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Jersey Shore

The Guys from Jersey Shore Have Some Advice for Honey Boo Boo Child

A photo of Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Honey Boo Boo Child

Look, I know some of you will judge me for this, but I love both Jersey Shore and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child, I really, really do. I like Jersey Shore because it’s just a big ol’ hot mess, and I love to watch hot messes from a safe distance, obviously, and I like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child because I think they’re actually a great little family. Sure, they eat roadkill sometimes, and sure, the mom makes spaghetti sauce by melting butter and ketchup in the microwave (no, really), but they have a whole lot of fun together, and they have some really positive views and values that you don’t see a whole lot on television. So yeah, I love them, no apologies.

Keeping that in mind, can you imagine how wonderful it is that most of the men from Jersey Shore got together to throw some advice to little Honey Boo Boo Child? Hint: it’s very wonderful.

“Run with it, run with it, run with it!” Paul “Pauly D” DelVecchio, 32, said earlier today when he and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro stopped by E! News to promote Thursday’s premiere of the sixth and final season of Jersey Shore. “Embrace it! Embrace it and go for it.”

The Honey Boo Boo haters remind Ortiz-Magro, 26, of the Shore‘s early days. “She gets the same feedback we got,” he said. “You know, ‘Look at these crazy people! What are they doing?’ Enjoy it while you can…Make the best of it.”

Pauly D warns not to take anything too personally. “Just push it aside, stay positive,” he said. “That’s what I do.”

And make sure not to forget where you came from.

“I would tell her to have a good support system and try to be grounded,” said Sorrentino, 30, adding, “All of us have a good system when we come home where there’s family and friends and whatnot to ground us to make sure that we stay true to ourselves.”

And call us crazy, but wouldn’t it be fun to see Honey Boo Boo spend a summer in Seaside Heights? “I think she would kill it,” Ortiz-Magro predicted. “She’d be like the new Snooki.”

Ok, so who’s going to start working on the show where Snooki adopts Honey Boo Boo Child? Is someone in the business? Can one of you guys send a fax or something. Thanks!

Jersey Shore: CANCELLED!

photos of the jersey shore season 1 cast pictures cancelled show pic
OH GOD YES THANK YOU.

From MTV:

… The upcoming sixth season of “Jersey Shore” will be its last, bringing the party to a close after three years, two continents and one lil’ bambino (not to mention countless punch-ups, blow-outs and catch phrases.)

The final season of “Jersey Shore” kicks off on Thursday, October 4, at 10 p.m. ET/PT, but MTV will commemorate the end of the show with a hot tub full of farewell programming, beginning Thursday, September 6, with a one-hour retrospective, called, appropriately enough, “Gym, Tan, Look Back.”

That special premieres at 6 p.m. ET/PT; in the lead-up to the 2012 MTV Video Music Awards, airing live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles at 8 p.m. Not only will it recap some of the most memorable moments from “Shore,” but it will also feature interviews with the cast and give fans their first sneak peek at the upcoming final season.

“Gym, Tan, Look Back” will serve as the capper on a full day of “Jersey Shore” nostalgia beginning at 11 a.m. ET/PT on September 6 with an awards-themed marathon of “Shore” episodes, which will include the most iconic moments in the series’ history. And then, the cast of the “Jersey Shore” will gather at the 2012 MTV Video Music Awards Pre-show (airing live at 7 p.m. ET/PT) to discuss the final season from the red carpet.

Additionally, following the season six premiere on October 4, MTV will give viewers bonus programming each week at 11 p.m. ET/PT following the final episodes, from fan-favorite after shows with the cast to the can’t miss reunion special and much, much more.

It’s the end of an era … not to mention one epic party, so we’re pulling out all the stops. Anything to avoid being stuck with the cleanup bill.

Well, guys, here’s living proof that there is a God in heaven and he does have a hand in things. And that he also does have a sick and twisted sense of humor for even allowing something like this show to happen to begin with, but he is forgiving and has bigger and better plans in store for all of us (just hopefully not those on Jersey Shore. Because I don’t like to think that the joke is on me, OK?).

U mad?

