Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Beyonce

Quotables: Beyonce Loves Poopy Diapers

A photo of Beyonce

“I love changing diapers, I love it. I love every moment of it, it’s so beautiful. I love it all.”

You guys! Oh my gosh, you guys, did you hear what Beyonce said? She said that she loves changing diapers! Beyonce loves poop! Guys, did you hear? Beyonce said she loves poop!

Ok, but really, I get what she’s saying here. She’s so excited to be a mom that everything is beautiful and amazing, even dirty diapers. And that’s sweet, it is. I just figured that instead of pretending to believe that Beyonce changes her kid’s diaper all the time with no help whatsoever, I’d have a little fun with the mental image of Beyonce delighting in all the opulent wonders of a freshly soiled Pampers. You’re welcome.

Rihanna’s Infatuated With Beyonce Now

photo of rihanna pictures and beyonce pictures
Oh, you haven’t heard? Yeah, because apparently Beyonce’s the goddess-est of all women in the world, and Rihanna’s not afraid to let the world know, too.

Rihanna posted this to her Twitter account earlier:

photo of rihanna pictures photos twitter picture beyonce pic
And this picture of Beyonce followed:

photo of beyonce pictures twitter pic
And I’m honestly not sure whether or not this is a joke, and for two reasons: one, yeah, B’s absolutely gorgeous—probably in the top ten or fifteen famous ladies as far as physical hotness, but this picture? This picture, despite Beyonce’s heaving cleavage, does nothing for me. Nothing. Two, Rihanna is kind of Jay-Z’s little lapdog. Wouldn’t it make sense to go hitting his wife up for some extra lovin’ and attention if she felt she were lacking in both departments?

Dunno, guys. I love Beyonce’s look as much as the next person (as long as the next person didn’t happen to be Rihanna), but I’m not getting where girlfriend’s going with this public, verbal fellatio.

Here’s Another “Photo” of “Blue Ivy Carter”

photo of blue ivy carter pictures
This picture is just all sorts of wrong. All sorts. Is it a real baby? Is it a doll? Does the child have a face? I don’t know. These are all questions that plague me when I get down to thinking about the notorious B.i.C. and her mama, Beyonce.

This photo was taken and posted to Beyonce’s quasi-private Tumblr page, where photos of the stars life are said to be cherry-picked to make people realize that Beyonce is a real person who lives a real life and has a “real” “chid.” But the thing that concerns me about all of this is that we never see the kid’s face. And while I realize that Beyonce is not the first celebrity to hide the faces of their children (Michael Jackson), doing this only lends credence to the rumors that Beyonce’s embarrassed that her potentially-real child has a wide nose and she and her mother, Tina, are gradually reshaping it out of the public eye, or that, you know, Blue Ivy Carter is actually what some people would consider a DOLL, and not at all real.

The second thing that has me wondering is the way Beyonce’s holding that baby. Blue Ivy is allegedly a little over eight months old, and while eight months is pretty good when it comes to development and the baby being able to hold itself upright for long periods of time, Beyonce’s holding that kid like she weighs no more than a ten-pound bag of Yukon Gold potatoes. It’s either that, or Beyonce has the world’s strongest index fingers and thumbs. It’s just awkward positioning. And she’s still so small for being eight months old. I guess that’d probably the the third odd thing about this picture. I know babies are all different sizes, and some eight-month-olds really are this small, but B.i.C. doesn’t even look like she’s grown in the past six months, especially when you compare this picture to other pictures of her and her mother. If anything, she looks smaller than she has in previous photos. Like this one:

photo of beyonce and blue ivy carter pictures

And this one:

photo of beyonce and blue ivy pictures
Bottom line? This picture, and this baby, just does not look like it’s a real thing. There’s just no f-cking way. Somebody’s doing a baby-swap, and I think that someone’s name is Beyonce.

Look, It’s Blue Ivy!

A photo of Beyonce and Blue Ivy

Well, it’s Blue Ivy and Beyonce, but you know, whatever, we see that broad every day. Blue Ivy, though, we haven’t really seen all that much of her at all. There have been several paparazzi shots of Beyonce with her baby, but she’s always entirely covered up so that you can’t see her face. Then, of course, there were those photos of Blue that were posted on Tumblr, but that was way back in February.

Today is a brand new day though, and we have a candid shot from somebody who happened to be in the same shop as Beyonce and Blue. That person was kind enough to post the photo on Twitter, and the rest of the internet was kind enough to notice. So what do we think?

Ok, here’s the thing: I’m kind of bad at babies. If it’s really, painfully obvious, I can tell what features a baby shares with its parents, but other than that, I usually just coo at them and hold their little hands. But does this baby the same baby that we originally saw back in February?

Here’s the old baby:

A photo of Blue Ivy

If I’m being completely ridiculous, feel free to call me out on it, but I’m starting to get suspicious. The baby has a different hairline now, different hair texture, a seemingly darker skin tone (but that could just be the quality of the photo), and it looks to me like the eyes might be shaped a little differently too. So please, people with more baby experience than me, are these kinds of changes normal, or are we looking at two different babies?

