.
naomi watts is the tits as they say. well the dress anyway – FAB.
schwartzman gives me a boner despite the ill fitting suit.
walter white is looking fine as hale.
and jane fonda is a robot.
LOLOLOL @ arby’s parking lot
WOO NICE DRESS DEAR AWESOME
this article is loud.