Here’s Deena Nicole Cortese Being Bailed Out of Jail by Her Parents, Whee!

photo of deena nicole cortese leaving jail pictures
Oh that crazy Deena Cortese. Always doing crazy, crazy things like drunkenly humping ceramic pigs and getting arrested, and drunkenly humping non-ceramic pigs (oh, no, my bad; the right word in this case would be ‘warthogs’), and generally being one fine, hot-ass mess in public. These photos are photos of her parents—her parents!—bailing her out of jail for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct or whatever the charge was. They all run together and there’re so many fine lines of demarcation that it doesn’t really matter anyway. It’s ‘Jersey Shore’, or, you know, ‘The Big Embarrassing Elephant in the Room When the Shore Generation is Old Enough to be in Nursing Homes’. The less specifics we have in this case, the better off everyone involved will be.

So, yeah. Deena Cortese and her parents, leaving the police station, where it looks like they might have kept her for the entire night. She’s wearing the same clothes she got arrested in, after all, and a hangover is apparently imminent, so that’s my guess.

The thing is, she’s kind of cute. I know, I know; I could seriously off myself for saying that, but I think it’s true. Normally I’d chalk something like this up to too much coffee and blurry lenses, but the thing is, I’ve actually said it before. Specifically, I said, “… Deena Nicole Cortese has potential … sort of.” And I meant it then, too. Save for the head part, Deena Cortese is a HOT-TAY.

And we’ll forgive her for ill publicity stemming from a drunk and disorderly this time. I guess it’s better than hearing all about her snap-on teeth, anyway. There’s still always that.

The Great Jersey Shore Rumble of 2012

A photo of the cast of Jersey Shore

Last night, the cast of Jersey Shore got into a major bar fight. Snooki wasn’t there, thank goodness, and Deena, Vinny, and Sam didn’t join in, but the rest of them? They threw down. They threw down hard.

From Us Weekly:

A source tells Us Weekly several members of the MTV cast — including Jenni “JWoww” Farley and her boyfriend Rodger Mathews, Pauly “Pauly D” Delvecchio, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino — were involved in a “massive” bar brawl Friday night at Seaside Heights hotspot Bamboo Bar.

“It started as a small fight, then turned into a massive brawl,” the insider shares. “Jenni’s boyfriend beat up a few guys, Pauly knocked some guy out, [and] Ronnie [and] Sitch were all there as well, fighting off guys. Jenni sprained her ankle. It was rough.”

Explains the source, “These drunk guys saw the cameras and started taunting the girls. Then, they started bothering Ronnie, Vinny, The Sitch, and Pauly.”

Though the boys tried to ignore the instigators, “They came back and got in their faces,” the insider reveals. “Rodger and Ryan [Labbe, from MTV's The Pauly D Project] stepped up and all hell broke loose.”

At that point, “It became a club-wide brawl . . . Ronnie, Sitch, Ryan, Rodger and Pauly were fighting five guys, and bouncers too . . . Jenni was fighting with the guys.”

As for Vinny Guadagnino? “He was [hanging] with the girls,” the source says. “He’s a lover, not a fighter.”

And just in case you need more proof, here’s a picture from today of JWoww on crutches:

A photo of Jenni "JWoww" Farley

I definitely believe that this story is true. I mean, the fight is obviously true, but I totally buy that it started because some douchebags saw the cameras and wanted a few minutes of fame. A similar thing happened when they were in Italy – they had to leave a bar because so many people were yelling at them and taunting them – and besides, the guys have already talked to a lawyer. They’re planning on suing the Jersey Shore guys, the bar, Viacom, and MTV. Apparently what happened in their version is that Ronnie punched a guy for absolutely no reason, then a bouncer put the guy in a headlock so Ronnie could punch him some more. Then I guess JWoww fell down some stairs or whatever. Yeah, sounds totally plausible.

It looks like this next season is going to be interesting after all, huh?

Ronnie from Jersey Shore Released A Single

Since it’s Friday night, I figured I’d take a moment to share with you a lovely song from Ronnie, the biggest gorilla in the Jersey Shore crew. Some of you might be preparing to do a little partying*, in which case you should definitely listen to the song. It’s charmingly titled “How The F%#k We Gettin’ Home?!” and it teaches the valuable lesson that sometimes you’re not able to drive and sometimes you need to ask someone nicely to take your keys away from you. That’s a good message, isn’t it? Maybe those crazy kids can contribute something to society after all!

