Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kate Gosselin

Well, this totally proves what a great mom Kate Gosselin is

ABC's "Celebrity Wife Swap" - Season One

Are we all excited for Kate Gosselin‘s upcoming TLC special, Kate Plus 8: Sextuplets Turn 10? No, me neither, but we’ll just have to pretend, at least for the duration of this article. You see, so much has happened since we last saw Kate and her brood of children. They’ve gotten bigger! Mady and Cara are bratty teenagers! Kate’s turned into a complete famewhore instead of just a kinda famewhore! Jon’412 is nowhere to be seen because he’s become a reclusive, gun-toting woodsman! It’s all happening!

The special doesn’t air until June 19, but TLC needs to drum up some kind of enthusiasm for this shit, so we’ve got a sneak preview of Kate with the kids, being a totally awesome mom. She’s a firm disciplinarian! She dictates fun! She… totally doesn’t do this every day, sorry. Considering how much time she spends on the Hollywood ho stroll (no shade – follow your dreams!), there’s no way she’s disciplining these kids (or even spending that much time with them) on a daily basis. Nice for the camera, though.

What a nightmare. If she actually did parent like this, I’d be into it, but this is very clearly all for show, unfortunately.

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Kate Gosselin’s kids are stoked about being back on TV

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Kate Gosselin‘s Kate Plus 8 show tanked after her marriage to Jon fell apart and the twins Maddie and Cara got too old for their bratty ass attitudes to be cute anymore, and so we all said goodbye to the family and hoped the kids would grow up with some sense of normalcy.

That was not to be, of course, since Kate became obsessed with turning herself into a walking Barbie and trying to exploit every chance for fame she could get, and Jon went off the rails and became a gun-toting woodsman. It’s all very sad, but here’s what’s sadder: Kate is bringing the kids back to TV.

TLC has commissioned a one hour Kate Plus 8 special to air in June, which will apparently catch us all up on what the family has been doing since the last show got canceled. Maddie and Cara said during that extremely awkward interview in which they embarrassed Kate horribly that they do miss being on TV (of course they do – they’re kids!), so apparently they’re thrilled with the news… and so are the rest of the tribe, says Kate. Jon, of course, is not so thrilled.

“They cheered like crazy. It was like I announced that it’s Christmas tomorrow,” Kate, 38, tells Us. “Our crew walked in and it was like they had never left.”

Dad Jon Gosselin, however, is not cheering. “He thinks it is a really bad idea for his kids,” a source tells Us. “Jon feels he has his kids’ best interest at heart.”

Well, OF COURSE it’s a bad idea for his kids. As if they’re not damaged enough from growing up on TV and being the children of two INSANE PEOPLE. I mean, come on!

However, this shit is happening whether we like it or not, so how about no one watches and that’ll ensure that TLC never wastes broadcast money on them again?

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Jon Gosselin: ‘Kate Gosselin Is Disgusting and Awful’

jon gosselin

Jon and Kate Gosselin always had a bit of a weird marriage that was destined to explode, so no one was all that surprised when it did and they got divorced. The years following their split have been weird. Kate grew out her Sonic the Hedgehog haircut, got a ton of plastic surgery and tried to keep the fame machine going, which has ultimately failed. Meanwhile, Jon took on menial jobs like plumbing and… shooting guns at paparazzi.

Well, now Jon has spoken out against Kate, basically saying she’s awful for continuing to exploit their kids and spreading the family’s personal business on the likes of Twitter. Jon was never into all the weird fame-y stuff, but for Kate, it was all very exciting so it kinda makes sense that she’d be clinging to any amount of notoriety for dear life.

Here’s what Jon said about it in Philadelphia magazine:

We finish eating and head outside so Jon can have a smoke. We’re discussing the shooting-your-pistol-in-the-general-vicinity-of-a-tabloid-photographer incident when the issue of privacy comes up. “Yeah, Twitter,” he says in between drags. “I deleted it last year. Best thing I ever did. I can disappear. Nobody knows where I am.” @Kateplusmy8, meanwhile, is going strong at 174,000 followers. This enrages Jon. “She tweets everything. To the world, all about my children. I think it’s disgusting and awful. They can’t even have a normal life.”

I feel compelled to remind him he volunteered those same children for a five-season stint on prime-time television; Collin, Aaden, Joel, Hannah, Alexis, Leah, Mady and Cara’s formative moments are currently stacked in a pile of DVDs on my coffee table. He thinks this over for a few seconds. “Right. So I made a mistake.”

