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Lindsay Lohan

No One Is Seeing Lindsay Lohan’s Play

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Lindsay Lohan has been starring in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow and it’s been something of a disaster. And now, not even Oprah can save her from her dismal ticket sales. From the Daily News:

Lohan’s much-hyped arrival across the pond to star in a production of David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow” garnered the show press and drew audiences in the beginning, but now tickets for the play are on deep discount, nearly half off, starting at a measly 15 British pounds, or $24 here.

“Save 50% on tickets to ‘Speed-the-Plow’ starring Lindsay Lohan. Top price seats were £59.50, now just £29.75, saving you 50% when you book by Saturday,” is plastered on the homepage for West End Wilma, London’s equivalent to New York’s discount TKTS.

Sorry, Lohan, but LOLLLLL. Only $24 for a ticket? That’s pretty bad. And you know what? She deserves it. I feel no remorse over saying that. Yeah, she tried to get her shit together, but when you’re consistently late for rehearsals and can’t keep it together on stage, you deserve poor reviews and a drop in sales. I was rooting for her at one point, but now, I’m so over it. I don’t feel badly for her at all. I’m going to give her this:

you tried so hard star

I gotta say, I’m morbidly curious, and for $24, if the show were in the US, I would totally go see it. Would you?

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Lindsay Lohan has a crazy stalker of her own

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Crazy tends to beget more crazy, and that’s definitely what’s going on with Lindsay Lohan and her insane stalker, who has apparently been sending her thousands of messages online and attempting to get to her while she’s rehearsing for Speed-the-Plow (do people still rehearse one the show has already started? Seems bizarre, but okay!).

From The Daily Mail:

An alleged stalker is accused of bombarding Lindsay Lohan with more than 1,000 messages and punching a bouncer who barred him from seeing her rehearse for her West End comeback.

Daniel Vorderwulbecke will face trial over the altercation at London’s Playhouse Theatre, where the Hollywood star made her stage debut last month in David Mamet’s satire Speed-The-Plow.

It is claimed the 37-year-old, who goes by names including King Lionheart and DJ Dan Cortez, sent Miss Lohan thousands of text messages.

He also claims to speak to the actress personally and through social media every day, a court heard.

Today he was bailed to the specialist Gordon Hospital for mental health patients in Pimlico, central London, where specialists will prepare a psychiatric report ahead of his trial.

His lawyer, Patrick McGovern, said he was probably ‘unfit to plead’ due to his mental health. It is not known what condition Vorderwulbecke is reported to have.

It is claimed Vorderwulbecke stalked Miss Lohan for seven weeks between July and September this year by bombarding her with threats in person and through ‘various communication devices’ including Instagram.

More on this weirdo (including pictures) at the source, but can we just discuss for a second what in the actual fuck is going on in the world? Left and right, celebrities are having to get restraining orders or call the cops on insane fans who are stalking them or breaking into their houses and whatnot. I know this isn’t a new phenomenon, but it is an increasingly regular one, and that’s a bit concerning. Are there more and more crazy people in the world? Jesus.

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Oprah went to see Lindsay Lohan bomb on the West End

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Lindsay Lohan is getting less than stellar reviews for her performance in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow in London’s West End. She carries a prop book with her lines in it since she hasn’t memorized them (and flubs them anyway) and is somewhat of a laughing stock… but some people are genuinely trying to support her, like Oprah Winfrey, Lindsay’s self-proclaimed fairy godmother.


I’m wondering if Oprah was coming to check up on her, if she already happened to be in London or what was going on there. Frankly, you would’ve thought Oprah would have had enough of Lindsay’s excuses and bullshit. I guess it’s good that one person’s patience with her hasn’t worn out.

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Lindsay Lohan got laughed at during her West End debut

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Having lived in the UK on and off over the past several years, I can say one thing about the Brits: they don’t suffer fools gladly. They have no time for nonsense and tedious bullshit that Americans entertain all too gladly, which is why I knew Lindsay Lohan performing in Speed-the-Plow on the West End was going to be a total disaster and I couldn’t wait. And indeed, it’s worked out just that way, with the London audience actually laughing at her during the show’s opening night.

