Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

Mike Sorrentino has a tax fraud “situation” on his hands

mike the situation sorrentino
Get it? He’s got a “situation”? Eh? Eh?

Okay, I’ll stop. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, best (and only) known from his time on Jersey Shore, is in some hot water with the US government and has been charged with tax fraud conspiracy for not paying taxes on $8.9 million worth of income.

Here’s the scoop from People:

Court documents obtained by PEOPLE show that both Sorrentino and his brother are each charged with one count of conspiracy to defraud the United States, plus an additional two counts of filing false returns for the reality star, while his brother faces three.

He is also charged with failing to file a tax return in 2011, when he earned more than $1.9 million in income.

“From in or about January 2010 through in or about November 2013, in Monmouth and Ocean Counties, in the District of New Jersey and elsewhere, defendants Marc Sorrentino and Michael Sorrentino, aka ‘The Situation,’ did knowingly and intentionally conspire and agree with each other and others to defraud the United States by impeding, impairing, obstructing, and defeating, through deceitful and dishonest means, the lawful functions of the IRS, a constituent agency of the United States Department of the Treasury, to ascertain, compute, assess, and collect federal income taxes,” the document states.

Y’all, when will people learn that the IRS is no joke?

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PETA Gets It Wrong Again

A photo of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

I love animals. Like, I really, really love animals. But I absolutely hate PETA, and it’s because of shit like this. Of course, there are other reasons why I hate PETA, like, for instance, the fact that they euthanize over 99% of the animals in their shelters, but this business just really gets under my skin. Spaying and neutering is important, obviously, but do we really need The Situation, shirtless and surrounded by innocent kitties, to make that point? Is anyone actually going to see this poster and think anything but “ew, gross” or “hell yeah, man, p-ssy is awesome”? Because I seriously doubt it.

Basically, all this poster does is make me hate PETA more than I already do, and also it makes me wonder if The Situation switched to steroids after he got out of rehab. He looks bigger, right? Like in the shoulders and upper arms, he looks unnaturally large. Thoughts?

The Situation Is Not So Sober

A photo of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

The Situation has been out of rehab since April. He was there for less than two weeks, and even when he was in rehab, we were hearing about how he was planning on keeping up his club appearances, which, you know, sounded like a disaster.

It looks like that was about right, because that lovable Situation is reportedly back off the wagon:

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is in a tough situation.

The Jersey Shore star, 30, who entered rehab for substance abuse in March, “isn’t sober anymore,” a source tells Us Weekly in the new issue, on stands Friday.

Indeed, at West Hollywood’s London hotel September 26, a witness saw him “downing so many cocktails, he could barely stand.” (His rep responds, “He has not been drinking.”)

In his first interview after completing an in-patient treatment program, Sorrentino told MTV News, “Ever since I’ve been out, I’m not gonna lie . . . it’s not easy.”

The insider adds to Us that the Sitch is stressed the MTV series is ending: “Mike’s freaking out about what he’s going to do after the show.”

Sadly, I think we can all envision Mike going completely out of control when his fame starts to fade, right? And I’m not saying that we should all be forced to keep an eye on him, because that’s too much to ask, it really is, but could we all take shifts or something?

Don’t Worry, The Situation Is Coming Back to Jersey Shore

A photo of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

I know we were all worried that The Situation wouldn’t return to Jersey Shore after he got out of rehab. There were rumors that MTV was going to find a new cast member to take his place, and even more rumors that he had no intentions of giving up his partying, club-going lifestyle. So what’s going to happen? Is The Situation going to show a more mature side of himself that we’ve never seen before and retire for sobriety’s sake, or is he going to go back down to the Jersey Shore this summer?

I know I kind of gave it away in the headline, but here’s the story from TMZ anyway:

He can’t drink … but MTV’s still taking another fat chance on The Situation — casting him on Season 6 of “Jersey Shore” after his rehab stint for substance abuse — and somehow, Abercrombie & Fitch is involved.

Here’s how it all comes together: Situation just filed new legal docs in his ongoing battle with the clothing company over GTL-themed apparel. In the docs, Situation begs the judge in the case to let him skip an impending court date … scheduled for June 14th.

The significance of that date — Sitch says MTV has tapped him to return for another season of “Jersey Shore,” which tapes from May 22nd to July 7th.

Sitch says he’s required to be present at the “Jersey Shore” house 24/7 — so he’d be violating his MTV contract by showing up in court.

Side note: Sitch also says he wants in excess of $10 million from A&F for trademark infringement. A judge has yet to make a decision on the court date issue.

Bottom line — Situation’s coming back … more sober than ever! Woo.

