Last week, I let you guys know that Rihanna was doing a remix of a song called “Birthday Cake,” and that Chris Brown was going to be stepping in to add some fine singin’ and rappin’ to gross us all out. I thought it was ridiculous, natch, and I’d hoped it wasn’t true. There were even a few reports out that it was just a rumor, but no. It was real, and it happened, and you can listen to the track up there.
I just don’t know anymore. Rihanna is obviously going to do what she wants to do, regardless of what anyone says or thinks, and regardless of her own safety. I don’t want to get into all that again, because we’ve done it many a time in these parts, so instead, let’s just break this song down, all right?
Here are some of my favorite lyrics:
Rihanna: I know you want it in the worst way.
Rihanna: I’ma make you my bitch.
Rihanna: I know you wanna bite this.
Chris Brown: Girl, I wanna f*ck you right now. Been a long time, I been missin’ your body.
Rihanna: Remember how you did it? If you still wanna kiss it, come and get it.
Rihanna: CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE
Wow, what a horrible, awful, terrible song, right? I mean, besides the implications (Chris Brown actually did bite her, didn’t he?), the actual song is just crazy bad, isn’t it? Like it’s really hard for me to wrap my head around this right now, because … I think Rihanna just repeats the word “cake” at least 100 times in this song, no joke. And I’d never really sat down and listened to any of Chris Brown’s music before, because why would I, but is that what all these people are going crazy for? This? Am I missing something? Why are people still letting him perform, is it because he’s a pretty cool dancer? I can’t figure out the appeal at all. Also he beats women.
What do you guys think of this little ditty?