She’s not actually checking that lettuce for bugs, though – she’s hurling demeaning epithets at it with her demon eyes. Or at the very least, trying to project some of her self-proclaimed daddy-issue self-loathing onto it so she feels better about herself. There’s a reason girlfriend’s called “Halle Scary,” you know.

Let’s be real: Halle Berry has never been known to be as stable as a lot of the kids in Hollywood, so let’s not pretend like everything she does is this serene, zenned-out BS just because she’s wearing a shirt depicting peaceful birds all up on it.

FUCK YOU, TOMATO.

Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, but did you know that she had a nose job? I didn’t even suspect it until I saw an old picture of her and thought to myself, “Hmmm.. something about  her face in this photo looks more like, I dunno, a regular human being instead of a specimen.”

Yup, if you browse through the gallery below, you’ll see that, much like many naturally beautiful stars, Halle’s had a little bit of work done. While a simple nose job isn’t as offensive as some of the stuff we’ve seen, I can’t help but wonder if any of the movie and television stars we praise for their beauty have their original face in tact.

Can you spot any other touch-ups she might have had done over the years?

Though their “mutual” split was said to be “amicable,” sources at RadarOnline claim that a custody battle for Berry and Aubry’s child, Nahla, is in the works and it doesn’t look all that “amicable” at all.

The couple have had joint custody of the child over the past few weeks that they’ve been separated, but Aubry reportedly isn’t happy with the situation:

“It’s been pretty difficult for Gabriel to see Nahla the last few weeks … He’s really getting sick of it and it’s getting to the point where he is seriously considering his options regarding pursuing permanent custody. He refuses to give up rights to his daughter, he loves her more than anything and is determined to be a regular, full time fixture in her life.”

I have to give him mad props on this one, if it does pan out to be true. I don’t know much about the dude, other than he’s wicked, steaming hot, but if he’s clearly as willing as this “source” is making it out to be to be a stand-up father who’s intent on being a permanent presence in his daughter’s life, that’s pretty fabulous if I say so myself.

The same source also states that Halle is to embark upon a trip to South Africa for a new film project and will be away for three months. Berry is said to be taking her daughter with her for the filming, but not if Aubry has anything to say about it. Apparently, words were exchanged between the former lovers as Aubry wants to keep Nahla with him in LA while Mama’s off in South Africa filming, but Berry supposedly won’t budge. Now, Berry’s proposing that she rent a house for the three of them to occupy while she’s filming and has plans to hire her ex (and daughter’s father) as a “full-time nanny.”

You know, as sad as it sounds either way, I’m fucking glad that they’re fighting over their daughter and not menial things like money, property or investments. Whatever their intentions behind gaining a custody agreement are, I hope it’s in the best interest of that gorgeous little girl, Nahla. Divorce sucks, but sometimes the fallout thereafter is much, much worse.

After five years of togetherness (and one child later), award-winning actress Halle Berry and her model-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry have split up.

Sources at RadarOnline state that the two reached an “amicable decision” to split — and why is it always so damned “amicable?” You know there’s got to be drama involved somewhere, we’re not all the Brady Bunch, you know — because the age difference started to bother Aubry, who is 9 years Berry’s junior. So, yeah, blah, blah, blah, they’re going to remain friends and take care of their daughter, Nahla, together and whatever else have you:

A source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com that Gabriel was the one who pulled the plug on their five year relationship and that the age difference – he’s 34, she’s 43 – played a role.

“Gabriel just felt it wasn’t working anymore,” the source says. “When they were first together the 9-year age difference between them didn’t phase him, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever dated and he was totally in love.

“But as time went on he started feeling it more and more.  Also, Gabriel started noticing other women, and being attracted to other, and he felt it just wasn’t right to stay with Halle in those circumstances. Gabriel is a really nice, decent guy and he would never cheat on her, but I suspect that he had become attracted to someone and that he felt he needed to break it off with Halle before anything developed any further.”

Well, my condolences, guys. Halle, you’re super-hot and Gabriel, damn .. so are you. It’s going to be really sad not seeing two of the most beautiful people in the world photographed side by side anymore, but hey.

C’est la vie, right?

This is the mess Halle chose to wear to the Keep a Child Alive ball in NYC last night. Not only is it a terrible material and a stupid cut, it doesn’t fit her. Her boobs are way too big; they’re falling out. And that’s not fair, because I believe Meghan McCain called a monopoly on boobs falling out of a top this week.

Also there: Padma Lakshmi, who looks like she got a really bad perm and then crimped it. Plus: Estelle, Iman, Adrian Grenier, John Mayer, Usher and Mary J. Blige.

A svelte and decidedly un-baby bumpy Halle Berry was a guest on the Jay Leno Show this past Thursday. We’ve all been speculating for some time that the baggy dresses and giant handbag camouflage she’s been using lately were signs that there was another impossibly gorgeous child on the way.

I think this dress puts those rumors to rest. Either that, or she’s got some sort of physics defying, tummy cinching body sock that squeezed that little fetus right back up into the fallopian tubes.