Really, that’s what Kate Gosselin said. She said that her kids miss having their lives documented and being followed around by cameras and having to dodge paparazzi on the way to the playground, so hopefully they can get another project going. For the kids, you know. It’s all for the kids.

From E! Online:

Kate Gosselin and her eight are doing great.

“We’re doing awesome,” the former reality TV star turned coupon blogger told Ann Curry during an appearance on NBC’s Today show this morning. “The kids are doing great in school. Everyone is excelling at school, across the board. It’s amazing.”

So, what about the possibility of actually seeing all that reading, writing and ‘rithmetic in action? Could Kate and her little ones eventually make it back into our living rooms?

“They really, honestly miss filming,” Kate shared. “They recently have been saying, ‘When are we going to go here or there?’ They miss the crew. So, with our TLC contract now over, we’re hoping to move forward and do more fun projects.”

And while it’s probably safe to say ex-husband Jon Gosselin won’t be a part of whatever “projects” might develop, Kate did admit that her relationship with the father of her children is on pretty solid ground right now.

“I can honestly say it’s more peaceful than it’s ever been,” she said. “He’s been really positive and more available and it’s just less stressful. I feel like he’s working with me, and the kids notice it—and that’s good because I’ve always wanted peace for them.”

Man, can’t you just tell how “whatever” Kate is about the whole fame thing? She’s like “yeah, I’m not really interested in another reality show, but the kids just love it!” Totally. All those eight-year-olds are just clamoring for the spotlight. They always perk right up when a camera comes around these days, don’t they? Yep, it’s definitely the kids. Not Kate at all.

And no, I’m not talking about just a cruise that Kate Gosselin was planning to go on. I’m talking about the cruise that Kate Gosselin was going to host. I have no idea why I didn’t tell you about this when the news originally broke, because I’m sure many of you would have jumped at the chance to go on a nice vacation with the beloved Kate Gosselin, but here was the gist of it:

“Set Sail with Kate” blasts the new website promoting the trip, which will take place August 12 -19 on Royal Caribbean’s Allure of the Seas.

For the pleasure of cruising with the mom of eight, passengers will shell out between $1,900 and $3,175 per person, double occupancy. They’ll get to meet Kate at a “welcome cocktail party,” attend a Q & A session with her, have a photo op, and even “learn a new craft from the professional herself.”

The trip starts and ends in Ft. Lauderdale, with stops in Jamaica, Cozumel and Haiti. Haiti?  Yes, the poorest nation in the Western world has a cruise ship port-of-call in the city of Labadee. Oh, and August is hurricane season in the Caribbean.

Sounds great, right? Aren’t you all totally bummed that I didn’t tell you about this sooner? Wouldn’t you have dropped three thousand dollars in a heartbeat to attend a cocktail party and do crafts with Kate Gosselin? Can’t you just imagine how perfect it would have been to wander around Jamaica with this remarkable woman? She probably would have slathered your back with sunscreen, and I bet she’d even let you borrow her nose plugs when you forgot yours. Yes, it would have been paradise.

But, like I said, the cruise is cancelled because for some unfathomable reason, no one wanted to go:

Kate Gosselin’s event on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship has been canceled because of poor turnout and low ticket sales,RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned.

The mother of eight was supposed to set sailfrom August 12 to August 19 at a rate of $1,900-$3,175 per ticket, but it’s no longer happening and all cruise-goers have been fully refunded.

“Yes, that event has been canceled. We just didn’t get the turnout that we desired and mutually we agreed that if we didn’t get it, we would cancel,” President of Luxury Cruises, who merged with the company originally organizing the event, Alice Travel, exclusively told RadarOnline.com.

“All ticket purchasers have been notified and everyone has been refunded. Some have chosen to continue on with the cruise, but everyone was given the choice.”

But don’t be so quick to point the finger at the Kate Plus 8 star, as we’re told she felt horrible about canceling the cruise and reached out to everyone who bought tickets!

“Kate asked for everybody’s names, addresses and phone numbers and reached out to each one personally,” the spokeswoman said.

“It was nothing to do with her. We needed to hit certain numbers and they just weren’t where they needed to be.”

It was not revealed how many tickets were actually purchased.

Oh, what I wouldn’t give to hear how many tickets were sold. I really want to say it’s between two and fifteen, even though I think fifteen is a really high number. But really, would there be even one person willing to go on this adventure?

