Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen calls Rihanna a “village idiot” for not meeting him

charlie sheen rihanna

Rihanna has plenty of better things to do than meet up with Charlie Sheen, right? Like, smoking weed, partying, shopping, scratching her ass, watching paint dry… literally anything she could do would be better than hanging out with Charlie. So it’s no surprise that she denied his recent request for a meet-and-greet when they were both eating at Giorgio Baldi in Santa Monica on Wednesday night, right?

Apparently Charlie realized they were both at the same restaurant and wanted to meet up, but RiRi put him off by saying that there were too many paparazzi outside and it just wasn’t possible at the time. Total bullshit, but I feel her on that. So what did Charlie do? He took to Twitter to call Rihanna out for being a “village idiot” and claiming that he barely even knows who she is, LOL.

Warning, this is a long one…

so,
I took my gal out to dinner
last night with her best
friends for her Bday.
we heard Rihanna was present as well.
I sent a request over to her table to introduce my fiancé
Scotty to her, as she is a
huge fan.

(personally I couldn’t pick her out of a line-up at gunpoint)

well, the word we received back was that there were too
many paps outside and it just wasn’t possible at this time.

At this time? AT THIS TIME??
lemme guess, we’re to reschedule another random
11 million to 1 encounter
with her some other night…?

no biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and
“please kill me now”
that I’d never get back.

My Gal, however,
was NOT OK with it.
Nice impression you
left behind, Bday or not.
Sorry we’re not KOOL enough
to warrant a blessing from
the Princess.
(or in this case
the Village idiot)

you see THIS is the reason
that I ALWAYS take the time.
THIS is why I’m in this thing
31 awesome years.
Good will and
common courtesy, carefully
established over time to exist radically in concert
with a code of gratitude!

I guess “Talk That Talk”
was just a big ol lie from
a big ol liar.

oh and Riahnna,
Halloween isn’t for a while.
but good on you for testing out your costume in public.
it’s close; a more muted pink might be the answer,
as in:
none.

See ya on the way down,
(we always do)
and actually,
it was a pleasure NOT
meeting you.
clearly we have NOTHING
in common when it comes
to respect for those who’ve
gone before you.
I’m guessing you needed those precious 84 seconds
to situate that bad wig
before you left the restaurant.

Here’s a tip from a real vet
of this terrain;
If ya don’t wanna get bothered
DONT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE!
and if this “Prison of Fame”
is soooooooo unnerving and
difficult, then QUIT, junior!
c
#Hamateur

Wow, those are some pretty serious feelings there, Charlie. Especially for someone you swear you don’t care much about. What’s wrong with this dude? He swears he has so many lessons to impart upon the world, but he just comes off as insane. Cocaine is a hell of a drug, I suppose.

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Charlie Sheen is cutting off Denise Richards’ $$$

charlie sheen denise richards

Not sure if this was common knowledge, but I had no idea that Charlie Sheen paid for Denise Richards‘ house so that she could keep their kids, Sam and Lola, close to him. He was also paying her $55,000 per month in child support, which is no small sum. Then again, she’s also had to take care of his OTHER two kids with Brooke Mueller, the seriously damaged twin boys Bob and Max, so I think she deserves a little credit here.

In any case, apparently Charlie and Denise have had a serious falling out and not only has he stopped paying her a damn dime, but he’s also kicking her out of the house and selling it because she won’t let him have as much access to his kids when he wants it.

From TMZ:

We’re told Charlie has told Denise he’s selling the house and wants her out STAT.

Charlie is not hiding his contempt for Denise or the fact that this is retaliation.  Charlie believes Denise is keeping Sam and Lola from him.  Sources close to Denise tell us … she can’t just  race to give Charlie the kids when he feels like having them on a whim.  She also wants to be present when he has the children.

Our sources say Denise is getting her legal ducks in a row to go after Charlie in court.  Fact is … when there’s court-ordered child support, there’s no such thing as a good excuse for not paying.

Wow, sounds like a giant mess. At the end of the day, Charlie won’t win here and is sort of cutting off his nose to spite his face. All Denise has to do is take him back to court for non-payment of child support (and, you know, being a drug addict incapable of caring for ANY of his children) and then he’ll have to pay up AND won’t have access to his kids at all. So, you know, there’s that.
It’s a shame because the kids are the ones who suffer most here. I seriously hope they’ve got a trust fund set up… they’re gonna need it to pay for all the therapy they’ll need to get over it.

Charlie Sheen Engaged To 24-Year-Old Porn Star

Charlie+Sheen

Charlie Sheen, what goes through your mind? Wacky, awful, hot-mess actor Charlie Sheen is engaged to 24-year-old porn star, Brett Rossi. This will be Sheen’s 4th marriage.

This is what Ms. Rossi looks like with clothes on:

brett-rossi

He proposed to her in Hawaii yesterday. One can only imagine how.

I’m sure this will be the marriage that lasts the longest. Surely this 48-year-old warlock is making the right move in marrying this 24-year-old “actress”. I’m sure they have lots in common, like “winning” and being “epic” and having a vacation home on the moon, possibly Saturn.

Best of luck, Chuck.

