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Beyonce

3Beyonce Says That All Those Surrogacy Rumors Were “Oh My Gosh, So Stupid”

A photo of Beyonce

From People:

From the moment she stepped into the spotlight, Beyoncé has been the center of her fair share of rumors.

But even PEOPLE’s 2012 Most Beautiful Womanwas caught off guard when, while pregnant with her first child, whispers started swirling that she and husband Jay-Z had settled on a surrogate to carry their daughter.

“That was crazy. It wasn’t hurtful, it was just crazy,” the songstress, 30, tells PEOPLE. “[I thought] ‘Where did they come up with this?’”

But perhaps the person most affected by the surrogacy speculation was not the expectant mom herself, but rather her own mother, Tina Knowles.

“I thought it was very unfair and very cruel that someone would think that someone would be that diabolical to keep up a charade like that for nine months,” she says. ”As a mother it was painful for me to hear the crazy rumors. And I even had people ask me, which was so ridiculous.”

Alluding to an Australian interview in which it was later suggested that Beyoncé had been sporting a prosthetic bump, Knowles says, “It was a fabric that folded — does fabric not fold? Oh my gosh, so stupid.”

Fortunately, the protective mom adds, her daughter’s global fan following offered plenty of support. “There was so much love and well wishes from all over the world — it made it easier to deal with the stupid rumors.”

But the dust didn’t settle once the couple welcomed their baby girl.

Amidst the joy of welcoming Blue Ivy on Jan. 7, the new parents were said to have upset the hospital with their high list of security demands — a rumor that Beyoncé clarifies is “so crazy” and “ridiculous.”

Totally ridiculous.

I knew this girl in college who would just lie all the time. There was just a constant stream of lies pouring out of her lying mouth at all times. She would make up excuses for why she couldn’t do things and she would make up stories about things she had done. And it wasn’t a surprise or anything, because everyone knew what was going on. When anybody called her out on it and just flat out said “girl, this isn’t true, you are lying,” she’d always say “what? That’s crazy. That’s so ridiculous. What?” That was her defense, to call everything “crazy” and “ridiculous.” And that’s why I’m like “whatever, Beyonce.”

By the way, here’s that video that’s “oh my gosh, so stupid,” the one where the fabric of Beyonce’s dress folds:

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Yep, still looks less like fabric folding and more like a belly folding to me, Bey.

April 30, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Beyonce

18Beyonce Does Not—DOES NOT—Want to Be Kim Kardashian’s Friend

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Come on, now, are you surprised?

From Heat World:

“Despite Kanye being one of Jay’s closest friends, Beyoncé wasted no time in banning Kim from being invited into their circle, which is exclusive to say the least,” a friend of Bey’s tells heat. “Beyoncé is used to hanging out with Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow – she’s in a totally different league to Kim.”

It’s bad news for Kim who is big fan of the pop diva, as she was hoping for lots of girlie bonding sessions with Beyonce.

“Kim had visions of her and Beyoncé hanging out while Jay and Kanye talked music and business,” heat’s source reveals, “but it’s not going to happen.”

It looks like Reality star Kim’s tell-all lifestyle clashes with the ultra-private Beyonce’s – who closely guards details of her own private life.

“Bey’s marriage to Jay-Z was extremely private, and neither of them confirmed it until long after the event. Kim, on the other hand, turned her wedding into a media circus and the whole thing was filmed for a Reality show. Bey thought that it was really tacky and is not a fan of Reality TV, either.”

It just goes to show—no matter how much money you have, who you have under your thumb, how pretty you are, and even, f-ck, how many times you’ve been peed on for public consumption—money can’t buy class, and nor can it buy the friendship of people who possess said class.

Thing is, Kanye and Jay-Z are, like, the most epic of friends, supposedly. Don’t you think that Kanye dating Kim is going to drive a wedge between … well, it’s going to drive a wedge between someone(s), because if Kanye can’t bring Kim around Jay-Z and Beyonce because Beyonce knows what’s up, then Kim’s going to feel all awkward and shunned, and Kanye’s going to go on an ALL CAPS RANT, and shit’s going to blow up between him and Jay-Z, and then Jay might get upset with Beyonce ’cause she can’t get along with dirty hos. Man, the drama.

At any rate, if this is all true, it’s really good to know that even though there are people who idolize the Kardashians for whatever reason, that there are just as many “important” people out there who don’t think they’re worth a bucket of cold piss. No pun intended.

April 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

7Love It or Leave It: Beyonce’s Post-Baby Fashion

A photo of Beyonce

Oh my goodness, you guys. When Beyonce gave birth to Blue Ivy (or removed her baby bump-shaped pillow from under her shirt and picked Blue up from the hospital, whichever), did her fashion sense go with her? Because this woman has been looking rough these past few months. I’m not talking about her body either: I’m talking about the clothes that she chooses to put on her body. They are awful.

Look at those pants. Look at those plants and tell me why they exist. Or, ok, I can see why they exist, but explain to me why Beyonce wore them out in public to a Knicks game instead of at home to go to bed. And why is she insisting on wearing that hat and sunglasses combo? One time could be cute and quirky, but if it’s going to become a habit, then I revoke my support immediately. And those shoes. I actually had to zoom in on her feet to see that the tips are pink and the sides are clear and she’s not just wearing ridiculously narrow heels. If you know how much feet gross me out, then you know that I’m dedicated to this cause. It’s the cause of revealing Beyonce’s offensive fashion choices and persuading her to seek help in the future. It’s very near and dear to my heart.

One last thing: I think I saw those pants in a JC Penney catalog at my grandma’s house in 1997. And I think she circled them with a highlighter.