Did you hear? These two asshats were going at one another through Twitter like crazy yesterday, and there are a couple screen shots to prove it:

That was Kate’s doing right there, when one of her followers accused her of being unprofessional because Kate’s an asshole and has a really hard time keeping her mouth shut about her ex-husband, Jon Gosselin. And, you know, has a hard time keeping her mouth shut about anything, really. So naturally, when Kate heard that people were tripping over her backhanded jibes about how Jon’s always been an unfit parent, Jon fired back and had this to say:

It gets even better! When Jon was asked by one of his followers if he missed Kate and their doomed relationship at all, he said, “hahahahaha, best joke of the night, r u kidding me, really?”

Good to see that some things (except for faces and bodies) never change, no matter how old, how famous, or how “drama-free” you claim to be. Way to go, guys. Especially you, Kate. I know Jon’s supposed to be this, like, big-time loser who has a – gasp! – normal job and lays low and that makes him some kind of pathetic commoner in your eyes, but come on. How long are you going to keep thinking that people are taking you seriously and that’s why you are where you are? You’re a freak show, lady. Woman up and get out of it, alright? Damn.

Oh dear. It begins. Kate Gosselin starts her media blitz in 2012, complete with my favorite sanctimonious-typeGwyneth Paltrow-like advice with her latest blog post, “My 11 Reflections on 2011.”

1. I learned that determination gives way to conquering any obstacle in my way. I think I knew this before, but I really proved it to myself in 2011 when I trained for and ran my first marathon! [Ed. Note: Because the thing the world really needs right now is an unstoppable Kate Gosselin who's out for MORE blood.]

2. I learned that team work in a large family is the most beautiful thing to watch :) and to be a part of! [Ed. Note: As long as she's the one heading up that team and enforcing law and order like a f-cking bizarre-ass Jerry Orbach, that is.]

3. I learned who my true friends are and was able to open up and meet new ones too! Trust is a really big issue for me. It always has been! This past year I took some good risks! [Ed. Note: If she's still talking about her bodyguard-boyfriend, I hardly think that can be constituted as "friends." I mean, to have "friends" there must be more than one, and if you're paying someone to watch your ass and wax your ass, then it sort of transcends the "friend" role, does it not?]

4. I realized that life is short and extended family is important. Different views, lack of trust and family drama has stopped me from connecting in the past, but late in the year, I was able to make teeny steps towards family reunion. [Ed. Note: I'm not quite sure who Kate means by "extended family," because she's alienated everyone in her immediate, nuclear family, and I can't imagine in-laws or cousins really having the burning desire to engage in this shitshow. Good luck reconnecting, girl!]

5. I learned that love truly ….

(more…)

And by asking “or what,” I definitely mean “or plastic surgery,” because as far as I’m aware, no one ages in reverse – especially snaggly bitches who belittle their kids and husband in public for monetary gain.

Namely, the plastic surgery has a lot to do with facial fillers. Maybe something with her jaw. And definitely something with the bridge of her nose. I mean, what is that? Whatever she did to the skin/bone in that area positively makes her appear to be of Asian descent or something. Her eyes look so far apart now. All I know is that *something* is majorly different with Kate-girl‘s face, and I’m not going to be able to sleep ’til I figure out what it is. Now if they could only come up with some kind of personality surgery, Kate might be a tolerable person, you feel me?

Before and after image courtesy of Cele|bitchy

Why, so she can get those babies good at entertainin’ for to move them out to Hollywood, o’ course! Yippee!

Yeah, but remember when Kate Gosselin said that she wanted to stay in show biz for a while? When she made the actual statement, she suggested that someone give her a talk show. It looks like that didn’t happen as planned though, because word on the street is that Kate’s all set on pimping her kids out for money and fame. Or, you know, pimping her kids out for money and fame again.

From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Money-hungry mom Kate Gosselin plans to enroll her eight kids in singing and acting classes, and then, after they sharpen their talents, move to Los Angeles, the Enquirer has learned.

“Kate’s ultimate goal is to get her kids into the entertainment business and manage their careers,” an insider told The Enquirer. “She’s looking into acting, singing and dancing classes near the family’s home in Pennsylvania. She wants to get the kids started in commercials by next year…”

Kate believes that she can be the mother of all stage moms, making big bucks by managing the kids’ careers, although she has yet to convince her ex-hubby, said the source.

“Jon’s been very outspoken about wanting to keep the children off TV,” the insider said.

“But Kate has slowly been talking him into it by promising to keep the spotlight off the kids’ personal lives. If she gets her way, the whole family will be hollywood bound by next year!”

Now that all of us plus Anderson Cooper plus her own kids hate Kate, do you think we can make some sort of citizen’s arrest? We have some extra lumber at my house from building the porch, I’m sure we can figure out how to make some stocks. That way we can lock Kate up in the town square and throw produce at her until she learns.

Does anybody have any other ideas?