Ha. Yeah, you did, man. But even on the show, you could always tell it was Kate who was running things and that Jon kinda went along with it like a derpy derp derp until he got his shit together. I don’t know the reason why he walked out, but maybe because it was bullshit? Maybe because he realised it wasn’t going to be all that great for the kids in the long run? (Don’t forget, he recently claimed that the lifestyle forced upon them has given pretty much all the kids developmental issues!)

Either way, Jon has kinda gone off the deep end, living in the woods and shooting things all the time. They’re both not all that great, and I feel bad for the kids, to be honest.

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Kate Gosselin Filing Lawsuit Against Ex John Basically Accusing Him Of Being A Supervillian

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Kate Gosselin isn’t the most beloved reality celeb, but her ex husband, Jon, might be even more hated. It was the post-divorce head-to-toe Ed Hardy wardrobe that gave him that special “ugh” edge. And no one hates him more than Kate. She’s suing him for millions. It sounds like she’s basically accusing him of being a supervillian. From Radar:

The one-time face of television network TLC launched her legal action in the United States District Court of Pennsylvania on Monday, alleging Jon conspired with Robert Hoffman, author of Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World, to illegally tap and access her bank accounts and computer without her authorization.

“After the couple was separated, Jon illegally hacked into Kate’s email account and her phone and bank accounts,” the suit alleges.

“Jon also stole a hard drive from Kate’s house, which contained private and confidential material. Jon the gave them the contents of Kate’s email account and the hard drive, all of which were acquired illegality, to his friend and business partner, tabloid reporter Robert Hoffman.

“Hoffman used the illegally acquired data to publish a defamatory book about Kate … the book was removed from large distributors like because the information was obtained illegally.

[...] Kate, 38, said Hoffman, at one point, even ”bragged” that he was in possession of 5000 family photos, personal documents, tax and business records, plus contracts. [...]

Hoffman used the information obtained from Kate’s computer largely verbatim in his scathing e-book, which contained third-party contracts, emails and what was billed as Kate’s private journal.

Specifically, this Hoffman guy is the biggest issue, but Jon’s not innocent. Really, they sound like dicks:

“I’ll be back soon grabbing Kate’s computer before she gets home. I need that hard drive,” read a text, dated October 14, 2009 from a number anti-bullying activist James McGibney said he confirmed belonged to Jon.

Fame does CRAZY SHIT TO PEOPLE. Divorce can do that too.

I don’t think Jon Gosselin is smart enough to do all of this on his own. I think Kate Gosselin is also an awful person. But few people deserve this invasion of privacy. Kate is not one of them.

Kate Gosselin: I’m not Racist, I married an Asian

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Kate Gosselin is getting a mild dose of the Paula Deen effect. Someone posted this private photo of her in a plastic sumo wrestler-style wig, pulling the corners of her eyes back.

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It made a lot of people uncomfortable, so Kate came forward and released a statement. Here it is, from E Online:

It was a happy time for me and Jon, smiling and ‘goofing off’ together. Jon and I were opening fan mail together one afternoon—which often filled the garage of our Elizabethtown home—and when we opened this plastic Asian dress up wig sent from a caring fan, we smiled, each taking turns posing in it and snapping photos (on my phone) of each other. Naturally, I ‘slanted’ my eyes to show him my best Asian impression, which made him smile. At that time, a common topic of our show was ‘everybody’s Asian’— except for mommy, so a thoughtful fan figured she’d help me look Asian too! It’s normal to talk about and even ‘exaggerate’ the feature differences between family members of a biracial family as they are noticed by curious growing children within the family. These types of discoveries and at home discussions are a normal part of being a loving accepting biracial family and it does not make any of us prejudice! I married an Asian. I have eight biracial children therefore I’m quite certain that I’m the last person that could be called a racist.

Ms. Gosselin also wants to stress that the photo was taken from her “home computer” and this whole thing “opportunistically turned into something that it never was intended to be.” And any second now, she’s going to say she’s being bullied again.

Miley did it first.

Poor Kate Gosselin Is the Victim of Adult Bullying

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Poor, unfortunate soul Kate Gosselin. It seems that all the hair extensions, Botox and Lumineer-fitting in the world can’t shield you from the cruel world outside, because the reality star turned whatever the hell she is now has been bullied relentlessly by the big bad Internet. Let’s all give her a collective “awww!” and tell her it’ll be okay.

