Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Did You Watch the Latest ‘Jersey Shore’?

The World Wide Web was all aflutter with Jersey Shore recaps yesterday, but I really didn’t want to link to any of them until I got myself all caught up.

As MTV has teased for months, Ronnie Ortiz-Aggro flies into an inevitable ‘roid rage in this week’s episode, yes.

But until that climactic moment, most of the episode is, in fact, a paragon of mature conflict resolution. Deena‘s kerfuffle with Pauly D and Vinny? Resolved! Sammi and Ronnie’s relationship? Comfortable and happy (until they get wasted)! Should J-Woww butt into Sammi and Ronnie’s newly happy relationship, even though she was privy to Ronnie’s secret phone calls to some strumpet named Hannah? Nope, Snooki advises sagely.

Snooki and Mike‘s friendship is on the skids, too, but instead of letting “the Situation” escalate, Snooki makes a phone call to boyfriend Jionni. And all was well in Snooki-land.

No, the real exciting gristle in this episode—and, trust, it’s the most exciting thing to ever happen with Ron and Sammi sharing the screen—is when Ron ‘hulks out’ on a half-asleep, genuinely blindsided Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. (You can tell Ron is mad serious about the impending fight, too, because he takes off his shirt first.)

The episode closes with the sound of a heartbeat flatlining. What, is Mike dead? In any case, MTV’s smooth editing suggests he leaves the villa on a gurney.

Other observations:

– This show is so educational! I learned how to talk about my period in Italian! (“Perioso,” really?)

– J-Woww really looks good! Really good! But if she loses one more pound, she’ll blow away.

– Favorite scene: the girls all dress as romance novelists, big hats and all, and give the boys withering looks during dinner.