Dakota Fanning is totes “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” at the Palm Springs Film Festival Awards on Tuesday night. At 14, she’s finally starting to shed her little kid face, but it’s still there. (Compare this to Ali Lohan, who’s the same age but looks to be about 28.)

And I know we’re supposed to say “they grow up so fast!” and all, but, really, I feel like Dakota Fanning has been a little girl forever. That girl has had the longest damn childhood ever. Every time I hear about her, I’m like, “Man, Dakota Fanning must be so old by now” and then it turns out she’s still pretty much pre-pubescent.

Hurry up and age, Dakota. You’re sooooo boring like this.

If you can believe it, sources on the set of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s show, The Ghost Whisperer (Seriously? That’s still on? And they canceled Studio 60? There is no God.), say that she’s seemed less than happy since she ended her relationship with longtime boyfriend and fiance, Ross McCall.

“She is usually very bubbly, but she is more quiet and seems sad,” the source says. “She usually hangs out with the crew between takes, but [Tuesday] she is only hanging out with her bodyguard.”

The source adds that skipping work wasn’t an option for the actress. “She is always so professional,” says the source. “She would never even think to miss a day of work because of personal problems.”

Eh, I like giving JLove a hard time as much as the next guy (remind me some time to tell you guys my Jennifer Love Hewitt story from before she was famous), but my heart goes out to her here. This woman has been in and out of more relationships than I care to count, and one of them finally looked like it was going to stick, and then BAM. It’s over. She’s like a Jennifer Aniston in training. Actually, that’s not true. Jennifer Aniston never got fat. Ba-dum-bum-CHING! Your rants go in the comments.

Ahem.

Total. Awesomeness.

In a bizarre incident that will surely lead to litigation (or an out-of-court settlement), a skier at Colorado’s ritzy Vail resort was left dangling upside down and pantsless from a chairlift last Thursday morning. The January 1 mishap apparently occurred after the male skier, 48, and a child boarded a high-speed lift in Vail’s Blue Sky Basin. It appears that the chairlift’s fold-down seat was somehow not in the lowered position, which caused the man to partially fall through the resulting gap. His right ski got jammed in the ascending chairlift, and that kept him upended since his boot never dislodged from its binding. As seen in the photos on the following pages (which were snapped by fellow skiers), the Skyline Express lift was stopped shortly after the pair’s botched boarding resulted in the man dangling from the lift. The exposed skier was stuck for about 15 minutes before Vail personnel backed the lift up and successfully dislodged the unidentified man from the four-seat chair. The images on page four and five were taken by Marty Odom (who can be reached at martyodm@gmail.com if you’re interested in licensing the photos). In a statement released this afternoon, Vail Resorts, which operates the ski area, reported that the skier was not injured after being “suspended for approximately seven minutes.” The press release did not explain how the mishap occurred, only that “the man was caught on the chair.”

Source via High Industrial

Today in questionable lawsuit threats:

A young woman selected by police to trick the paparazzi assembled at Los Angeles International Airport for the recently hatched teen’s arrival back in September is threatening to sue the LAX Police Department—because apparently she didn’t agree to pose as the younger Spears sister.

Counsel for the would-be plaintiff, Adessa Eskridge, is demanding $2 million to fully compensate for the “humiliation, fear and harassment” Eskridge suffered when she deplaned and, without prior knowledge of what awaited, walked right into the flashbulb jungle.

Per the claim and attached letter, dated Sept. 30, Eskridge agreed to assist the police, but had no idea what she was actually signing up for.

“Ms. Eskridge had no idea and was NEVER informed that upon deplaning, she would be mobbed by the paparazzi, that she would be in fear of her well-being, that her picture would be taken, that video of her would be all over the world-wide-web as well as being played and replayed on TMZ…who, as LAX-PD is aware, is stationed at LAX full time,” wrote Marina Del Ray-based attorney R.J. Molligan.

