There were a hundred, but we’re just going to talk about the Top 5, because that’s always the most important part of the list, when you’re “ranking” people, right? The higher echelon? Because the rest of the list wasn’t all that impressive (really, Maxim? You really felt the need to put J Woww at slot number 74, higher than Christina Hendricks and Kat Dennings? Because come on), we’re going to feature the top five, and if you really feel the compulsion to find out who the other 95 women were, you can mosey on over to Maxim‘s site and check them out there. I don’t even know who some of the women were.

Ahem.

#5 – Olivia Wilde

#4 – Katy Perry

#3 – Mila Kunis

#2 – Olivia Munn

#1 – Bar Refaeli

First, who made this list? A fifteen-year-old boy? Second, is said list from 2009, because I can think of a zillion other hot chicks that should be in the Top 5 list for 2012, and not one of these ladies (hot as they are) should be in the top 5. Third? The “world’s most beautiful women”? I know lots of people go crazy for Katy Perry and her fabulous rack, but I thought “most beautiful” generally meant “faces,” and not “bodies.” I don’t know.

Who belongs? Who doesn’t? Who thinks that the staff should be flogged with a herpe-infused cat o’nine tails for even including J Woww on the damn list?

Not to be outdone by Christina Hendricks and her fabulous nude body, my favorite girl Olivia Munn also had a nude leak over the past twenty-four hours, too. The shots show Olivia in various stages of undress, in bikinis, in lingerie, and finally, the icing atop the cake, a full-frontal nude shot. Didn’t know girlfriend had it in her (OK, bad joke; of course I knew. You can practically see it in the one photo, jeez Louise).

Check out the NSFW photos after the jump, as well as what Olivia had to say about them.

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So, wait now. Olivia Munn is posing for PETA, which means not only is she anti-fur (duh), but she must be a vegetarian or vegan or something, right? PETA’d probably have absolutely nothing to do with her otherwise – does that sound like an OK connection to make?

That assumption being made, I just can’t see Olivia Munn as a vegetarian. Because she’s too much of a “guy’s girl,” duh, and in pushing that whole “I’m a hot nerd!” thing so far really kind of eeks you into the realm of “I’m a guy in a hot chick’s body,” and stereotypically speaking, what’s less “guyish” than not eating large, honking lumps of animal muscle and gristle and fat? No, I think Olivia Munn’s completely alright with the double-bacon burger fixation that she very well could have, but selling out to PETA when your target audience isn’t anti-meat-consumption fur-haters who pelt those they disagree with paint and shit isn’t going to gain you many of the fans that your trying to reach, I don’t think.

This kind of thing is precisely another reason that Olivia Munn is one fake-ass mofo. She caters to whatever audience is giving her attention – or an endorsement – at the time. She tries to appeal to the male “nerd” population, but in reality probably wouldn’t want to date anyone under Brad Pitt status; she tries to appeal to the downtrodden, picked-on high school girl, saying she was *just like them* in school, but yet people who went to school with her say that she was a stuck-up c-nt. Now she’s teaming up with PETA for … whatever reason. She must rather go naked than wear fur, I guess. That’s got to be it. But her original sentiments kind of echo “real girls hunt, real girls gut fish, real girls play video games, and real girls PROBABLY EAT MEAT,” don’t they, Olivia? Isn’t that part of your schtick also?

I mean, honestly. REAL MEN AND WOMEN EAT THE HEADS OFF OF SHRIMP AND THEN MASTURBATE WITH THE LEFTOVER GREASE, HAVEN’T YOU HEARD, PETA? What are you thinking?

Good God, Olivia. Pick an audience and pander to it. Which are you trying for, Livvy? Or wait. Ah. OK. I get it. It’s supposed to be all of them, isn’t it. Isn’t that what you want, to appeal to every man, woman, and aniaml; every class, sub-culture, and nationality? This conquest of universal acceptance is just another step in gaining the general public’s adoration, right?

I don’t have a whole lot to say about this post, because it kind of speaks for itself. Olivia Munn did a shoot and interview about how nerdy she is for men’s magazine, FHM. That’s really kind of the extent of it.

Also, I realize that some people are gonna say, “Waaaah, blah blah blah you’re just jealous of Olivia Munn because she’s SO HOT and SEXY NERD WHATEVER,” but guys? I can assure you: I am not jealous of … LOL … Olivia Munn. Eva Mendes, yes. Rachel McAdams? Oh my God, absolutely. Whatever random vapidy-vapid that happens to be dating Adrien Brody at any given time? Don’t-get-me-started-on-that-yes. But Olivia Munn? Christ, no. Not a peanut butter smidgen’s chance in Khloe Kardashian’s fridge.

“I used to date Olivia Munn, I’ll be honest with everyone here. But when she was ‘Lisa.’ She wasn’t Asian back then. She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her. Because she changed her name. I didn’t know it was the same person and so when she auditioned for me for a TV show, I forgot her, she got pissed off, and so she made up all these stories about me eating shrimp and masturbating in my trailer. And she talked about my shortcomings.”

Director Brett Ratner on sleeping with Olivia before she “made it big” in Hollywood. This probably happened right after the whole I-had-no-friends-in-school thing that was proven wrong by one of our lovely readers.

Brett’s comments, of course, were in response to insinuations in Olivia’s book, Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek, where she talked of sleeping with a “bigwig” Hollywood director who was nothing more than “a grown man in an oversized shirt holding his undersized manhood in hands glistening with shrimp fat.”

Classy, classy lady.

“They said, ‘Oh, she’s the Maxim cover girl,’ which I get. But I’m just like, I’m sorry — you can put yourself in a box, I just refuse to let you put me in one, too. My thing is, forget what my background is. They’re trying to reduce it to, ‘You can’t be on the cover of Maxim and you can’t be pretty and also be smart and funny. You’re only getting by on your looks.’ Tina Fey, who had her book come out recently and they did a 30 Rock episode about my hiring at The Daily Show, and she defends me on her book tour and says if I was overweight and had a mustache on the cover of Maxim, everybody [would be] saying, you go girl! But when I do it… I am who I am and I’m embracing everything that I am, and I’m not going to put on a turtleneck and hide away if I want to be smart and funny. You can be all of those things.”

This is Olivia Munn (I know, again, I’m so sorry), talking about the “backlash” she received when she started working with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. And while I agree, in part, with what she’s saying, the thing that Miss Olivia fails to realize, here, is that she’s not the first attractive, female intellectual to grace us with their mere appearance in Hollywood. I mean, Natalie Portman? Kate Beckinsale? JODIE FOSTER? The only difference here is that these women don’t go bragging about their Oxford and Harvard degrees (which they *actually* have), their prize-winning writing or the myriad languages that they speak.

SHUT UP, OLIVIA.