I am so, so sorry, you guys. I know that on Thanksgiving day, you were just sitting around with your boring old family, eating pedestrian turkey and peasanty stuffing. You hemmed and hawed every time somebody mentioned that dumb parade, and when your stupid cousin asked you to pass the potatoes, you could have just about bitten his head off. And who could blame you? Your mind was completely occupied with wondering what your favorite family was doing for the holidays!
Thanks to Khloe Kardashian and her blog, we don’t need to wonder anymore! Now we know that poor Bruce Jenner looked weird, Kourtney Kardashian‘s adorable son Mason was adorable, and that Dancing with the Star‘s Mark Ballas showed up to play a little guitar. Feel better? I know I do!
November 30, 2011 at 5:30 am by Emily
I cannot imagine why these magazines are still running cover stories and photo featurettes even now, after it’s confirmed that Kim Kardashian‘s career is practically over. Oh, wait, right – because they already paid for this slimy-assed BS and probably have no other choice but to run it. I mean, it’s not as if they’re going to get anyone good in such short order. Whatever. I’m so over all of this, and this interview is sort of the cherry atop the whipped cream atop the gut-busting sundae that you just don’t need to eat, and the following quotes are hand-picked to be the best. Enjoy them in all of their absurdity!
[Kim] “I think I’ll always be a hopeless romantic. … It means that I believe in love and the dream of having a perfect relationship, but my idea of it has changed. I think I need to not live in a fairy tale like that. I think I maybe need to just snap out of it and be a little more realistic.”
[Khloé]: I love Kim’s belief in love and the fact that she feels so strongly about it. She has that dream every girl has.
[Kim] “At this moment in my life, I feel like maybe I’m not supposed to have kids and all that.” Editor’s Note: She’s JUST coming to this conclusion now?
I could go on, but I just about regurgitated Thanksgiving dinner (it’s still totally sitting there like a damned rock) when I heard all of the “poor me”-ing and “love and butterflies, not money and fame” bullshit. You can check out the rest of it here if you’re still looking for a good diuretic that’ll help with the post-holiday clog.
November 29, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Shame on you for missing such an important program! Shame on you for not supporting Kim Kardashian in this, her moment of need! Shame on you for finding something else to do with your time besides supporting this lovable and wholesome family!
But, just because I love you guys, here’s a gallery that basically sums up what happened on last night’s show, thanks to Amy Grindhouse. You’re welcome, and do better next week!
November 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Emily
Feeding the homeless is ok though.
As you all know, the Kardashian name took a huge blow when Kim Kardashian divorced her husband of 72 days. People just don’t think as much of Kim as they used to (you know, back when she got famous for getting peed on), and in these trying times, Kim’s doting mother, Kris Jenner, has put her lovely daughter on lockdown:
Kris, the 56-year-old Kardashian family matriarch, has gone into major damage controland has laid down the law with her scandal ridden daughter, telling Kim that she has to stay out of the spotlight now that her divorce filing has caused so much bad press for the family.
“They did not anticipate the extreme backlash and the damage it would cause to the K-brand as a whole. The whole empire has been affected by this dumb marriage and Kris Jenner is all about getting paid,” a source close to the family told RadarOnline.com.
Kim’s public appearances have been strictly limited by her mom-ager since she filed for divorce on October 31 after 72 days of marriage to Kris Humphriesand hastily returned from an Australian promotional tour.
“Kim and her sisters are the puppets. Kris is the puppeteer,” the source said about the family dynamics.
Kim hasn’t been allowed to venture into public, and she won’t be allowed until after tonight’s season premiere of Kourtney and Kim Take New York because “Kris wants to make sure that the ratings are huge for their show and she knows that if Kim stays under the radar until that airs again they’ll get the maximum publicity out of her situation.”
November 27, 2011 at 7:00 am by Emily
Do you ever wonder exactly how people like Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton get so incredibly, unbelievably rich with no discernible talent? Or even just any old celebrity, like, say, Beyonce, who, along with husband Jay-Z brought in $72 million this past year alone: yes, they work hard and they’re talented, but how do they get that ungodly amount of money? Sure, there are some cases where these stars come from rich families, but some people are just inexplicably wealthy. Did you ever wonder about how?
If you’re a little curious, check out this little breakdown to see where a lot of this money comes from:
1. On average celebrities make $33,000 per pound just for losing weight on an endorsement deal.
2. $10,000 per Tweet
3. 50% of all proceeds from staged paparazzi photos
4. $10,000 “secret” endorsement checks to wear certain items of clothing.
5. $100,000 for baby photos (except for the very high end babies which can command $1 million)
6. $25,000 for a club appearance
7. All expense paid trips for them and their entire family to show up and say they support a charity
I can’t. It’s too early, I’m too broke, I can’t. $10,000 to wear free clothes? $33,000 per lost pound? $10,000 per Tweet? Goddamn. I don’t know whether to try to figure out where I went wrong that I’m not making thousands of dollars for going to a club or to try to figure out where our society went wrong. I think I’m going to settle for somewhere in the middle, and of course by “somewhere in the middle,” I mean “stay in my pajamas all day, watch The Notebook and Beaches over and over, and weep.”
November 22, 2011 at 6:30 am by Emily
“I empathize. It’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing in the world. People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her. Our attention should be focused on things that are truly scandalous.”
While I’ve always had a lot of admiration for Olivia Wilde’s face, I’ve never really cared much for her words or her actions. Despite that, I think she might have a point here. We shouldn’t be attacking Kim, and we definitely should be focused on truly scandalous things. Like her ass. That’s what Olivia Wilde is saying here, right? We need to focus more on Kim Kardashian’s ass.