41Poor Kate Gosselin Is the Victim of Adult Bullying

Poor, unfortunate soul Kate Gosselin. It seems that all the hair extensions, Botox and Lumineer-fitting in the world can’t shield you from the cruel world outside, because the reality star turned whatever the hell she is now has been bullied relentlessly by the big bad Internet. Let’s all give her a collective “awww!” and tell her it’ll be okay.

From Bullyville:

I’ve been bullied. A lot. Sadly, I’m not unlike many people in today’s society. When people think of ‘bullies’, they likely think of the dark days back in middle school. Many of us faced difficult times during those years that began with puberty. Most of my memories are confusing emotional struggles to figure out who I was and where I fit in. I was definitely bullied back then and the cruel comments and mean displays are memories that have left deep scars that remain with me til this day. Bullying made me feel insecure, alone, ugly, powerless, and hopeless at times. Being bullied was the most difficult part of my early teen years. But the bullying didn’t stop there for me and with a quick sweep of the internet, it’s clear that this epidemic is alive and well like a disease with no cure! It’s a horrible disease that haunts me and many many many others in our world!

When my life became very public in 2006 with the airing of our show ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ on TLC, I was honestly surprised that ‘adult bullying’ via the Internet existed. I am a positive person by nature and the fact that people, many of them, flocked to the Internet to make ugly hurtful and untrue comments about myself and my family truly shocked me! And it didn’t stop with comments from people who had never met us! The tabloids printed lie after lie after lie in order to benefit financially, which in my opinion is a form of ‘legal’ bullying, people flooded companies that I worked for to spread their venom about me, sometimes spending days on end at their computers in a hope to ensure their bullying goal had been achieved and desperately wishing that the targeted company would ‘drop’ me. Publishers were hounded, businesses who had hired me to speak or appear were badgered with constant hate and the list goes on and on. Fortunately, because most companies are accustomed to dealing with this sort of negative nonsense, they stood by me as a rule and we successfully saw our endeavors come to fruition! I am so grateful to the many corporations, family and friends who have chosen to see me for who I really am and know the truth and goodness that defines me.

Kate says that she deals with the haters by ignoring them, mostly, and walking around thinking that everyone is jealous of her and since she can’t help being so wonderful, she’ll just have to take pity on those less fortunate and “wish for them a better and happier life”. Oh, f-ck off, Kate Gosselin. You’re a piss poor mother who’s more concerned with making money off your fertility mishaps than raising them to have the “better and happier life” you use as a sound bite in the press.

I’m not downplaying the effect of bullying, though I’d argue that by the time you’re a well-adjusted adult (which I realise doesn’t apply here since Kate Gosselin is clearly way off her rocker), it doesn’t take thousands of dollars of therapy and a light of epiphany from the heavens to realize that ignoring people who talk shit on the Internet is the way to go. Obviously that’s a bit meta to say, and I think being online creates some great opportunities for social and business networking, but I’m not going to lose sleep because KateSucks69 said my weave was crooked on some red carpet. But damn, that hedgehog skin she used to call a hairstyle was a mess. Maybe I just need a happier life.

February 10, 2013 at 10:00 am by Jennifer

2Kate Gosselin Is Still A Great Mom

Sarcasm is so, so great you guys. I love it so dearly. See, I said that Kate Gosselin is still a great mom, but if you know anything about Kate Gosselin, you know that she’s shown some signs of being kind of a shitty mom sometimes. So what I actually meant was that Kate Gosselin has done something else to show that she is not a great mom, but I used sarcasm in the headline, just ’cause. Isn’t that great?

Ok, but listen: Kate Gosselin left her kids with Kendra Wilkinson, some teenage girl, and some camera crew this one time. And no, I don’t get it either.

Kate Gosselin has once again proven she’s not exactly the mother of the year, according to author Robert Hoffman, who famously wrote a controversial ‘anti-Kate’ e-book, Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World, only to have it pulled off Amazon two days later after a legal challenge from two powerful law firms.