A photo of Beyonce

But what do you think?

April 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Beyonce

9Is This the Body of a Woman Who Gave Birth 3 Months Ago?

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No, I’m being serious: could this be the body of a woman who actually, really, did give birth three months ago? Because Beyonce … well, she kind of looks like someone who gave birth three months ago. No joke, this is kind of what I look like at this point in time, and I gave birth almost two months ago. Could it be true? Could Beyonce really have been pregnant? I mean, pregnant with an actual baby, that is?

These photos were taken in St. Bart’s this past weekend, where Beyonce and Jay-Z are holidaying, and it’s nice to see them so low-key, so non-blingy, and so … parent-y. It’s kind of refreshing, actually. It makes you think that really anything is possible, and even though you *think* you may know it all, you just might … well, you know. Not.

See, I came into this post with a lot of preconceived notions about what pregnant ladies are supposed to look like during gestation, whether or not their baby bumps should fold and collapse on national television, what real babies look like as opposed to plastic dolls, and how shapely – or non-shapely – pregnant ladies can sometimes be post-birth. But I can see here that anything is really possible when you’re talking about Beyonce Knowles-Carter, and it’s really, really nice to see that there can be an element of surprise just around the corner when you least expect it.

April 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Beyonce

17Report: Beyonce’s Probably Carrying Around a Fake Baby

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From MediaTakeout:

MediaTakeOut.com was first tipped off by DOZENS of readers who claimed that Bey’s new 2 month old baby looked STRANGE in recent pics . . . and they suspected that Bey might be carrying around a DOLL – instead of a 2 month old baby.

Well MedaTakeOut.com did an investigation – and our findings were STARTLING!!! We looked at photos of Blue taken about a WEEK AND A HALF in New York – and compared them with images taken two days ago. In the photos, Baby Blue grew in height about 11%. To put that in perspective, if Blue was the AVERAGE HEIGHT two weeks ago (according to the WTO growth charts) she would have been 22 inches tall. In less than 2 WEEKS, Blue would have grown at LEAST 2.5 inches – making her the size of the average FOUR MONTH OLD. A growth rate like that is almost UNHEARD OF!!!

Do I believe this? Ha! Absolutely. Beyonce undoubtedly had a fake pregnancy, so what goes better with a fake pregnancy than a fake baby? Nothing. The answer is ‘nothing’, because it’d be completely preposterous to think that Beyonce actually birthed a doll, now, wouldn’t it? Yes, it would. And speaking of dolls, let’s revisit the too-early-released photo of Beyonce’s daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, shall we?:

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See? That child could totally be a doll.

Now, the second part of this whole thing would be to consider why Beyonce would be carrying around a fake kid. Here are a few ideas: 1) Beyonce’s afraid the kid’s going to get mobbed, and she’s carrying around a fake while the real BI is chilling at home, 2) Beyonce is actually the decoy, and the kid that the fake-Beyonce is carrying is the real Blue Ivy Carter, or 3) Beyonce’s lost her damned mind and is operating under delusions of grandeur. Jay-Z, of course, is too gentlemanly to actually out her on her insanity, so he plays into the whole thing by writing rap songs for a child that doesn’t exist while he pretends that he doesn’t think women are bitches and hos (that last part’s almost pretty convincing).

Honestly, I like any one of those options, really.

Image of Beyonce from recent doctor’s visit courtesy of Bossip

March 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Beyonce

2Love It or Leave It: Beyonce Does Something Good for a Change

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Can you believe it! I want to put all of our Beyonce birth speculation away for one moment, and try to get past the general distaste we feel due to being lied to for so long, because this outfit? It’s just this: pretty cute. It’s colorful and springy and feminine, while looking take-charge and get-business-done. I love it. If I could replicate it, I would. But then again, if I could replicate it, that means I’d probably be able to drop a grand on a skirt and not have the conscience that there are much wiser ways to spend my money. And in spending news, Beyonce’s commissioning Christian Louboutin to make shoes for her growing baby girl (which’ll probably cost a fortune and only get two or three wears):

[Beyonce] has reportedly asked Christian Louboutin to design a matching pair of shoes for herself and Blue.

Beyonce and Blue Ivy were recently pictured wearing Marc Jacob cat slippers while out for a little stroll in New York, and combined the combined price tag for their Charlotte Olympia cat flats was around $700 but a pair of red-bottoms could be in the thousands.

Let’s talk about this for a second, alright? I think the most expensive pair of shoes I’ve ever bought was probably in the $150 range, and I suffered bouts of grief and guilt and paranoia for almost three months after the purchase. Granted, I didn’t return them; I actually wore them ’til the soles began to wear out, and it was the only expensive pair of shoes I bought for a three-year period, so I really *only* ended up spending $50 on them (or at least, that’s what I told myself to help alleviate the stomach ulcers that started to grow). This is plainly how I justified it to myself. But paying “thousands” for shoes? Yeah, I know that you spend proportionately to what you earn, and those who make ten times more than I do are apt to spend ten times more than I do, but come on. Beyonce wasn’t born rich, so to be dropping this kind of money on something so temporary and so … OK, I’ll say it – WASTEFUL – when there are people out there who can’t put a decent meal on the table really kind of boggles the mind.

I’m going to get off my soapbox now, and I’m probably going to whip out those shoes that I bought so long ago (YEAH I still have them) and wear them as punishment for the next three days while I think of ways to make it right in the world for spending so frivolously all those years ago. Maybe I’ll go offer to scrub the latrines pro bono at my local Walmart or something.

March 30, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Beyonce