From Bullyville:

I’ve been bullied. A lot. Sadly, I’m not unlike many people in today’s society. When people think of ‘bullies’, they likely think of the dark days back in middle school. Many of us faced difficult times during those years that began with puberty. Most of my memories are confusing emotional struggles to figure out who I was and where I fit in. I was definitely bullied back then and the cruel comments and mean displays are memories that have left deep scars that remain with me til this day. Bullying made me feel insecure, alone, ugly, powerless, and hopeless at times. Being bullied was the most difficult part of my early teen years. But the bullying didn’t stop there for me and with a quick sweep of the internet, it’s clear that this epidemic is alive and well like a disease with no cure! It’s a horrible disease that haunts me and many many many others in our world!

When my life became very public in 2006 with the airing of our show ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ on TLC, I was honestly surprised that ‘adult bullying’ via the Internet existed. I am a positive person by nature and the fact that people, many of them, flocked to the Internet to make ugly hurtful and untrue comments about myself and my family truly shocked me! And it didn’t stop with comments from people who had never met us! The tabloids printed lie after lie after lie in order to benefit financially, which in my opinion is a form of ‘legal’ bullying, people flooded companies that I worked for to spread their venom about me, sometimes spending days on end at their computers in a hope to ensure their bullying goal had been achieved and desperately wishing that the targeted company would ‘drop’ me. Publishers were hounded, businesses who had hired me to speak or appear were badgered with constant hate and the list goes on and on. Fortunately, because most companies are accustomed to dealing with this sort of negative nonsense, they stood by me as a rule and we successfully saw our endeavors come to fruition! I am so grateful to the many corporations, family and friends who have chosen to see me for who I really am and know the truth and goodness that defines me.

Kate says that she deals with the haters by ignoring them, mostly, and walking around thinking that everyone is jealous of her and since she can’t help being so wonderful, she’ll just have to take pity on those less fortunate and “wish for them a better and happier life”. Oh, f-ck off, Kate Gosselin. You’re a piss poor mother who’s more concerned with making money off your fertility mishaps than raising them to have the “better and happier life” you use as a sound bite in the press.

I’m not downplaying the effect of bullying, though I’d argue that by the time you’re a well-adjusted adult (which I realise doesn’t apply here since Kate Gosselin is clearly way off her rocker), it doesn’t take thousands of dollars of therapy and a light of epiphany from the heavens to realize that ignoring people who talk shit on the Internet is the way to go. Obviously that’s a bit meta to say, and I think being online creates some great opportunities for social and business networking, but I’m not going to lose sleep because KateSucks69 said my weave was crooked on some red carpet. But damn, that hedgehog skin she used to call a hairstyle was a mess. Maybe I just need a happier life.

Kate Gosselin Is Still A Great Mom

A photo of Kate Gosselin

Sarcasm is so, so great you guys. I love it so dearly. See, I said that Kate Gosselin is still a great mom, but if you know anything about Kate Gosselin, you know that she’s shown some signs of being kind of a shitty mom sometimes. So what I actually meant was that Kate Gosselin has done something else to show that she is not a great mom, but I used sarcasm in the headline, just ’cause. Isn’t that great?

Ok, but listen: Kate Gosselin left her kids with Kendra Wilkinson, some teenage girl, and some camera crew this one time. And no, I don’t get it either.

Kate Gosselin has once again proven she’s not exactly the mother of the year, according to author Robert Hoffman, who famously wrote a controversial ‘anti-Kate’ e-book, Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World, only to have it pulled off Amazon two days later after a legal challenge from two powerful law firms.

In a blistering new blog posted Wednesday, Hoffman, a reporter who’s also a pal of Kate’s ex Jon Gosselin, claims sources told him that the former reality TV star turned Dancing with the Stars contestant “left her eight children alone with Kendra Wilkinson, who formed a company to market her own sex tape, as well as a strange camera crew and a college-age babysitter (Ashley), for a week while she went off with her own personal babysitter to film an episode of a new reality show tentatively called ‘Mom Swap.’”

Hoffman goes on to charge that “the Gosselin children were scared and very confused, having no idea who their new mom-for-a-week was, or why they were left alone with her to be filmed by strangers.”

Hoffman maintains that the kids were only told that the former Playboy hottie was on Dancing with the Stars, like their mom. He also claims the kids “were instructed not to speak a word about it to anyone at school or anywhere else.”

The author ends his blog by saying, “I’m not sure how much more psychological damage Kate can do to these poor children, but she sure looks like she’s willing to sink to new depths to get her face back on television.”

Yeah, this guy obviously hates Kate, but this is such a Kate thing to do, isn’t it? Of course she would leave her kids with a bunch of strangers so she could film a reality show. I’m not even questioning this story. Of course she did this. Kate Gosselin would drop her kids off at a witch’s house in the forest if it meant she’d be free to try and get famous again.