Well, this doesn’t bode well, does it? I mean, I know he has those two whole weeks of rehab under his belt, but does he really think this is a good idea? Does he think he can go back into that environment and not drink, or does he just not care?

The Situation is “Stronger” and “Better Than Ever”

photo of mike the situation sorrentino pictures photos pics
From The Situation‘s very own website:

Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino is home and would like to thank his fans, friends, family, and business partners for their continued support and words of encouragement.

He is now stronger and better than ever, and excited for this new amazing chapter in his life.

With your positive reinforcement and a whole new outlook on life – there are so many great things on the horizon, and I am sure you will all be excited for the many new projects Sitch has in development.

Words alone cannot express how much you all mean to Mike, and his gratitude for the care you showed him is infinite.

You guys truly are the best!

Aren’t you so happy! He’s excited for this amazing new chapter in life! And since the Shore is going to start filming for its 6th season (ohmigod I can’t even pretend for a second that I’m not shocked and/or dismayed that this has been happening five consecutive seasons), he’s all amped up because he’s going to be bigger and better than ever! I’m all sorts of excited, myself, because someone – whoever wrote this – actually refers to Michael Sorrentino as ‘Sitch’. They call him Sitch, and they’re serious when they do it. That’s the part that *I’m* most excited about.

But yeah! Rehabbed in just two weeks, that’s, what, got to be some kind of record, huh (I checked; it’s not)? I’m assuming he can turn water into wine and walk on water? Hey! “Sitch” is just in time for Easter, you know – maybe he could really bust out some impressive moves and …

I’m sorry. I just can’t continue under these pretenses. The Situation is as full of shit as his show and all of the people who take him seriously. Word.

The Situation Checked Out of Rehab Already

photo of mike the situation sorrentino pictures photos pics
That was fast.

After only, like, two weeks of treatment, it’s the miracles of all miracles: The Situation is clean, anti-drug, and ready to get back to his real life. Which means that tomorrow, he’ll be dirty, packed with drugs, and fist-pumping to really shitty club music. Cool, right? TMZ reported last night that The Situation left the Cirque Lodge center in Utah because everything’s just hunky dory. Those Cirque people sure do work fast, huh? Mike’s been released from his “very serious drinking problem,” and will probably never touch another controlled substance, like, again.

Party on, Wayne.

Also, if you want to lower your IQ by about thirty points today, check out these American Reunion promos featuring The Situation and some of his castmates partying with the cast of American Reunion. At least the ones with no real career to speak of, anyway (that leaves you out, Alyson Hannigan).

The Situation Should Have Gone to Rehab Years Ago

A photo of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

I know, that was the most obvious headline ever, wasn’t it? But let me explain: not only should The Situation have been sent to rehab years ago, but MTV was well aware that he had a very serious drinking problem. For years. And they did a super job of handling it.

From TMZ:

MTV had threatened to replace The Situation on “Jersey Shore” many times over the past two years due to his excessive drinking — sources connected with the production tell TMZ.

According to sources, producers from MTV and 495 Productions sat Situation down for the first time while shooting Season 2 in 2010 — explaining his drinking had become such a problem … it was making it hard to shoot the show.

We’re told Sitch promised to pull himself together — but it quickly unraveled during Season 3, and producers had to speak with him again … this time threatening to replace him on the show if he didn’t clean up his act.

Sitch agreed again — and made a concerted effort to reel in his bad habits between Seasons 3 and 4. We’re told Situation showed promise in Italy during Season 4, but once the crew got back to the States … he was back to his old ways. This prompted another sit-down … and another threat of recasting.

Now, MTV’s got the opposite problem — Situation’s in rehab and sobering up completely. As a result, sources tell us 495 Productions is looking for new castmates to add to the show … in the hopes of phasing Sitch out entirely.

We reached out to MTV for comment … which insists, “There are no plans to replace the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’”

I don’t even know. I was going to say that this seems like a really shitty situation, but I don’t want to make such obvious puns, especially when this whole story just seems sort of gross. It seems like MTV would either send The Situation to rehab when he started making it difficult for other people to do their jobs or they’d just encourage it, since that’s what the show is all about. I think it’s a little weird that MTV scolded Sitch here to maintain just the right level of hot drunk mess to make the show entertaining.

Look, I watch this show, I’m not going to deny that. But it was always a group of people getting together in a house to party and do what they would do anyway, regardless of cameras. Honestly, if a couple of years ago a camera crew had been interested in paying me ridiculous amounts of money to follow me to the gay bar and put on a bit of a show, I would have considered it. But all these recent developments – the idea of having a pregnant Snooki and a newly sober Situation living in that house – are just icky.

What do you guys think? Are you going to keep watching, or is it just not fun anymore?