*Speaking of partying, tomorrow is my birthday! I don’t expect any emails or anything (I don’t expect them, but they’d be nice [ahem]), but if you want to leave a comment here, that would be super sweet, and also great for my self esteem and general well-being. Meanwhile, I’m going to go watch Hunger Games** for the third time.

**Speaking of Hunger Games, here’s a cute story. The other morning, my boyfriend was still half asleep, or probably mostly asleep, and he mumbled something. I couldn’t understand him, so I asked him what he said. He lifted his head up just a little bit, and he said “I volunteer.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but he just kept repeating “I volunteer.” Finally I was just like “what do you even mean?” He said “I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!” And that is why I love him.

Oh No, People Are Vandalizing The Jersey Shore House!

A photo of the cast of Jersey Shore

From TMZ:

As if having 9 booze-filled, fight-prone tenants wasn’t punishment enough … TMZ has learned the beach pad featured on “Jersey Shore” is now being violated on the outside … by vandals.

The realtor for the infamous house in Seaside Heights tell us … hoards of people keep tagging the outside walls (above) with their names and random comments like, “We love you Snooki.”

We’re told the damage is so profuse … the realtor is forced to repaint  the guido-smush den on a WEEKLY basis.

Not only that … people are stealing roof shingles and constantly caught messing with the front door when the house is vacant.

In light of the problems … we’re told security has been beefed up and local cops are on the look-out for nefarious fans.

The good news … it’s only the realtor’s problem when the show is NOT in production … otherwise the clean-up nightmare is in the hands of “Shore” producers.

As if they don’t have enough to deal with.

TMZ even got a picture of the vandalized house:

I was going to do a whole “poor house” thing, but really, I’m surprised that it’s taken this long for this kind of story to come out. Isn’t that weird, how the fact that Snooki, The Situation, and the rest of those lovable scamps are insanely famous isn’t really part of the show? I would have expected creepers by the truckload after the first season. I would have thought that we’d see girls with self esteem problems coming by the house at all hours of the day and night and dudes coming on over to bro it up, but not so much, right? I know it’s alluded to sometimes, but I think it’d be interesting if we got to see that aspect of everything.

Like, can you imagine little Snooki trying to run off some teenage hoodlums with spray paint and bad attitudes? I would love that scene. Or some awkward, unaware 15-year-old hitting on J-Woww at the boardwalk? That would be such amazing television, wouldn’t it?

Sadly, I think this time around MTV will have their hands full, what with a pregnant Snooki and a sober The Situation. Maybe season seven, you guys!

MTV Supplies Budget Dentures to its Jersey Shore Cast, Thought You Knew

photo of deena nicole cortese new teeth pictures photos pics
Oh, now. How hot is Deena looking, guys? Hot, right? Between the injections, the diet pills, and the chemical peels, I thought she had this “alluring” thing on lockdown, but with these fancy new teeth? Man. If hotness could be gauged and charted, well. Deena Nicole Cortese would be off the charts. Thing is, though, Deena claims that she hasn’t had any plastic surgery. Nope, she chalks her brand-new look up to eyebrow sculpting and eyeshadow. All about the eyes, folks. From Deena’s Twitter:

just to let ya know, I have not got any plastic surgery..yes in the past i have had a nose job..and i am not against plastic surgery at all..i have thought about getting it redone to round the tip but haven’t yet..and don’t know if I am..I am not afraid to ADMIT i got plastic surgery so if I do.. I’ll let u know.. I thinned my eyebrows..and lost weight thanks to the [shill diet].. and learned how to do my makeup..lighter eye shadow brings out my eyes..and highlight under my eyes gives an effect of higher cheek bones.. the end. If I get the nose job I’ll let ya know =]

Also, she claims that she got Lumineers, not to be confused with veneers, through which your teeth need to be shaved. Shaved. No, Lumineers are snap-on teeth, and what better, longer-lasting thing to have than actual teeth?

SNAP-ON TEETH.