Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jessica Simpson Is So Pregnant

A photo of Jessica Simpson

I know, you’ve already heard two different stories about babies today, but look. After all the nonsense surrounding Beyonce and little Miss Blue, it’s time to cleanse our souls, don’t you think? It’s time to appreciate something that isn’t shrouded in secrecy and weirdness and lies. And you guys, there is no one better to cleanse souls and to make you smile like pregnant Jessica Simpson.

She’s just SO CUTE! Her gigantic bump, her gigantic boobs, her gigantic smile! If anybody ever had a doubt as to what that glow everyone talks about when they talk about pregnant ladies, I think you can just take a gander at Jessica Simpson and you’ll be able to figure it out. She just looks so happy and so lovely these days that you can’t help but be happy for her.

Oh, speaking of her gigantic bump, do you remember when Jessica was so obviously pregnant but not talking about it? Back towards the end of October, we all thought that Jessica had to be around six months along, which would mean that, by our estimations, she would give birth sometime around the end of this month. And judging by these pictures, that seems totally accurate, right?

Not so much, actually. Jess did an interview recently, and here’s what she had to say about her pregnancy:

“I feel great. The pregnancy’s going great. I’m just waddling around now. We’re not saying the due date but it’s in the spring so it’s coming. I do want to be surprised [on the gender but], we’ve gone through all different kinds of names but we’re pretty much set on our name so we’ll see what happens.”

What? I know that this isn’t the first time she’s mentioned that she’s due in the spring, but … look at the pictures! She seriously has months to go?! What is she pregnant with, triplets? How is this possible? I can’t, I just can’t.

Also, how unfortunate is it for Beyonce that Jessica is pregnant during the same time she was pretending to be pregnant? Sometimes I think that the pillow Beyonce’s stuffed under her shirt sometimes would never have gotten as much attention as it did if Jessica Simpson hadn’t been so clearly and beautifully pregnant too. Like, if there was no other celebrity that the media loved to gossip about who Beyonce could have been compared to, things would have gone so much more smoothly and believably. But then I realize that Beyonce’s baby bump was so ridiculous that there’s no way it could have gone unnoticed.

But this isn’t about Beyonce! This is about how unbelievably darling Jessica Simpson is these days. It’s also about speculating just how many babies she’s got in there. Because seriously, how many babies does she have in there?!

8 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Why are all the posts so dreadfully long now? Not that I’ll be any less likely to read them but it’s like reading a novel with every post!

  • You guys need an eye exam…NOW. “Beautifully pregnant?!?” How about horrifyingly pregnant. She looks worse than any other pregnant woman I’ve seen in a long time. Ever heard of pre-eclampsia and pregnancy diabetes? Well, here’s your poster child in the worst possible dress and HEELS ever. She looks like one of those Mesopotamia fertility clay statues (you know, the woman with the impossible breasts and the monstrous belly) only with sequins on it. Yuck!!!

    • Dude….. When I saw this I was kinda thinking the same thing….. I mean…. I’m all for not attempting to remain an anorexic skinny bitch while growing a kid…. But if she’s not due for a couple of months someone needs to slam the brakes on the twinkies and fried chicken train…. However…. She is a fairly short girl…. And it could just be an unfortunate combination of dress/spanx/posture/lighting…. And let’s not forget she’s been toting those bosoms since she was a size 2…. Whew….

      • I’m sorry to say this but both of you are full of shit! The woman looks stunning! Yes, she has gained some weight, but “slam the breaks on the twinkies”? Seriously? She looks like a NORMAL pregnant woman! Her books look huge bc she’s probably a D at her skinniest! She’s got a big bump, but she still looks adorable and very happy!

  • At least Jessica looks pregnant. Beyonce? She looks like she’s strapping on a pregnancy pillow and paying someone to have her kid so “she can save her figure”.

    If Beyonce were truly pregnant, she’d be blimping up just like Jessica Simpson. She’s a big girl who carries extra weight anyway.

  • I could believe that she isn’t due until, say, March. I’m short, busty and have a short waist and I probably looked very similar to this in my 7th month (had my son in March). I only gained 25-30 lbs with him but it just looks like so much more on someone short and curvy.

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