Kim Kardashian Is An Aunt Again!

A photo of Kim Kardashian

No, Kourtney hasn’t had her second baby yet. And no, Khloe isn’t pregnant. Kim just decided to declare herself “Auntie Kim” to Beyonce‘s kid.

From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Kim Kardashian is desperate to become BFFs with Beyonce – and she’s spoiling the singer’s baby to get super-close, say sources.

Kim splurged on a $5000 diamond-studded baby bracelet for Beyonce and Jay-Z’s 6-month-old daughter Blue Ivy. But Kim presumptuously personalized the trinket with the engraving “Love Auntie Kim.”

And now Beyonce is suspicious that Kim is trying to buy her friendship, confide insiders.

“They have been friends for five minutes, but already Kim is trying to force herself into Beyonce’s life,” says a source. After Kim bought Blue Ivy the pink-and-white-diamond-studded bracelet, Beyonce was moved by the lavish gesture, but then she became suspicious of the grandiose “Auntie Kim” engraving.

“She thought it was over the top, considering she’s known Kim personally for such a short time. Despite Kim’s sex tape and bad marriages, Beyonce had been warming to her based on her charming demeanor and romance with Kanye, who’s a good friend. But she certainly doesn’t consider Kim family in any way, shape or form. And for Kim to suggest that closeness in a present for Blue Ivy really put Beyonce off.”

Beyonce and Kim have been spending time together during the “Watch the Throne” tour, but Beyonce is beginning to feel uncomfortable, according to the source.

“She believes Kim is trying to buy her friendship through her daughter, and she’s cooling to their friendship. Right now, Beyonce is on her guard. She’s keeping her distance until she feels more trusting of Kim.”

I can’t believe I’ve never really thought about the close relationship that Kim will have with Blue Ivy now that she and Beyonce are total BFFs. I mean, of course she’ll get Blue Ivy cute little bracelets and trinkets and dresses, you know? Because she’s family now. And by the way, this isn’t sarcasm, this is just what Kim actually thinks. Because she is completely out of touch with reality. And she’s probably already planning not only her wedding to Kanye, but also her firstborn son’s wedding to Blue Ivy. It’s because she’s a romantic, not because she’s a stalker, ok?

New BFF Alert: Beyonce and Kim Kardashian, For Real This Time

A photo of Beyonce and Kim Kardashian

Nearly a month ago, I told you guys about how Kim Kardashian went to a Beyonce concert, and about how she went backstage afterwards where they were seen “greeting each other with an embrace and dancing together.” I suggested that they were going to become total besties, but nooo. You guys were all “it’s not true, Beyonce would never!” and “show me the pictures then!”

BOOM:

A photo of Kim Kardashian and Beyonce

There’s Kim and Bey in Birmingham last night, watching their men, Kanye and Jay-Z, put on a show. But hey, you can’t really see their faces all that clearly, right?

BOOM AGAIN:

A photo of Kim Kardashian and Beyonce

I’ll throw a couple more pictures in the gallery, but here’s a video! It’s really terrible quality, and I’d suggest turning your speakers way down, but you can see Kim and Beyonce in the mosh pit in the very beginning with a bodyguard ordering someone to turn their camera off:

It’s not much, but it’ll hold us over until Beyonce makes her debut on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

These Are the Beyonce 60-Pound Weight Loss Photos That Everyone’s Talking About

photo of beyonce weight loss pictures
Remember how I just keep going on and on about Beyonce and her C-section and her pregnancy and frankly, even though it’s technically old-ass news, I just can’t seem to leave the shit alone? Well, here’s another story to add to the massive pile of “what the f-ck, Beyonce?” that we, here at Evil Beet, are in the process of creating.

As I told y’all the other day, Beyonce recently happened to mention that she lost sixty post-baby pounds in the immediate weeks following her C-section, which was this past January. She announced this business during her first post-baby show at a casino in Atlantic City, which was where the accompanying photos were taken. And that was this past weekend. And I’m not saying that Beyonce’s chunky—because she’s not. I think Beyonce’s got a beautiful, toned, enviable, kick-ass figure, and she’s not a shapeless stick. But seeing Miss Beyonce in the days leading up to her delivery, there is NO F-CKING WAY IN HELL that this woman packed on sixty pounds during her pregnancy. NOT A CHANCE. Because looking at the photo above, and the others in the gallery, Beyonce would have been MASSIVE—even bigger than Jessica Simpson was—and not that there’s anything wrong with that (you know how I feel about all that), she would have been the size of the Hindenberg in those weeks prior to her delivery. But she wasn’t. She looked like this:


And this:


Come on!

Final thought? People only just started letting this “fake Beyonce pregnancy” thing go. And then girlfriend had to open her mouth about this half-a-person weight-loss garbage. Maybe girl should keep her damn mouth shut and let sleeping dogs lie, you know?

I rest my case.