Furthermore, Eskridge “had no idea that her privacy would be invaded and her identity made synonymous with ‘fake Jamie Lynn Spears—a nobody,’ ” Molligan continued.

Jesus Christ, what did she think she was being asked to do? I’ve read the complaint (it’s here) and basically they’re like “Pay up or we’ll tell the media about all the trickery involved here.” Like, what the fuck did the LAX PD tell her if they didn’t tell her the truth?

I remember that, after the fact, there was some trouble at LAX because the police there were in no way authorized to pull this decoy shit.

I for one would like to hear the whole story.

Congrats to the happy couple, who became parents to a healthy baby girl on Tuesday in Los Angeles. The couple already have one daughter, Violet, age 3.

So far, no news on what the baby’s name might be, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for Magenta.

While the rest of the economy is kind of tanking, we’re still doing pretty good around here, and that’s in large part due to the awesomeness of you readers. Thank you for your loyalty and your e-friendship. You guys make my day, every day.

I know that you guys want to see more frequent posting, and I can appreciate that. I want to do everything I can do accommodate that, but it’s tricky because I’m a one-man show during the weekdays, and this job isn’t actually as easy as it looks. So, in the next month or so, Wendie is going to start helping me out during the weekdays — no, I am not leaving, you’ll just get more frequent updates from Evil Beet Gossip in general during the week.

As such, we’re looking to hire a weekend writer again. This is a PAID position. The requirements haven’t changed:

- Weekend availability
- Comprehensive knowledge of and love for celebrity gossip
- Strong, well-developed, unique writing voice
- Impeccable spelling and grammar
- computer know-how (you don’t have to be a genius, but you need to know your way around a computer and be able to use some basic image editing software)
- You must be at least 18 years old
- You must either have a mailing address in the U.S. or able to accept payment via PayPal

If you applied last time, please feel free to apply again. You will not be penalized for using the same writing samples, although you are, of course, welcome to change them up.

If you have a blog, please send me the link to it, even if it’s not about celebrity gossip. I definitely found going through applications last time that I gave priority to the people who submitted their blogs — it’s just the best way for me to see how you write for an Internet audience.

If you don’t have a blog, or if you feel your blog isn’t a complete representation of your writing, please send along writing samples. Again, the samples can be about anything, but obviously I’m looking for something that shows off your voice and sense of humor.

Applications should be sent to evilbeet@gmail.com with the subject line “EB Job Application.” If you send it with a different subject line it will probably not get looked at. Deadline is 5 pm PST on Monday, January 13.

So far, 2009 has not been a stellar year for romance.

Now on the chopping block: Patricia Arquette, who’s divorcing her husband Thomas Jane, citing irreconcilable differences. The two have a 5-year-old daughter, Harlow Olivia Calliope Jane. Ha! So Harlow wasn’t really Nicole Richie’s idea!!! She totes stole it from Patricia.

We were contacted by some folks who are developing a line of T-shirts for Big Rob, that gigantic dude who used to be the bodyguard for Britney Spears and is now the bodyguard for the Jonas Brothers.

Apparently the guy has a catch phrase, and it is — you ready for this? — “Suuupp?!!”

And they’re making a line of T-shirts with this phrase on the front and “BIG ROB’S 4 REAL” on the back, and I thought to myself, “If there’s anyone who needs these T-shirts, it is my readers.”

No, that’s not true, and I actually wrote back to them to be like, “Um, we are perhaps not your target demographic” and they wrote back like “No! We want YOUR readers! Evil Beet’s readers specifically,” and I was like, “Well, they do rock.”

Then I thought about it some more, and a part of me just knew that reading your responses to this contest would be well worth running the damn thing, so here’s the contest question(s). You can answer EITHER one (or both, if you feel like it, but you only need to answer one to be entered).

If I were Britney Spears’ bodyguard, my T-shirt would say ____________________ .

OR

If I were the Jonas Brothers’ bodyguard, my T-shirt would say ____________________ .

I’ll choose the three funniest entries, and these people will win free Big Rob shirts. Winners must have mailing addresses in the U.S.

