5Jessica Simpson Was Surprised At Her Second Pregnancy, Despite Not Using a Condom Or Being On the Pill

Today in sex education: ladies, if you don’t use protection during sex or are not on birth control, there’s a chance you may fall pregnant. Apparently Jessica Simpson missed that day’s lesson, because the singer/actress/Weight Watchers spokeswoman (what does she do???) admitted that her second pregnancy, which came less than a year after she gave birth to daughter Maxwell, was a total surprise. Ouch.

From an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show (via DigitalSpy):

Simpson was in the midst of an interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, when she joked about the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy.

“I don’t know, apparently protection was just thrown out the window,” Simpson teased, adding: “We were definitely extremely shocked.”

The ‘With You’ singer also admitted to Ellen DeGeneres that the second pregnancy has been far rougher than when she was carrying daughter Maxwell.

“Like with Maxwell, I felt amazing,” she recalled. “Like, I could do everything, eat everything. Do whatever I wanted.

“I had a lot of energy. This time around… I’m like, exhausted, eating Tums. That’s my snack of choice!”

Tums are good – I’d eat them as a snack and I’m not even pregnant (nor do I have heartburn), but calcium is good for all of us. In any case, how much do we want to bet she’ll end up pregnant again after she gives birth to her son (who’s going to be called Ace, apparently)? I’d bet on it.

March 7, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

6Gwyneth Paltrow Wants to Be More Like Jessica Simpson: Uh, Okay?

Today in “LOL, yeah the f-ck right” news, apparently Gwyneth Paltrow is scaling back her acting ambitions to start working on building an empire like that of… Jessica Simpson? AHAHAHAH. I don’t know what’s funnier, Gwyn coveting Jessica’s life or the thought of either of them being the owners of “an empire”. Granted, Jessica does make bank on those ugly ass shoes she sells, but still. Gwyneth has apparently lost her love of making movies and found some for that bullshit Goop website she runs and making money off overpriced housewares that no one needs, apparently.

According to US Weekly:

Gwyneth Paltrow is giving up showbiz for, well, business. A source says that after the 33 Dias actress wraps her next few films, she will focus on growing her lifestyle website, Goop, and the fitness company she co-owns with trainer Tracy Anderson.

Paltrow is hoping to emulate the career of another multitalented star: Jessica Simpson! “She admires Jessica’s empire,” the source says of the Academy Award winner, 40. “She wants to make a killing.”

The two-time cookbook author’s rep says she has no plans to give up acting altogether, telling the Feb. 25 issue of Us Weekly, “She won’t quit acting. Her plan is to do one, maybe two supporting parts a year.”

Even so, the source cautions, “She’s lost her passion for movies.”

Well, I never had passion for movies she was in, so I guess that makes us even now. There’s no way this story is true, but it’s still pretty hilarious to picture ol’ Gwyny sipping away at her first cup of liquified field moss of the day and daydreaming about being the next Jessica Simpson.

February 19, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

72Everyone is Pregnant!!!

Hello world!

My name is Bobby and I will be your new celebrity gossip writer as of the beginning of February. I know that you are going to be ruthlessly critical, and I expect nothing less. Until recently, I, too, used to tear apart celebrities and authors alike in the comments, but consider yourselves warned! To get this job I had to bribe and coerce and blackmail people, and when that didn’t work, I sent Sarah a severed horse head, so no funny business.

Just kidding. I am, in fact, quite harmless. My specialties include photography, rock and roll music, and kittens*, and my goal for this year is to somehow manage to work the word idempotent in a sentence. It also happens that I am in a sort of a Jessica Simpson situation at the moment – not even nine months after I had my first baby, my husband went ahead and knocked me up again. This very much leads me to the theme of my very first post for Evil Beet – pregnant celebrities!

So without further ado, here’s a list of 12 celebs who will be procreating at various times this year (in no particular order):

1. Evan Rachel Wood

There was no love lost between Evan and, well, almost everyone on Evil Beet so far, but I like the gal ever since I saw her in Thirteen. She is expecting her first child with husband Jamie Bell sometime in the Summer.

2. Kristen Bell

The sloth-loving Kristen Bell is preggers with her first child from Dax Shepard, and if crying uncontrollably at the sight of sloths isn’t a good enough reason to like her, Kristen is also outspoken on issues like same sex marriage and animal welfare. She’s due in the Spring.

3. Amber Rose

Model Amber Rose is expecting a very laid back (and possibly tattooed) child with Wiz Khalifa, and is ready to pop any minute, forever changing the the way her vagina photographs.

4. Jenna Dewan-Tatum

I don’t have any idea who she is, but they say her husband is hot so there you go.

5. Holly Madison

Former Playboy bunny/stripper/reality star Madison, known mainly for her utter lack of style, is expecting a girl in March.  For the delivery, she’s rumored to either wear a mustard yellow floral nylon dress, or nothing.

