Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlie Sheen

You’ll Die When You Hear What Charlie Sheen’s Getting Paid to Party

A photo of Charlie Sheen

Anyone who was freaking out after hearing that Snookie got paid $32,000 for a recent speaking engagement will regret wasting their energy on that mess once they hear how much that asshole Charlie Sheen‘s appearance fee is.

According to E! Online, the former Two and a Half Men star and current butt of every joke is charging $200,000 just to show up and party these days. Oh, and he also demands that you fly him to your party in a private jet and put him up in a hotel suite.

That’s far from the highest amount we’ve seen a celebrity get paid for an appearance, but considering that Sheen is unreliable, a seriously shady character and someone that no one seemed to care about like, two months ago, that’s insane. Then again, so is he.

Caption This – The Contests Begin Today!

photo of topless charlie sheen on tour pictures photos naked

Alright, guys!

Today is the official beginning of the Evil Beet Caption This Contests. You’ve all done awesome things in the practice runs, and we’re looking forward to sending you some free crap if you score well on these, going forward.

Rules: For consideration, your caption must appear in the comments section by Sunday, April 9th at 11:59 PM ET. You can enter as many times as you like, but be warned: if your first caption sucks, your second, third, and fourth probably will, too. The week’s winner will be announced on Tuesday, April 12th, along with the next round of ‘Caption This’ glory. The same rules will apply for the subsequent weeks thereafter. When commenting/entering, be sure to use your real email address in the email field, so that I can contact you directly to get your mailing address in order to send your prize. Only one winner per week will receive a prize.

Last week’s winner on the Kate Gosselin photo:

Winner: D. Ugh
“Hey, I found a place to carry my career.”

1st Runner-Up: LegalEase
“Parenting skills, check…marriage, check…dignity, check…self respect, check…what the hell am I forgetting? Oh yea, where the f*ck are those kids???!!”

2nd Runner-Up: ZAMIRA
“Sure hope the garbage men don’t notice eight kids mixed in with the garbage…”

Alright, so let ‘er rip on the Charlie Sheen picture! And good luck!

This Might Legitimately Be One of the Funniest Things I’ve Ever Seen Charlie Sheen Do

Wow. Well this was definitely one of the most ridiculous, and amusing, and ridiculous, things I’ve ever seen.

I haven’t really jumped on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon, for fear of encouraging someone with apparent mental illness and personal problems, but damn. If Charlie keeps up like this, he MIGHT just have yet another Twitter follower. This kind of shit is right up my alley.

‘POOF, you’re a gadfly!’

Miley Cyrus is Back on Twitter, Is One of Those A-Holes Who Still Thinks Charlie Sheen is Cool

Look what we have here! After quitting Twitter last year because of her disapproving boyfriend, Miley Cyrus has decided to get back into the 140-or-less swing of things. Instead of reclaiming her old @mileycyrus handle, she’s taken over the account that was being managed to promote her next tour. She says that the decision to do so was for two reasons: 1) She wants to connect with her fans, and 2) She can’t get enough of that absolutely hilarious Charlie Sheen.

We’ve always known that Miley was a cornball who’s attracted to low-quality individuals, but Charlie Sheen? Maybe a month ago it was fine to point and laugh at the guy, but after there’s been so much discussion about his consistent abusive behavior toward women and relationship with drugs, I’m a little surprised she’s such an open supporter. It seems as if she had any idea what the hell she was talking about, she wouldn’t be a fan of his.

Hey, Billy Ray! While you’re lecturing your daughter on her bong ripping and slutty behavior, do you think you could also mention something about how women beaters are not to be praised and encouraged? Especially by your daughter and the guy who fucked your wife? Thanks!

Quotables: Bret Michaels Is A Horrible Influence

A photo of Pierce Brosnan, Charlie Sheen, Matt Sorum, and Bret Michaels

“I can say this about Charlie right now. Charlie has been nothing but a great friend to me, nothing but a great friend. I showed him how to destroy a hotel room, and he showed me how to edit and work on film. It was great.”

- Beautiful Bret Michaels bragging on his bro, Charlie Sheen.

Was it really that “great,” Bret?  Because if you taught him how to destroy a hotel room, then all you did was teach him how to kick off his biggest downward spiral yet.  I thought you were better than that, Bret, but I guess you were right all along – every rose does have its thorns.  Lesson learned.

So This is What Charlie Sheen’s Been Working On

picture of charlie sheen filming operation greyhound movie photos

I know a lot of you guys are totally devastated by the cancellation of Charlie Sheen’s contract on Two and a Half Men, but fear no more: Charlie’s been working on a special new feature film-like project with Radar Online that centers around the current drama that’s taken over the star’s life. The short film, called Operation Greyhound, made its mini-debut this morning on Radar Online’s site (you can watch the excerpts here) and depicted Sheen and his newest goddess, Natalie Kenly, heading up a covert strike team to rescue his defunct trailer from the Warner Brothers studio lot.

The full version of the film will be released later in the month if he doesn’t die before then. I’ll know I’ll be waiting with bated breath.

Alec Baldwin to Charlie Sheen: “You Will Never Win”

A photo of Alec Baldwin

These days, one of the first things I think about when I wake up is Charlie Sheen.  Is that sad?  Seriously, my routine involves making the bed, petting the puppy, turning on the computer, and Googling Charlie Sheen.  It seems like good ol’ Alec Baldwin has been following a similar routine, because he took some time to write up a bit of decent advice to Charlie:

But you know what you should do? Take a nap. Get a shower. Call Chuck. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a huge check to the B’Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it. You will never win because when you are as big a douchebag as some of these guys are, they have no choice but to snuff you. (Do you secretly want to get snuffed? So you can go back and make movies?)

Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it’s not too late. This is America. You want to really piss off Chuck and Warner Brothers and CBS? Beg for America’s forgiveness. They will give it to you. And then go back. You are a great television star. And you’ve got the gig. As I learned from closely observing Tony Bennett so I could impersonate him on SNL, this is supposed to be fun.

P.S…. buy Cryer a really nice car.

That sounds like some pretty solid advice, but some of that’s got to sting.  How closely has Alec been following Charlie this past month or so?  Like, has he heard the man talk at all? Charlie Sheen has centered his life around the idea of winning, and he clearly knows how to work a machete – I’d be a little more delicate with my words if I were Alec.