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Charlie Sheen Wants to Put Ashton Kutcher on a “Hospital Food Diet”

charlie sheen ashton kutcher

Oh God, this is STILL HAPPENING. Charlie Sheen wasn’t so pleased when Ashton Kutcher took his place on Two and a Half Men THREE YEARS AGO, but while most people would have long ago left that nonsense behind, Charlie’s STILL talking about it and trying to drag Ashton via Twitter every once in a while (when he’s drunk/high on cocaine?). Look, Two and a Half Men is a misogynistic shitshow with the worst, most unbelievable, most ridiculous plotlines I’ve ever seen. One time I was watching something on CBS that came on after it and caught the tail end (so to speak) of an episode in which Ashton and Jon Cryer’s characters were working out between them how they were gonna have a threesome with Cryer’s girlfriend (who really wanted a piece of Ashton) without their dongs touching. That’s quality TV there. Charlie Sheen needs to get a grip (and that show needs to be canceled).

Anyhow, Ashton was asked about the mini feud on Jimmy Kimmel Live, to which he replied:

“Dude, shut the fuck up! Seriously, like. Enough already. Like it’s like three years later and you’re still blowing me up on Twitter. Like come on dude, really?”

Charlie caught wind of that and took to Twitter to make amends (seemingly), posting the following on Twitter:


However, he changed his mind two hours later and posted this:


Oh, Charlie. Lay off the coke, brother.

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Don’t Worry, Charlie Sheen Didn’t Really Marry That Porn Star

charlie sheen brett rossi

Charlie Sheen has been dating ex-porn star Brett Rossi for a little while now, and during a recent trip to the Icelandic capital of Reykjavík, the pair posed for a photo in front of the French consulate there. Charlie posted that photo to Twitter, along with a claim that they’d gotten married. Feast your eyes on this:


The only problem is, they’re not actually married, as Charlie’s rep felt the need to immediately clear up. The spokesperson told Gossip Cop that Charlie was “just joking around”, which may or may not be code for high as a kite/drunk off his ass. Either way, he’s still technically single, so step right up, ladies!

It’s a crying shame that he’s got time to fuck around writing “poetry” for Twitter and going on trips with his ex-porn star girlfriend but he’s not at all concerned about his kids, their behavioural issues or any of that. Lovely to see a caring parent.

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Charlie Sheen Has Some Words for the ‘Duck Dynasty’ Guys

charlie sheen phil robertson

The hit A&E show Duck Dynasty is in some trouble following Phil Robertson‘s homophobic and racist GQ tirade, which has left its future up in the air. People are angry, and understandably so. However, perhaps the most surprising reaction in this whole thing randomly comes from Charlie Sheen, whose outrage is unexpected but I suppose bizarrely enjoyable.

hey Mallard brained Phil Robertso! you have offended and hurt... on Twitpic

hey Mallard brained
Phil Robertso!
you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,
who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.
well news flash
shower-dodger,
I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.
so,
just when your desperately sub evolved ass thought the pressure was off,
you are now in the crosshairs of a MaSheen style media
beat down.
(I’ll try to keep the big words to a minimum as not to confuse you)

your statements were and are
abhorrently and
mendaciously unforgivable.

the idea that you have a job
outside of dirt-clod stacking
is a miracle.

the only ‘Dynasty’ you are attached to might be the
re-runs of that dated show.

the only thing you should ever be in charge of building is a hole in the ground the exact size of your head.
perhaps your beard would fit as well if you plucked out the
army of scabies and
bull weevils sequestered deep in it’s sarcophagus of dander and weasel pelts.

shame on you.
you’re the only surviving
brain donor I’ve ever known.

when the gators and Egrets
kick you out of their
hovel,
you need to make serious amends to those you have
radically offended.

on the eight day
when I was whittling my cosmic banjo,
I’m pretty sure YOU were the scattered dross I then used to light a fire and
locate the nearest
Andy Gump.

repulsed by you;
c sheen

hash tag;
Duck; that was me.

Uh, I love that Charlie Sheen is writing poetry now. This whole thing is hilarious, as is his follow-up tweet:

 

Meanwhile, Louisiana’s Lt. Governor Jay Dardeene will be really upset if Duck Dynasty gets cancelled, so he’s offered to help the guys find another network to air the show if things don’t work out with A&E. From The Hollywood Reporter:

“Regardless of one’s views on Phil Robertson’s statements, Duck Dynasty has been an important representation of the state of Louisiana, inspiring prospective visitors and investors since its debut.

“If the Robertson family cannot come to an agreement with A&E and wants to continue the show, Louisiana already has the infrastructure in place to maintain their record-breaking program,” he wrote.

Dardenne, who authored the state’s film and TV tax credit program, said he would use his influence in the state’s industry to help the Robertsons.

Well, isn’t that… special? Yes, wouldn’t want to let those pesky human rights get in the way of state profits, now would we?

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L.A. County Says Charlie Sheen Doesn’t Care About His Kids

Charlie-Sheen

Charlie Sheen says ex wife Brooke Mueller shouldn’t have custody because she’s “evil” but L.A. County Dept. Children and Family Services doesn’t think Sheen is all that great either. TMZ‘s sources have it all:

they’re pissed that Charlie is hurling grenades at everyone involved in the mess that has become his family — calling Brooke Mueller a “whore,” the judge an “anus brain” and DCFS “incompetent and lascivious.”

Our DCFS sources — who work in the trenches — say Charlie has NEVER made a real move to take custody of Bob and Max. As one source put it, “He cares more about his drugs and porn stars than he does the kids.”

You know what? I don’t even doubt that. He really is childish.

I’m done giving him any more attention.

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