6. Kate Middleton

Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge had a rough first trimester but she seems fine now, unless you refer to the latest portrait of her, in which case she doesn’t.  I really hope Kate puts on some weight during this pregnancy; it makes me feel uneasy watching her right now.  She looks … sort of malnourished.  Or maybe I’m just jealous because I know I’ll turn to a whale long before I reach full term.  A Great Blue Whale.

7.  Sophie Dahl

Dahl is pregnant with her second child, but I have a feeling that despite of being Roald Dahl’s granddaughter and a former plus-size model, many of you might not consider Sophie a celebrity.  If that’s the case, let me remind you that she was on the cover of Vogue, like, 500 times, and that makes her at least more famous than you and I.  Besides, you gotta love how much taller she is than her husband.

8. Busy Philipps

I LOVE Busy. She is so pretty and real, and she always steals the show even though she’s not necessarily in the A-list headlines all the time.

9. Peaches Geldof

This here British celebrity who is famous for being famous is going to have another baby boy, and oh! god. She intends on naming him Phaedra.  Let us all roll our eyes on a count of three.

10. Malin Akerman

No, Malin wasn’t impregnated by French-kissing Tom Cruise -she is expecting in June by her legitimate husband who, presumably, put a bun in her oven the conventional way.

11. Jessica Simpson

I suspect that Jessica actually learned the trick of getting pregnant so soon after giving birth from Britney, but then again Jessica’s fiance is quite cute and I don’t see why the hell not.  Jess is going to have a boy.

12. Kim Kardashian

And finally, the worst, most terrible celebrity couple, Kimye. Typing this nauseates me, so I’m just going to give you a funny picture of Kim and leave it there.  There’s nothing much to say about it anyways, except maybe to loosely quote Chelsea Handler who predicted that, considering its parents, this baby will be “tanned and very hairy.”

*I’m sure you’ll be missing Emily’s kittens so I promise to post photos of mine as often as I can.

Photos courtesy of Just Jared, Glamour Magazine, and Splash News.

January 24, 2013 at 7:00 am by Bobby Pfeiffer

13IT’S A BOY!

Well, that sounds like an early headline, doesn’t it? But don’t worry, everything’s fine. It’s just that Jessica has gotten to that stage in her pregnancy where the fetus grows its reproductive organs. And it grew boy parts!

Apparently, Jess is really excited to have a son: it’s her “dream come true.” When she was growing up, she always wanted a little brother, and she’s just so glad that her daughter Maxwell will be able to have that. That’s nice, isn’t it? I love when things go well for Jessica Simpson.

In other adorable Jessica Simpson news, she was on The Tonight Show earlier this week and she gave some pretty classic statements, like this gem:

“We’ve had two different wedding dates, but he keeps knocking me up. I’m doing it very backwards, I know! I’ll just keep my legs crossed this time.”

Oh, Jessica. Never, ever change. I love you too much.

And speaking of other things I love too much, here’s what happens at the foot of my bed every single night:

Are you feeling all the love yet?

January 18, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Emily

0Jessica Simpson Got Her Own Sitcom!

When I think about the things that the world needs, a sitcom starring Jessica Simpson, based on her life, is actually pretty high up there. It’s probably like no more wars, more equality, less poverty, Jessica Simpson sitcom. In that order.

Luckily, Jessica herself has realized this, and so did some people who could make it happen. So it’s happening. Yes.

From Us Weekly:

Ready for your closeup, Jess? Second-time mom-to-be Jessica Simpson is set to star in an NBC comedy pilot presentation inspired by her own her life, Deadline reports.

The project, which does not yet have a title, will be a fictionalized version of the singer-turned-actress-turned-fashion mogul’s colorful life in the public eye. It is being produced by Universal Television and Electus, the company behind Simpson’s other current TV series, Fashion Star.

“We are thrilled to team up with the multitalented Jessica Simpson to bring this new sitcom to life on NBC as she is truly a modern-day Lucy with incredible comedic chops,” Electus founder and chairman Ben Silverman said. “From running a fashion empire to wrangling her public image as a new mom, we see Jessica’s character approach a variety of ‘everyday’ circumstances that will get audiences laughing out loud.”

“I am so excited to work with Ben and NBC again, this time on a scripted comedy,” Simpson, 32, added of the semi-autobiographical venture. “I often find myself thinking that no one could ever make up the things that actually happen in my life, so between the real life elements and a great team of writers, I think we’ll have people laughing.”

If crying over this announcement, clearing out my schedule completely for the next few months in anticipation of the airing of the first episode, and preparing to make the perfect buttered Pop-tart in her honor is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

January 16, 2013 at 4:30 am by Emily

17Stars Without Makeup: Jessica Simpson Lets It All Hang Out

There’s not a whole lot to this picture, other than “Hey! Jessica Simpson‘s not wearing any makeup and look! BOOBS,” because what’s really better than seeing celebrities without makeup on and oh, of course, boobs? I’ve got your answer in case the wheels were still turning on that one: nothing. The answer would be “nothing.”

January 11, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Sarah