You guys have played that wonderful classic, “Marry, Kill, Fuck,” right? If not, it’s pretty easy: someone names three people (or things or places, but that’s more for advanced and/or drunk players), and you decide which one you’d marry, which one you’d kill, and which one you’d fuck. It’s one of my very favorites, so I thought I’d play with you guys, you know, in order to enhance our relationship and learn more about one another.
Here are your choices:
1. Charlie Sheen. This guy definitely knows how to party. With him, you could stay up for days, just hanging out and jamming to Train. And hey, if he can afford to put gold in his mouth, he can afford to put gold on your finger. On the downside, there’s a good chance he’d ruin Christmas by pulling a knife on you.
2. Jesse James. Ok, the thing with Jesse is that he has a definite type, so if you’re not super trashy, covered in tattoos, or at least a brunette, things probably wouldn’t work, even in the imaginary sense. And if you’re Jewish, you also probably want to move along. Good news though: Jesse’s almost on wife number four, so he’s got to be really good at romancing a lady!
3. Scott Disick. Now this fella here knows about fashion, and that’s a definite plus. I’m sure you could spend your days roaming around fancy shops without a care in the world unless, of course, you’re marginally heavier or less attractive than Kourtney Kardashian, in which case you’d constantly hear things like “You’re disgusting, I would kill myself if I looked like you! Look at you, you whale!”
So what will it be, friends?