In a blistering new blog posted Wednesday, Hoffman, a reporter who’s also a pal of Kate’s ex Jon Gosselin, claims sources told him that the former reality TV star turned Dancing with the Stars contestant “left her eight children alone with Kendra Wilkinson, who formed a company to market her own sex tape, as well as a strange camera crew and a college-age babysitter (Ashley), for a week while she went off with her own personal babysitter to film an episode of a new reality show tentatively called ‘Mom Swap.’”

Hoffman goes on to charge that “the Gosselin children were scared and very confused, having no idea who their new mom-for-a-week was, or why they were left alone with her to be filmed by strangers.”

Hoffman maintains that the kids were only told that the former Playboy hottie was on Dancing with the Stars, like their mom. He also claims the kids “were instructed not to speak a word about it to anyone at school or anywhere else.”

The author ends his blog by saying, “I’m not sure how much more psychological damage Kate can do to these poor children, but she sure looks like she’s willing to sink to new depths to get her face back on television.”

Yeah, this guy obviously hates Kate, but this is such a Kate thing to do, isn’t it? Of course she would leave her kids with a bunch of strangers so she could film a reality show. I’m not even questioning this story. Of course she did this. Kate Gosselin would drop her kids off at a witch’s house in the forest if it meant she’d be free to try and get famous again.

November 9, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Emily

11Kate Gosselin Wants to Protect Her Kids from the Big, Bad Wolf

Hey, so we have this weird LeAnn Rimes-Brandi Glanville passive-aggressive thing going on between Kate Gosselin and Jon Gosselin’s new girlfriend! And if that’s not enough ridiculousness for you, this ridiculousness is all over Jon’s new girlfriend allowing Jon and Kate’s kids around their pitbull dog. … Yeah, I know.

From Radar Online:

Jon Gosselin’s girlfriend caused a wave of fury when she posted photos of he and Kate Gosselin’s children nuzzling with a pit bull dog, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned.

“The most pure and genuine kind of love & affection,” Liz Jannetta tweeted last weekend, showing one of Jon’s daughters hugging a pit bull.

The photo immediately sparked outrage among some of her followers because of the dog’s stereotype of being aggressive and unsafe around children, so Liz followed up by saying, “My kids r around pitbulls every day.. Frm Dobies, to German Shepherds to Rottweiler, now Pits- the desire 2 blame wil nvr fade.”

Liz then posted another photo of one of Jon’s sons with the pit bull and wrote, “Photography enables such devotion and feeling… <3 these two."

One follower shot back at Liz implying that Kate would be upset if she saw the photos.

"Sure u want 2 be stiring things up Liz..or u wouldn't be tweeting another woman's kids with pit bulls..Yes did U have permission?" they wrote.

"permission from.... Twitter?? Yes, "another woman's kids" also the children of my boyfriend. Kindly... Keep comments to urself plz," Liz shot back.

Oh man. This bitch just gets richer and richer, seriously. You know, I know that there are dogs out there that have a bad rap because they’re easily trained to be attack dogs, or police dogs, or guard dogs or whatever, but it’s all in the way that you train the dog, and I don’t give a rat’s ass what Kate Gosselin has to say about it. You train a pit bull to eat a kid’s face, it’s going to eat a kid’s face. If you train a pit bull to piss on intruders, it’s going to piss on intruders. But I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that a dog’s unique breed makes it inherently evil.

Also, Kate Gosselin is an idiot and I’d rather my child be raised by a pack of wolves than by Kate Gosselin. Because that child would probably be safer.

November 5, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah

2Some People Want Kate Gosselin to Do Porn

Yeah, I don’t know. It’s not exactly porn, nobody wants to see Kate Gosselin having sex or anything. It would just be Kate hanging out naked, doing stuff. Which is better, I guess? Maybe?

Vivid Entertainment, those people who want every celebrity ever to do porn, are starting a television channel, very creatively called VividTV. They want Kate to be something called a “Naked Host,” which would apparently entail presenting the programming. That sounds kind of vague, right? And Kate wouldn’t even have to be naked all the time, because sometimes she’d have the pleasure of wearing “wonderful erotic outfits.” Again, a little too vague for my tastes. If there’s a chance that Kate Gosselin is going to be naked on television, I need to know exactly what I’m going to have to show you guys.

