Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen Did Something Nice Again

A photo of Charlie Sheen

I don’t know what’s gotten into Charlie Sheen lately – maybe the kind of syphilis that eats your brain? – but he’s been doing some awfully nice stuff lately. Last month, he gave a lot of money to the family of a little girl who’s currently fighting cancer, and this month, he gave a lot of money to another family. You want to know who?

That photographer that died trying to take a picture of Justin Bieber, right? His family is having a tough time raising enough funds for his funeral, because, you know, funerals are stupid expensive. One of the photographer’s friends is also friends with Charlie Sheen, and so Charlie heard that the family was struggling with this. So he wrote them a check for $12,000, and then when someone asked him about it, he gave this statement:

“A tragic incident like this erases the line between the photographer and the subject. It’s an unforgiving moment that begs us all to be human and work as one to prevent this in the future. As parents, we are all not supposed to bury our children. My deepest condolences to the families involved.”

Isn’t that nice? I think that is so nice. Charlie’s a f-cked up dude, but it’s good to know that even f-cked up dudes can take care of business every once in a while.

Charlie Sheen Thinks Using the Word “F-ggot” Makes Him Hip, Maybe

photo of charlie sheen ugly pictures
And not just f-ggot, guys, f-ggot assholes. Isn’t that so, so nice?

As the story goes, Charlie was hosting a music event at a club in Cabo, and before introducing the acts (which included Slash), he asked the crowd how they were doing. Apparently, they weren’t “doing” good enough for him, so he cried, “How we doing? … Lying bunch of f**got a**holes, how we doing?”

Charlie later talked to TMZ, who asked him about the slip. Charlie answered “I meant no ill will and intended to hurt no one and I apologize if I offended anyone”, and also, “I meant to say maggot but I have a lisp”, because yes, it’s totally funny to make fun of the credibility of your own apology by making fun of your own apology.

A leopard never really does change its spots, does it? All of that good-heartedness, giving Lindsay Lohan a hundred grand to pay off her tax debt … donating to help a little girl fight cancer … can Charlie’s use of the word “f-ggot” be overlooked because of his humanitarian deeds? I’ll be damned if I know.

Scary Movie 5 Looks So Great

Oh my god, no it doesn’t! Sorry for the foolin’, but it really, really doesn’t. It looks horrible, but then again it’s not like any of us expected anything great, right?

The most important thing about the trailer, obviously, is the scene between Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. As you can see, their scene was filmed as a sex tape (just think about that for a minute), and there is absolutely no kissing. If you look, you can see a little joke on the television about Lindsay’s probation being revoked, which is especially hilarious as it turned out to be true.

Luckily, TMZ got a hold of the script, and they know that Lindsay and Charlie’s dialogue includes gold like this:

LINDSAY: Okay but let’s do this quick, I got a court hearing in the morning … It’s a driving mishap thing.

CHARLIE: Promise me you won’t drive.

LINDSAY: That’s very sweet. You’re worried about me behind the wheel.

CHARLIE: I’m worried about me. I’m a pedestrian.

LOL. Also, when they start sexin’, Charlie “keeps running into LiLo’s numerous bodily devices … i.e. her sobriety monitor, tracking anklet, and a dog shock collar for orgasm help.” And one more tidbit: at some point, Lindsay runs Charlie over in her car, and then she hands off the keys to someone else because “you were driving.” Get it? It’s funny because that exact scenario happened in real life (besides the running over Charlie Sheen bit).

Are we all going to see this when it comes straight to DVD?