From The Daily Beast:

On the first night of previews, a work-in-progress feel is to be expected. But halfway through the second act of Speed-the-Plow, the audience was openly laughing at Lohan’s struggle to grasp Mamet’s sharp, trademark dialogue.

After her first audible prompt, which came shortly after the interval, the audience sat patiently. The second led to titters in the stalls. Unfortunately for Lohan, the next line delivered by Richard Schiff (Toby from The West Wing) was: “You have done a fantastic job!”

The laughter grew louder.

Although she was sitting staring at a book, which may or may not have contained clues, a third prompt from the wings had Lohan smirking, and she raised her hand to her heart apologetically. By now, even her serious lines were being greeted with laughter. “I know what it is to be bad, I’ve been bad,” her character Karen emotes. More laughter.

“Oh my god, it’s so embarrassing,” said a woman in the crowd during an unusually long set change. In truth, Lohan remained charming throughout.

The chaotic second half had not started promisingly when the occupants of the box closest to the stage tipped a glass of champagne over someone in the front row. It ended with a minor wardrobe malfunction as Lohan’s blouse puffed out—untucked—below what was supposed to be a smart new outfit.

Ouch. That sounds… sufficiently awkward. That all being said, however, the article goes on to insist that there was no major trainwreck, she just needs to, you know… learn her lines. I actually would be interested to see this in person, if only to witness it with my own eyes. The character Lindsay’s playing is desperate, obsessive… in other words, a little too close to who she really is, which is why, I suppose, people are laughing – even when they shouldn’t be.

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Lindsay Lohan and Tina Fey meet again at ‘Mean Girls’ reunion

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Somehow, Lindsay Lohan managed to clean up and show off a glimmer of her former, non-drug addled self when she met up with Tina Fey during the recent Mean Girls reunion. She looks so healthy and young and glowy! I’m assuming this pic was Photoshopped to high heavens, but I don’t even care. Get yours, Lindsay.

Lindsay actually posted this photo to her Instagram page a couple of days ago and then deleted it. A lot of people were wondering why, but it seems this was an exclusive to Entertainment Weekly’s upcoming issue, so she probably got told off.

Side note: Anyone think the Mean Girls hysteria is a bit over-the-top? I mean, it was good, yeah, but was it THAT good? I’m not too sure…

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Don’t Bother Texting Lindsay Lohan

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Lindsay Lohan is currently enjoying a little European vacation, and it’s apparently keeping her from responding to texts. Her “friends” are like, super worried, you guys. From Radar:

“Lindsay has abandoned her friends and her sober community,” a source close to Lohan tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. “She has stopped responding to our texts and calls and is basically ignoring everyone now. She’s getting the texts because they show up as read; she’s just not answering.”

“Some of these people have been friends with her for more than a decade,” the source continues.”There is nothing anyone can do, until she answers.”

Okay, not to be all “Team Lohan” here (gag me), but maybe she’s ignoring your texts because every time she responds, shit like this winds up in the tabloids. I don’t think Lohan has any real friends anymore. She’s either damaged the relationships she made or has made friends with people who sell her out. These sources talking to Radar are some pretty shitty friends.

Meanwhile, rumors persist that she’s missing rehearsals for what is sure to be a craptacular theatre debut. Girl doesn’t need “friends” or even actual friends — she needs a life coach, STAT.

P.S.: If you could text Lohan ANYTHING, what would you text her?

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Lindsay Lohan needs more attention, please

lindsay lohan bikini

Lindsay Lohan is basically on permanent vacation, which I sort of don’t understand since she actually tricked someone into giving her a role in a West End play so you would think she would need to be at rehearsals or, you know, doing something. Instead, she’s taking selfies in a bikini so that you’ll all give her as much attention as possible.

It’s pretty great that the shadows here cover all the weird drug bruises, scrapes and cuts she has all over her legs. That’s my favourite part. Here’s the thing, though: all she needs to do to be a beautiful girl is like, you know, stop smoking crack or snorting coke or whatever it is she’s doing. Start being an upstanding human being that’s reliable and dependable and not just full of shit. No selfies needed.

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