Send your entry with the subject line “Big Rob Contest” to evilbeet@gmail.com. Entries must be received by 5 pm Thursday.

If you want to bypass the contest and buy the shirts directly, they’re available from Sheila Cameron here.

In addition to The Shannon Twins, Hugh Hefner’s Pussy Squad has added Crystal Harris, a 22-year-old student at San Diego State University.

Crystal introduced herself on an E! online message board over the holidays, telling fans that “Hef gave me permission to fill people in on the new updates as a voice from the mansion.”

No other girlfriends are in the mix at this time, she says, but “there are a couple that we have interest in. … As for now, it is just us three.”

I love it. “A couple that we have interest in.” It’s like rush. They make them all do the Playboy Cheer and then vote by secret ballot or some shit.

Crystal’s never been in the magazine, but she did appear in a series of topless and semi-nude photos as a Co-ed of the Week on Playboy.com in late October under the name “Crystal Carter.”

Her MySpace page is here.

When I read that Michael Phelps would be traveling to China as part of a seven-figure deal to endorse the new Mazda 6 model in a series of ad campaigns and personal appearances, I just had this sudden influx of mental images of Michael Phelps and his size-fourteen penis cramped into a little Miata. Heh.

But it’s looking like it could be the largest single sponsorship deal for a Western celebrity in China’s history.

And you people can say what you want about Michael Phelps, but, twenty years from now, no one will remember his eight Olympic gold medals or the fact that he spent the following year whoring himself out to every company who would take him. But Michael Phelps will still be driving eight expensive sports cars around his own private island and fucking supermodels with the eleventy gazillion dollars he’s going to make this year. Rock on, Michael.

A Vogue cover girl is suing Google in an attempt to unmask the blogger who trashed her as a “skank” and an “old hag.”

Liskula Cohen, a blond beauty who has modeled for Giorgio Armani and Versace, made headlines last year when a doorman at a Manhattan hot spot was jailed after smashing her in the face with a vodka bottle.

Now she wants to force Google to reveal who slammed her online as the “#1 skanky superstar” on a blog hosted by the search engine’s subsidiary.

“It’s petty, it’s stupid and it’s pathetic,” Cohen said of the sniping. “And when I do find out who did this, at least I’ll know who my enemies are.”

The defamation suit, filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, seeks a court order compelling Google and its Blogger.com service to identify whoever led the vicious Internet assault against Cohen.

Her lawyer Steven Wagner conceded it’s not easy to identify bloggers who lob insults anonymously, as New York courts have generally declined to force them into the light.

“We think we have a case,” he said. “This is libelous, it’s defamatory and you shouldn’t just get away with this.”

On the site, Cohen is ridiculed as a desperate “fortysomething” who “may have been hot 10 years ago.”

The Canadian cutie is actually 36, according to records.

“Desperation seeps from her soul, if she even has one,” the site spews.

The stinging posts have been met on the blog with fiery comments in Cohen’s defense from someone identified only as “liveandlove.”

“Are you one of those little dumpy girls who hang off her every word?” liveandlove wrote. “Or do you wait three hours in line at a club, when she breezes right in?” Cohen’s mystery defender also theorized that the mean posts were the work of a “silly, silly fat girl.”

What do you guys think?

Should bloggers be required by law to “unmask” themselves before hurling insults? (My full name, by the way, is in the sidebar of this website, and has been for quite a few years now.)

By the way, this Cohen chick is 36 years old. You’d think she’d have outgrown this sort of nonsense by now.

Here’s a lovely clip of Sanjaya Malakar performing his new song “A Quintessential Lullaby” in what I can only assume is the Build-a-Bear store of some mall in Renton or some shit. Sanjaya’s new album, Dancing to the Music in My Head, comes out January 20, and you can preview some more of the tracks here.

I’m hoping the album cover is a photo of the back of Sanjaya’s head, his hair braided out to spell the word “FAIL,” because that’s what this shit is gonna be.