Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlie Sheen

Another Goddess for Charlie Sheen?

And you know, seriously, this woman beats the hell out of all of Charlie’s other ‘goddesses.’ She’s got more class, more fashion sense, and apparently more taste, as she wouldn’t open her lips to the nicotine-laden tongue that still hasn’t yet rotted out of Charlie’s mouth.

An elderly woman was brought up on stage at one of Charlie‘s recent tour stops, where the audience – childishly – began chanting ‘Kiss her! Kiss her!’ It took Charlie an uncomfortable moment to make a move, and probably made the poor woman feel ridiculous in the process, but finally planted a quick one on her at the audience’s request.

Don’t worry, Charlie – Mila Kunis felt the same way when she heard you wanted her for one of your trashy goddesses. Gross.

Why You Should Really Respect Denise Richards

Yeah, look, no one’s more shocked than me that I just wrote that headline, but you guys: Denise Richards has proven herself to be one hell of a classy lady throughout all of this Charlie Sheen drama.

Denise was on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last night after the Real Housewives of New York (the only reason I was around to watch it,) and of course Andy Cohen asked her about some of the stuff that’s going on with her ex-husband and the father of her two daughters, Charlie Sheen. She didn’t say one bad word about the guy and actually seemed to be genuinely sad about the tragic turn his life has taken in recent months. And she showed some support to Charlie’s newest ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, saying that she gives her a lot of credit for taking control of her addiction and checking herself into treatment.

Denise also mentioned that, while she herself had met Charlie’s Goddesses, her daughters had not. Sounds like she went over and screened them before she brought her kids over, which is exactly what a good mother would do. Plus, she offered to take in Brooke and Charlie’s twin baby boys while their two of them are off doing other things. Totally unnecessary, but the caring and open-hearted thing to do.

I’ve spent plenty of time being annoyed by Denise over trivial, tabloid-y issues throughout the years, but that was pretty quickly washed away after seeing how she’s reacted in the face of true problems.

You’ll Die When You Hear What Charlie Sheen’s Getting Paid to Party

A photo of Charlie Sheen

Anyone who was freaking out after hearing that Snookie got paid $32,000 for a recent speaking engagement will regret wasting their energy on that mess once they hear how much that asshole Charlie Sheen‘s appearance fee is.

According to E! Online, the former Two and a Half Men star and current butt of every joke is charging $200,000 just to show up and party these days. Oh, and he also demands that you fly him to your party in a private jet and put him up in a hotel suite.

That’s far from the highest amount we’ve seen a celebrity get paid for an appearance, but considering that Sheen is unreliable, a seriously shady character and someone that no one seemed to care about like, two months ago, that’s insane. Then again, so is he.

Caption This – The Contests Begin Today!

photo of topless charlie sheen on tour pictures photos naked

Alright, guys!

Today is the official beginning of the Evil Beet Caption This Contests. You’ve all done awesome things in the practice runs, and we’re looking forward to sending you some free crap if you score well on these, going forward.

Rules: For consideration, your caption must appear in the comments section by Sunday, April 9th at 11:59 PM ET. You can enter as many times as you like, but be warned: if your first caption sucks, your second, third, and fourth probably will, too. The week’s winner will be announced on Tuesday, April 12th, along with the next round of ‘Caption This’ glory. The same rules will apply for the subsequent weeks thereafter. When commenting/entering, be sure to use your real email address in the email field, so that I can contact you directly to get your mailing address in order to send your prize. Only one winner per week will receive a prize.

Last week’s winner on the Kate Gosselin photo:

Winner: D. Ugh
“Hey, I found a place to carry my career.”

1st Runner-Up: LegalEase
“Parenting skills, check…marriage, check…dignity, check…self respect, check…what the hell am I forgetting? Oh yea, where the f*ck are those kids???!!”

2nd Runner-Up: ZAMIRA
“Sure hope the garbage men don’t notice eight kids mixed in with the garbage…”

Alright, so let ‘er rip on the Charlie Sheen picture! And good luck!

This Might Legitimately Be One of the Funniest Things I’ve Ever Seen Charlie Sheen Do

Wow. Well this was definitely one of the most ridiculous, and amusing, and ridiculous, things I’ve ever seen.

I haven’t really jumped on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon, for fear of encouraging someone with apparent mental illness and personal problems, but damn. If Charlie keeps up like this, he MIGHT just have yet another Twitter follower. This kind of shit is right up my alley.

‘POOF, you’re a gadfly!’

Miley Cyrus is Back on Twitter, Is One of Those A-Holes Who Still Thinks Charlie Sheen is Cool

Look what we have here! After quitting Twitter last year because of her disapproving boyfriend, Miley Cyrus has decided to get back into the 140-or-less swing of things. Instead of reclaiming her old @mileycyrus handle, she’s taken over the account that was being managed to promote her next tour. She says that the decision to do so was for two reasons: 1) She wants to connect with her fans, and 2) She can’t get enough of that absolutely hilarious Charlie Sheen.

We’ve always known that Miley was a cornball who’s attracted to low-quality individuals, but Charlie Sheen? Maybe a month ago it was fine to point and laugh at the guy, but after there’s been so much discussion about his consistent abusive behavior toward women and relationship with drugs, I’m a little surprised she’s such an open supporter. It seems as if she had any idea what the hell she was talking about, she wouldn’t be a fan of his.

Hey, Billy Ray! While you’re lecturing your daughter on her bong ripping and slutty behavior, do you think you could also mention something about how women beaters are not to be praised and encouraged? Especially by your daughter and the guy who fucked your wife? Thanks!

Quotables: Bret Michaels Is A Horrible Influence

A photo of Pierce Brosnan, Charlie Sheen, Matt Sorum, and Bret Michaels

“I can say this about Charlie right now. Charlie has been nothing but a great friend to me, nothing but a great friend. I showed him how to destroy a hotel room, and he showed me how to edit and work on film. It was great.”

- Beautiful Bret Michaels bragging on his bro, Charlie Sheen.

Was it really that “great,” Bret?  Because if you taught him how to destroy a hotel room, then all you did was teach him how to kick off his biggest downward spiral yet.  I thought you were better than that, Bret, but I guess you were right all along – every rose does have its thorns.  Lesson learned.