Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Let’s Check Out Some Attractive Dudes, Shall We?

Remember that time that Sarah compiled a list of her ten hottest men and let you guys vote for the absolute hottest? Wasn’t that fun?  I thought so, and ever since she posted it, I’ve been doing my best to come up with my own list.  There’s a slight difference – I’m going with “attractive” guys instead of “hot” guys.  I’m defining attractive guys as dudes who you’d be cool to hang out with after banging them.  Got it?  All right, then let’s go ahead and get started, and you can vote afterwards.

10.  Simon Woods

A photo of Simon Woods

Um, he played Bingley in Keira Knightley’s Pride and Prejudice? Remember?  Also, he’s a beautiful ginger, and you know how I feel about the gingers.  I hope you like them too, otherwise you might not enjoy this list too much.

9.  Gaspard Ulliel

A photo of Gaspard Ulliel

He was the guy who played Hannibal in Hannibal Rising and made you feel super awkward for lusting after a serial killer. That wasn’t just me, right?

8.  Casey Abrams

We talked about him a couple weeks ago, but I’m not done yet. You watch that video, and if you don’t find him at least a little bit attractive, then you need to get yourself evaluated, because all is not well.

7.  Andrew McMahon

A photo of Andrew McMahon

Jack’s Mannequin, right? I get a lot of flack for this from my hipster friends, but I like Jack’s Mannequin better than Something Corporate.  Don’t get me wrong, I love both, but there’s just something so special about Jack’s Mannequin. Also, a ginger playing his heart out on a piano?  It really doesn’t get much more attractive for me, you guys.

6.  Gabe Saporta

A photo of Gabe Saporta

I love the fuck out of Cobra Starship, and I’m not afraid to admit that.  And Gabe Saporta is a gorgeous man, but he’s also ridiculously awesome: he’s so awesome that Pete Wentz has his face tattooed on his leg.

5.  Seth Rogen

A photo of Seth Rogen

Last weekend this guy took me to see Paul, that movie where Seth voices an alien?  And we were chatting, and he was like “do you like Seth Rogen?” and I was like “yeah.”  But it wasn’t like a casual “yeah,” it was this weird throaty “yeah” that revealed way too many of my impure thoughts.  It was a good movie though.

4.  Paul Bettany

A photo of Paul Bettany

Was anyone else’s adolescence shaped by Paul Bettany in A Knight’s Tale as much as mine was?  That is to say, did anyone else watch that movie and then read The Canterbury Tales looking for answers that your 13-year-old brain couldn’t form the questions to?

3.  Johnny Knoxville

A photo of Johnny Knoxville

I don’t care what sorts of shenanigans he gets into in his movies, I will never stop loving Johnny Knoxville.  All grossness from Jackass aside, he’s a pretty handsome dude, right?  Also, he’s from Knoxville, and what kind of girl would I be if I didn’t represent my home turf?

2.  Hugh Laurie

A photo of Hugh Laurie

Do I really need to explain myself here?  At this point in time, we’ve all seen an episode of House, right?  We’ve all heard his music?  I think all that speaks for itself.

1.  Zach Galifianakis

A photo of Zach Galifianakis

Are you surprised?  Then you obviously don’t read this blog that regularly, because I’ve stated time and again that Zach is my one true love.  He’s funny, talented, and actually pretty beautiful.


23 CommentsLeave a comment

  • why can’t this website show just a little fucking diversity? I swear to god, you guys think only “hot” white guys exists? this is 2011 people! How about a little something for your African American, Asian American, Latino American, LGBTQ readers to look over than this same old lame, white WASP shit you all seem to post the hell out of? I see enough white people in my media thanks very much, and I’m a Caucasian female. I would love to see a reflection of what this country is and that’s a melting pot of cultures honey.

  • Ooooh, Simon Woods. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers, I’ve a fondness for men of the ginger persuasion myself. After Manu Bennett of course :)

    withthewind. Shut. The. Fuck .Up. Do we have to be politically correct regarding our crushes now? Give me a fucking break. Go back to giving your token “colored” boyfriend of the moment a blowjob or something and quit bothering us. Bitch.

  • Oh yeah, nice little list. I’d do any one of them except Knoxville. I’d be afraid that he’d try to glue pubes to my face or stick a toy car up my ass or something. Or I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing long enough to actually have sex. It’s embarrassing when you give a big belly laugh right in the middle of making love and push the guy right out. I’m talking to you too, sneeze!

  • As an Andrew McMahon fan, please tell me you’ve seen the movie “Dear Jack.” If you haven’t, you MUST. It’s about his battle with cancer. AMAZING story.

    • I’ve heard the EP and I’m completely in love with it, but tragically I have not seen the movie. I feel really bad about that, and I’m definitely going to see it, no doubts.

      • Yay Andrew McMahon! So happy to see him on this list! I was completely obsessed with Something Corporate back in the day and met him after a show once, and all i could say was “i made my house phone ring to the piano solo in hurricane!” (before i had a cell phone) He gave me a hug as a response. I will never not love him. :)

    • I know, I know. I cut so many people out to make an even 10. Like I wrote about 1500 words about Bowie before I decided that he was less attractive, more perfect, and less of a man, more of a god. It’s rough over here.

  • Ew this list looks like it was made by a 12 year old. Skinny metro-homosexual looking hipsters a couple bears and Johnny fucking Knoxville? Then again this site is borderline retarded. I must say it’s been steadily downhill since Sasha made fun of Verne Troyer and decided a la Perez Hilton she was too important to write her own posts. I only check this site out of habit if there us nothing new on any of the other sites I like. Eh I think I’ll just delete it from my bookmarks.

  • Sorry girl, this list is not my cup of tea! Had to vote for Hugh. Lets play this game again next week but maybe you can come up with themes, that way it’ll be more fun and you’ll have to choose people you wouldn’t normally. For example, funny guys, rappers, athletes, Russian, you name it!