So The Grammys bore a new meme: Pharrell‘s hat.
Sorry, but I’m not ready for this to be a new thing.
Let’s take a look at what others wore to this craptacular awards show!
This week we had Hollywood’s least impressive awards show, the People’s Choice Awards, and no one really brought their A-game fashionwise. I get that you don’t want to wear your best dress to the PCA but some of these outfits…yikes.
Take a scroll through the looks and then tell me YOUR picks for BEST, WORST, AND WTF. Mine are at the end!
OK, I mean, we did, but it wasn’t our fault. You haven’t done anything super amazing since, what, The House Bunny? Wait, no, that’s not right. Definitely since Mama’s Boy. No, no, that’s not right either. Right! Since Brokeback Mountain. You were nominated for some kind of award for your performance, right? I mean, not YOU specifically, but the movie itself, so then yes, that.
Also, did you guys know that Anna Faris is doing another Scary Movie movie? Did you guys even know that there was going to be another Scary Movie movie? Neither did I, and it’s apparently the fifth (!) installment in the series. Check out the interview with Manhattan magazine where she talks about the origins of her role in Scary Movie and how taking herself so seriously took its toll on her career.
On the casting of Scary Movie:
“I’ve asked Keenen why he cast me, and he said, ‘Because you didn’t know what you were doing.’ Does that mean I was malleable? Willing to fall down a hundred times and get hit in the head more? I don’t know. [Pause] The real answer is, it’s because I took myself so seriously.”
On being funny and wearing granny pants:
“In college one of my jobs was as a receptionist, and during my lunch breaks I’d wander around the city. So, on this particularly beautiful day, I was out walking in a dress, wearing my backpack, feeling great. But then I realized I was attracting a lot of looks, really getting checked out, which really made me angry, although I bet I loved it, even if I wouldn’t admit it. So, I’m scowling and stomping around when an older lady in a van pulls over and yells, ‘Hey girlie, your a** is showing!’ My dress had gotten hiked up under my backpack, giving full view of my Costco granny panties. My ass is showing, and I’m condemning a city full of lecherous men! That’s what I think [of] when I think about comedy and what it is.”
On her dream character:
“That’s what I would love to play! A woman who is unambitious, has no maternal instinct, is liberated from vanity, relishes porn and is pretty much the female version of the comic male mess.”
So, wait. I’m guessing, what, she wants to be Sarah Silverman, then? Because she’s just way too pretty for that, you know.
But before the loving couple gets down to work (heh), they need to tie up some loose ends. So: Chris Pratt asked his Twitter followers whether anyone were interested in adopting Anna’s beloved cat.
Bad move! Reports Us,
Unfortunately, Pratt’s inquiry was met with a several rude comments and even death threats, prompting the actor to address the situation on his official website.
“To those of you somehow hung up on the notion that I kicked the walker out from underneath our cat and threw her into the streets, first of all, cats don’t use walkers, so that’s a ridiculous notion,” Pratt wrote. “Secondly, I found my aging cat a g—damn loving home! Ease up with the death threats for Heaven’s sake!”
It looks like Mr. Pratt removed his blog post shortly after, and Google Cache has no memory of it. Grr!
I really feel for Chris Pratt. Don’t get me wrong—I would never get rid of my boyfriend’s cat. Or any cat! And I say that as a person who is allergic to cats (not deathly, no, but palpably).
But my best friend is an expectant mother, and her heart is totally crushed: she probably/definitely has to give up her beloved cat, Elton. Mind you, this isn’t like a weird 1700s superstition thing. That demon-cat has been feral since he was a kitten, and he has only become more freaking sinister these last ten years. He always slinks into the guest bedroom in the middle of the night and claws me in the eye. I have to lock the door! I’m telling you, given the chance, that cat would totally gnaw a baby’s face off. Fact.
ANNA FARIS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
US Magazine wonders whether this is a wig, and that is some wishful thinking, US Magazine. It’s like, just, OK, this is not a wig; if only this were a wig.
Anna Faris is a natural blonde—I know, I know, not that natural, I do have eyes—and until a couple weeks ago her bobbed haircut was so pretty and glossy and, well, kind of wig-like. But we loved it, right? It was such fun, happy hair, for happier, funner times.
But this new look is… dour, somehow? Whose idea was this hair? It’s awful. It’s so brown. It’s so short, so brown. I can’t wrap my head around the wherefores, but her haircut somehow makes her look her age, and in the worst possible way (SHE’S 34). This is Mom Hair.
And I’ll tell you what else. I love short hair. Short hair is the best. I got my first pixie cut when I was 18, trying to cash in on my “elfin chic.” But I absolutely did not know what I was doing, what with the whole new world of pomades and sprays and gels opened up to me. And so I had a serious, retroactively-humiliating case of the Crispies. Every strand of hair was immutable. My hair was so crispy, I once leaned in for a kiss and poked the guy IN HIS EYE with my anime hair.
A few years slipped by before I really understood how to make my short hair not-crispy. You think it’s easy? It isn’t. I have trodden this path before, and it was a long, hard road.
So I think I can understand what’s happening here: Anna Faris woke up Monday morning, showered, pooled a dollop of expensive product in the palm of her left hand, rubbed her hands together, ran her palms through her too-short ‘do, picked at her bangs for a minute, and then shouted, “Good to go!” And then Anna Faris high-fived the mirror, leaving a smudgy little handprint made of Pureology residue.
NO, ANNA FARIS. NO. You were not good-to-go! Contrary to whatever your liar stylist told you, this is not “wake up in the morning and go directly outside” hair. Short hair is an entirely new language. Learn your hair, my beloved Anna Faris. LEARN YOUR HAIR.
I am only telling you this because I love you. I will check in from time to time to see how you’re doing.
House Bunny’s Anna Faris has been engaged to that Chris Pratt dude — the one who had the pleasure of co-starring with Mischa Barton on the O.C. — since 2008. As it turns out, they actually got married over a month ago in Bali. Which could mean one of two things: Their people were completely masterful at orchestrating a secret ceremony or no one really cared.
In April, Beet mentioned that the Anna of today looks nothing like the Anna of before. I planned on including an “Anna My, Hasn’t Your Face Changed? Faris” photo gallery, but the agency that had the best vintage Anna photos, wasn’t cooperating with me today. Like there will every be another time that any gossip blogger is going to want to download 31 pictures of Anna Faris’ face.
Anyway, suffice it to say, she does look like a completely different human being. Congrats to Chris Pratt and his robo-bride!
Now HERE’S some refreshing news: Anna Faris, who’s getting married this summer to actor Chris Pratt (no relation to the Douchepratt), says rather than starve herself in preparation, she’s eating more.
“I am fattening it up!” she confessed when asked if she’ll be changing her workout routine for the big day. “Now that I have a man, I’m like, ‘Oh, I don’t have to try anymore! Now I can eat. We love to splurge at home. We love to cook. My fiancé is an incredible eater, and so he’s really fun to feed, and it’s great to share some wine and watch a movie. He’s always like, ‘Baby, don’t lose that butt!’”
Oh whatever. Like Anna Faris has a butt. Also this is the same girl whose face completely changed, Audrina-style, somewhere around 2007. So I’m not entirely sure I’m buying into the I-love-me-for-me argument she’s presenting here.
The cool thing here is that I’ve FINALLY heard of this dude she’s marrying — he’s in the new Amy Poehler show, Parks & Recreation (which is actually really really good if you haven’t seen it). He plays Andy, the loser, broken-legged boyfriend of Rashida Jones’ character. Hopefully he’ll end up being more stable for Anna — she dumped her last husband, another unknown actor, in April 2007.