Oh, and this is cute: the people from Vivid closed their letter to Kate by saying “We have binders of women who would love the job, but you’re definitely our first choice.” Isn’t that just too funny? Besides the appropriately placed “binders of women” reference, it just tickles me that Kate Gosselin is this huge porn company’s “first choice” for anything. Do lots of people think Kate is super hot? Have I missed something? Because I’ve just heard about her being a huge bitch.

October 22, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily

9Don’t Freak Out, But Kate Gosselin Is Aging Backwards

Weird, right? I didn’t even know that was a real thing, aging backwards, but according to Kate Gosselin herself, who is as honest and respectable as they come, that’s what’s happening.

Here’s how Kate explained her condition:

“I am probably one of the rare few who de-age.”

I know, it’s really vague, and she didn’t say anything else about it, but this is big news, right? Do you think she’s going to pull a Benjamin Button on us? Do you think she’s going to make a statement about this new announcement anytime soon?

Oh, I should probably mention that this little quote was the response she gave when asked if she’d gotten a facelift.

To further document Kate’s condition, I think it would be helpful to have a few visual aids, don’t you? So here’s a photo of Kate from a few months ago:

And here’s a photo from a few years ago:

And here’s a photo from eight years ago, when she was pregnant:

Not taking into account the very understandable differences in weight, it seems like she looked her oldest in the middle photo. In the most recent photo, she looks about as young as she looked eight years ago, but it’s seems a little … off. I’m trying to find the right wording here, let’s see … she looks young now, but perhaps a little stretched, maybe? Like perhaps someone somehow sliced into her face and pulled all her skin back to get rid of those few wrinkles? What a strange and mysterious condition, this de-aging!

October 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Emily

0Kate Gosselin Got Fired, Her Boss Wrote A Blog About It

You remember when Kate Gosselin got that job blogging for a coupon site? If not, let me just inform you that about a year ago, Kate Gosselin got a job blogging for a coupon site. I never looked at it, but I’ve been reading a few comments on the site, and apparently all Kate ever did was talk about how awesome she is and also never talk about coupons. That sounds about right, doesn’t it?

So Kate got fired. It sounds like a reasonable decision, but you know what’s funny about it? What’s funny is that she was so bad that the founder of the site had to write a whole letter to the readers about it. It’s a very nice letter, but the gist of it is that all the people who work for Coupon Cabin are wonderful, except that Kate Gosselin is not.

Here, I’ll just show it to you:

To all our Kate blog readers:

Some nine-plus years ago, I started CouponCabin with the thought of creating a single website that had all the best coupons… no gimmicks, no fluff, just a site that was easy to use and that had great deals. Along the way, we’ve helped our users collectively save hundreds of millions of dollars.

A series of recent events have made it clear to me that Kate Gosselin and her contributions do not align with the authenticity which we set out to build almost a decade ago, and that Ms. Gosselin is simply not a good fit with the wonderful team and culture at CouponCabin.

It’s with this that I am writing to inform you of our decision to discontinue Ms. Gosselin’s feature blog on CouponCabin.com. Ms. Gosselin’s contributions garnered both positive attention and criticism, but as always, I respect and appreciate your candid opinions, which often encourage us not to lose sight of our mission — to help YOU save money.

We wish Kate, her family and her support staff all the best.

Scott Kluth
Founder and CEO of CouponCabin.com

I looked through Kate’s blog for a minute, and yeah, she just talks about herself and “having 8 kids,” “having many children,” “being a mother of a large family,” “I have 8 kids and isn’t that so incredible and please give me another television program,”* and it does get old. I just think it’s so hilarious though that this guy essentially called Kate Gosselin inauthentic, not wonderful, and uncultured. Am I alone in this? I am still laughing.

All is not lost though! Here’s a recent tweet from Kate:

I’m alive!I’ve been super busy working away! I’m having lots of fun and can’t wait to share!No worries..we will chat soon! XO

Oh, honey. We know you don’t have a show. Please stop.

*Not direct quotes.

October 17, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily