Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Vinny Guadagnino

The Fifth Season of Jersey Shore Is Nearly Upon Us!

The last season of Jersey Shore was so intense, right? There was all that drama with Jionni, we got to see Snooki’s problem with alcohol become painfully obvious and undeniable (as if it wasn’t already, right?) and, possibly the best part of all, we got to see The Situation ram his head into a wall. The fourth season of Jersey Shore was not a joke. It came at us hard and fast, and it didn’t slow down. So the fifth season should be the craziest yet, right?

Well, if you watch the trailer, not so much.

It looks like the highlights this season are going to be Vinny going home for a couple days and Snooki hitting the Situation with a plastic baseball bat. And that’s so disappointing. I mean, if you watch the whole trailer you don’t see one second of Ron and Sam fighting. Not one! It almost makes me not even want to watch it when it premieres on January 5th on MTV.


Vinny from Jersey Shore Released A Rap Song, Offended Everyone

Unfortunately, this clip from TMZ is the only video I can find that contains any of Vinny‘s original rap. See, shortly after he posted the song on his YouTube page, it offended the entire world, so he took it down. Let me give you some of the original lyrics though, just so you can get a taste of the stylings of Vinny:

“Oh you a fan? You wanna take a pic?
I like your crack girl … I wanna take a hit.
Yeah I’m takin’ it … I’m a get you naked bitch …
We can f*ck and make it fit… boomin shit and slatin’ it.
Actin’ like I’m raping it …
f*ck her til she fakin’ it.”

So, there’s that.  Are you charmed?  No, I know, it’s disgusting. But thankfully, RAINN, as always managed to jump in with a quick schooling:

“The lyrics in Vinny Guadagnino’s new rap song that glorify rape are ignorant.  Trivializing this violent crime sends a dangerous message to the public. Use of the term ‘actin’ like’ doesn’t mitigate the harm this crime has on survivors of sexual violence. We hope that Mr. Guadagnino will reconsider his stand on this issue and leverage his platform to reinforce a zero tolerance policy for sexual violence, as he has with bullying.”

And after being properly chastised, Vinny apologized:

“I’d like to apologize for the rap.  Was meant to be a funny take on an already ‘dirty’ song -  funny since I’m known as the ‘good boy’. I am 100 percent against violence of any kind.  I work with many organizations to stop violence and bullying, and will continue to.  It’s something I strongly believe in. Very sorry to anyone I’ve offended.”

Oh, Vinny. This kid was always my favorite of those lovable Jersey Shore lunkheads because he actually seemed like he had a pretty good head on his shoulders. I’m not saying this completely negates that or that after this truly shitty rap song he’s now a horrible person to be scorned for life, but really? How can you make a song with the lyric “actin’ like I’m raping it” and assume that’s going to go over smoothly?

But What Vinny G Really Wants to Do Is Direct!

Photo: Vinny G and his new mohawk on October 9

Kidding. Kind of.

But, seriously, dude. This is the second time I’ve read about Jersey Shore‘s Vinny—and his dreams of acting—in as many days. From his interview with New York Magazine:

That’s the reason I do [reality television]. I’ve always been in school plays and performing monologues and taking drama. Now I’m in acting classes. I do it the real way. I want to be a working actor. I would love that. I just like being on a series and having a script, and I want that to be my nine-to-five.

And in an interview with the HuffPo only two days ago, the reality star talked a little more about his theater background. “I have been doing acting my whole life. I did plays in high school,” he explained. “I take it pretty seriously. I used to do a lot of Shakespeare and Shakespearean festivals and monologues.”

Oh, Vinny Guadagnino! I love that you were a theater nerd in high school! May you know every happiness.

Me and Vinny from Jersey Shore Love Vinny from Jersey Shore

A photo of Vinny Guadagnino

There’s just something special about Vinny, isn’t there? Sure, it seems like he’s gotten a tad bit douchier since the first season, but still, I don’t think we’ll ever see Vinny getting arrested while trying to find the beach or knocking some dude out on the boardwalk. I just don’t think he has that in him. And, according to Vinny’s cheeky little blog, neither does he:

Hey reality star… you suck. You can’t ever be taken seriously because… look it…I mean….You’re on a friggin’ reality show for God’s sake! You suck because you’ve become famous for being yourself, partying, and  having sex with cameras following you around. You are a SELLOUT! Ok I’m sorry, I will be kinder to you. I know that the show doesn’t represent your entire personality but I have to judge you solely on what I see on TV. The fact that you signed up for a reality show means that you are desperate for fame, you have no brains, family values, or any sense of self respect. There is absolutely NO WAY that you can be on a reality show yet also share these traits. I mean….can I even call you a “human” now? Are you human? Maybe you were, but you can never be again. Whatever you do, do NOT expect to be taken seriously in the real world after being on a reality show. How the hell can we take you seriously? The fact that cameras followed you around for a few weeks absolutely diminishes any positive humanly qualities that you once had.

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Let’s Talk About Jersey Shore and Clothes

A photo of the cast of Jersey Shore, sans Deena

As if you’d ever look to Jersey Shore for fashion advice!

Youth clothing outlet Abercrombie & Fitch offered money to the Jersey Shore cast to not wear Abercrombie’s clothing. Yeah, like that’d make my 15-year-old self more likely to wear one of Abercrombie’s dumb T-shirts.

Then, after the company advised Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to stop wearing its threads, Abercrombie’s stock fell by 7.5%. Ha!

“If [Abercrombie] Don’t Want Us To Wear Those Clothes,” Pauly D wisely tweeted, “Why Make GTL Shirts?” Sure enough, Abercrombie has been making bank on Jersey Shore‘s popularity! Nice catch, Pauly!

Best of all: King of the whole brouhaha is castmate Vinny Guadagnino—he’s the brand-new spokesman for Phillips Norelco.

Jersey Shore Wants to Let You Know That It Gets Better

Vinny from Jersey Shore has jumped on the bandwagon that is the It Gets Better Project, and I think that’s a great thing.  Yeah, you can tell that he’s reciting something that’s been written for him, but bless him, I think he really means it.  If you’re a sucker for televised trainwrecks like I am, you know that Vinny is definitely one of the classier guys on Jersey Shore.  I’m not saying that he’s the picture of elegance, but he means well, and you can tell that he’s got some respect for other people, and he’s my favorite.  On top of that, I think that since the Jersey Shore audience is largely comprised of frat boys and mean girls and, you know, the popular crowd, some of them might see this video and be like “yo, bro, for real, let’s cool it with the ball-bustin’” or something alone those lines.  That is my fondest wish.

In short, he’s no Tim Gunn, but I’m really proud of Vinny.