Oh that crazy Deena Cortese. Always doing crazy, crazy things like drunkenly humping ceramic pigs and getting arrested, and drunkenly humping non-ceramic pigs (oh, no, my bad; the right word in this case would be ‘warthogs’), and generally being one fine, hot-ass mess in public. These photos are photos of her parents—her parents!—bailing her out of jail for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct or whatever the charge was. They all run together and there’re so many fine lines of demarcation that it doesn’t really matter anyway. It’s ‘Jersey Shore’, or, you know, ‘The Big Embarrassing Elephant in the Room When the Shore Generation is Old Enough to be in Nursing Homes’. The less specifics we have in this case, the better off everyone involved will be.
So, yeah. Deena Cortese and her parents, leaving the police station, where it looks like they might have kept her for the entire night. She’s wearing the same clothes she got arrested in, after all, and a hangover is apparently imminent, so that’s my guess.
The thing is, she’s kind of cute. I know, I know; I could seriously off myself for saying that, but I think it’s true. Normally I’d chalk something like this up to too much coffee and blurry lenses, but the thing is, I’ve actually said it before. Specifically, I said, “… Deena Nicole Cortese has potential … sort of.” And I meant it then, too. Save for the head part, Deena Cortese is a HOT-TAY.
And we’ll forgive her for ill publicity stemming from a drunk and disorderly this time. I guess it’s better than hearing all about her snap-on teeth, anyway. There’s still always that.
Here’s the text version of what happened:
Deena Cortese continued the fine Jersey Shore tradition by getting herself arrested Sunday.
Police chief Tommy Boyd said that one of his officers arrested Deena Cortese after seeing her “a little intoxicated.” Patrolman Chris Linnel, allegedly spotted her in the middle of a street, slapping cars that were driving by.
“Nothing major, but we can’t put up with it,” Chief Boyd said.
Deena was taken in handcuffs to the Seaside Heights police station where she was served a summons and then released.
And for our more visual readers, here are a few pictures that explain how things went down:
Oh, booze. It’ll get you every time – just ask Snooki. About a year ago, my body suddenly decided that it wasn’t going to accept liquor anymore (which I learned the hard way after vomiting from half a glass of vodka and cranberry juice), and since then I haven’t drunk anything at all, besides that bottle of Boone’s Farm on New Year’s. But back in my glory days, I did find myself wasted a good few times. But even in my drunkest state, I never would have tried to hit a moving car with my hand. Where does that urge come from? Do you just have to be trashed enough to think it’s a good idea, or do people who do that sort of thing just always have it in them? Do normal people try to slap cars while intoxicated? If you couldn’t tell, this is really bothering me.
Oh, now. How hot is Deena looking, guys? Hot, right? Between the injections, the diet pills, and the chemical peels, I thought she had this “alluring” thing on lockdown, but with these fancy new teeth? Man. If hotness could be gauged and charted, well. Deena Nicole Cortese would be off the charts. Thing is, though, Deena claims that she hasn’t had any plastic surgery. Nope, she chalks her brand-new look up to eyebrow sculpting and eyeshadow. All about the eyes, folks. From Deena’s Twitter:
just to let ya know, I have not got any plastic surgery..yes in the past i have had a nose job..and i am not against plastic surgery at all..i have thought about getting it redone to round the tip but haven’t yet..and don’t know if I am..I am not afraid to ADMIT i got plastic surgery so if I do.. I’ll let u know.. I thinned my eyebrows..and lost weight thanks to the [shill diet].. and learned how to do my makeup..lighter eye shadow brings out my eyes..and highlight under my eyes gives an effect of higher cheek bones.. the end. If I get the nose job I’ll let ya know =]
Also, she claims that she got Lumineers, not to be confused with veneers, through which your teeth need to be shaved. Shaved. No, Lumineers are snap-on teeth, and what better, longer-lasting thing to have than actual teeth?