Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Miley Cyrus! A Penis Cake! Drunkenness! Tabletop Dancing!

photo of miley cyrus drunk dancing cleavage boob upskirt pics photos
Ooh, Miley, you dirty little piggy, you. What will daddy say when he sees his little princess gesticulating all over a large, penis-shaped cake? Oh, and then swigging back Long Island iced teas like a Jersey Shore reject while batting obviously-fake eyelashes (one of which is starting to come undone, thus looking like an escaped tarantula that’s about to eat a face)? Then, to put the cherry on top, she’s found table dancing, exposing her black lace thigh-highs to everyone! Wow. Way to go, girl. That’s some impressive stuff right there.

The above and below (some of which are slightly NSFW, in that if your place of employment has an issue with young women simulating oral sex on phallic-like cakes, maybe you shouldn’t click through the gallery) photos were taken of Miley at boyfriend Liam Hemsworth‘s 22nd birthday party, which was held last weekend.

I don’t know, girl. Announcing you’re a stoner at your birthday party, taking large bites out of red velvet penis cake, and getting tabletop-dancing wasted? It sounds like you’re on a really awesome path, huh? And only nineteen, too. Good for you! You want to know what Lindsay Lohan was doing at nineteen? Here’s a few things: Herbie: Fully Loaded. Being called a “genuine star” by real film critics. Making music. Claiming that you’d never see her in a nude scene. Doing Ellen appearances like this one:

(That’s one bad interview, friends. “I like the word raw”? Oh my. If you didn’t think that was an indicator of what was to come, I don’t know what to tell you. LINDSAY LOHAN LIKES IT RAW, HAR HAR HAR.)

Nineteen, there, folks. Also, that’s really when Lindsay started going off the rails, at the very tail-end of 2005 there. That’s when she wrecked a car and started losing a lot of weight, and even when she developed the first inklings of that ladylike cocaine habit.

Anyway. If these photos of Miley are any indication of what’s to come, I’d say we’re in for a few interesting years, now, aren’t we? If not, and it’s girlfriend just being a relatively-regular nineteen-year-old, that’s OK too. Just be careful, Miles, because a little bit can go a long way, and OBVIOUSLY, the tiniest misstep can set off a crazy spiral of f-cked up events, and then, before you know it, you look a little something like this:

photo of lindsay lohan pictures photos meth face pics
Friends don’t let friends end up with meth face, girl.

Images courtesy of TMZ

34 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I think a penis cake is generally a bad idea. Especially for a guy. Unless he is gay. This one is even worse because it’s shiny and appears to be made of red velvet cake (witness the photo where a bit of the tip is cut off.) Add in Miley’s attempts to look sexy, and I’m just left thinking “vom.”

  • Why would a straight guy want a giant, black cock as a birthday cake? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Miley goaded him into it just so she could look “sexy/adult-ish” (said w/ extreme sarcasm) in these pics…

    Penis cake aside (never thought I’d say that phrase), am I the only one disgusted by the idea of everyone licking/breathing/blowing on a birthday cake? LEAVE IT BE, dammit.

    • omg i was thinking the same thing…why would a straight guy want a penis cake…so weird…i hadn’t thought about that being a way for miley to look “sexy” either lol..but it does seem like something she’d want

  • Just because LL turned into a trainwreck doesn’t mean that every 19 year-old who drinks will do the same. I can (hazily) remember myself doing worse things at 19 in college and no drug addictions or drinking problem here. I think it’s a fairly normal phase for that age. Miley’s made some bad choices for a public figure, but I think people need to get off her back and take a look at what her peer group (who isn’t being examined under a microscope) is up to. I think they’d find she isn’t all that different than the girls her age on their nearest college campus.

  • yeah other than the fact that it’s weird for a guy to have a penis cake(and yeah the shininess makes me want to heave) i don’t really see a huge deal-being 19 and drinking/dancing on tables(or other furniture) is totally normal&i’m pretty sure her suggestive behavior is just a joke

  • the photo of LL makes me so sad—I’m ten years older than she is and she looks way older than I do. She was such a pretty girl once upon a time—but, man, EVERYTHING has caught up to her, and it shows.

  • What is the difference between some of the things that she is doing now as opposed to what most of you have done in your past, and is now at an advance level for your significant other

  • When I was her age I was kicked out of a bar for dancing on a table with one of my friends. I used to get drunk a few times a week and I probably wore much sluttier clothes at times too.

    Now I am 26, just bought my own home with my partner, am the manager of a local cafe and am planning to start a family.

    My point is, loads of people are like this or worse at 19. It doesn’t mean they will all end up in rehab.

    • i know you passed with difficult times, but here there is a difference between sexy and insanity, unfortunately miley cross the insanity line.

  • agree with previous comment
    moreover she is unabashedly trashy. i think it’s repression makes one ‘go off the rails’ and she’s clearly been balls out about how trashy she is so that might make a difference in what direction she takes from here

  • she is turning to a real hore, but if she wants too, i am sure in few years from know she will start having problemas with drugs and drinking,

  • Miley is very hot now! Now she shows a little bit of sexiness everyone freaks out. I know she loves cock a friend of mine had sex with her then she wanted another friend of his so they had a threesome. My friend said Miley came in in only a white bra white gstring and suntan stockings and 6in heels. One in her puss and one in the butt! What’s next Miley? stay tuned!

  • Oh, come now. Can’t a girl be a skank and eat penis if she wants without everyone using some lame excuse like a birthday? We always knew she would end up being another Britney/Lindsey bad girl. She’ll be poppin’ out babies and shoplifting and maybe shaving her head before long. It’s the thing to do! BTW, did Liam even know about this party?

  • even in her pictorial nudes they couldn’t, wouldn’t, or just plain didn’t to open her eyes to the ugly life she is at-not headed for

  • i dont think that will be the first nor the last time she ever lick a dick she probably licks more then just a dick the nasty cunt she is another lindsey in training i dont know how any one can think she is anything to look at hell you would have to pay me in order to think about sleeping with that nasty bitch she is enjoying that i wonder what her parents think about that specially since her father was a famous singer and now he has to watch his daughter do all this crazy shit she is just a skanky whore that probably works on the corner on her free time



  • Geeze guys, give the girl a break, shes a teenager of course shell do stuff like this and who ever wants to deny it because their kids dont do it, its just that u never found out. give the girl a break!