Today is the official beginning of the Evil Beet Caption This Contests. You’ve all done awesome things in the practice runs, and we’re looking forward to sending you some free crap if you score well on these, going forward.
Rules: For consideration, your caption must appear in the comments section by Sunday, April 9th at 11:59 PM ET. You can enter as many times as you like, but be warned: if your first caption sucks, your second, third, and fourth probably will, too. The week’s winner will be announced on Tuesday, April 12th, along with the next round of ‘Caption This’ glory. The same rules will apply for the subsequent weeks thereafter. When commenting/entering, be sure to use your real email address in the email field, so that I can contact you directly to get your mailing address in order to send your prize. Only one winner per week will receive a prize.
Look what we have here! After quitting Twitter last year because of her disapproving boyfriend, Miley Cyrus has decided to get back into the 140-or-less swing of things. Instead of reclaiming her old @mileycyrus handle, she’s taken over the account that was being managed to promote her next tour. She says that the decision to do so was for two reasons: 1) She wants to connect with her fans, and 2) She can’t get enough of that absolutely hilarious Charlie Sheen.
We’ve always known that Miley was a cornball who’s attracted to low-quality individuals, but Charlie Sheen? Maybe a month ago it was fine to point and laugh at the guy, but after there’s been so much discussion about his consistent abusive behavior toward women and relationship with drugs, I’m a little surprised she’s such an open supporter. It seems as if she had any idea what the hell she was talking about, she wouldn’t be a fan of his.
Hey, Billy Ray! While you’re lecturing your daughter on her bong ripping and slutty behavior, do you think you could also mention something about how women beaters are not to be praised and encouraged? Especially by your daughter and the guy who fucked your wife? Thanks!
“I can say this about Charlie right now. Charlie has been nothing but a great friend to me, nothing but a great friend. I showed him how to destroy a hotel room, and he showed me how to edit and work on film. It was great.”
Was it really that “great,” Bret? Because if you taught him how to destroy a hotel room, then all you did was teach him how to kick off his biggest downward spiral yet. I thought you were better than that, Bret, but I guess you were right all along – every rose does have its thorns. Lesson learned.
I know a lot of you guys are totally devastated by the cancellation of Charlie Sheen’s contract on Two and a Half Men, but fear no more: Charlie’s been working on a special new feature film-like project with Radar Online that centers around the current drama that’s taken over the star’s life. The short film, called Operation Greyhound, made its mini-debut this morning on Radar Online’s site (you can watch the excerpts here) and depicted Sheen and his newest goddess, Natalie Kenly, heading up a covert strike team to rescue his defunct trailer from the Warner Brothers studio lot.
The full version of the film will be released later in the month if he doesn’t die before then. I’ll know I’ll be waiting with bated breath.
These days, one of the first things I think about when I wake up is Charlie Sheen. Is that sad? Seriously, my routine involves making the bed, petting the puppy, turning on the computer, and Googling Charlie Sheen. It seems like good ol’ Alec Baldwin has been following a similar routine, because he took some time to write up a bit of decent advice to Charlie:
But you know what you should do? Take a nap. Get a shower. Call Chuck. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a hugecheck to the B’Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it. You will never win because when you are as big a douchebag as some of these guys are, they have no choice but to snuff you. (Do you secretly want to get snuffed? So you can go back and make movies?)
Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it’s not too late. This is America. You want to really piss off Chuck and Warner Brothers and CBS? Beg for America’s forgiveness. They will give it to you. And then go back. You are a great television star. And you’ve got the gig. As I learned from closely observing Tony Bennett so I could impersonate him on SNL, this is supposed to be fun.
That sounds like some pretty solid advice, but some of that’s got to sting. How closely has Alec been following Charlie this past month or so? Like, has he heard the man talk at all? Charlie Sheen has centered his life around the idea of winning, and he clearly knows how to work a machete – I’d be a little more delicate with my words if I were Alec.
Did any of you make a bad decision this week? Then jump in line, kids, and just know that you’re probably going to have to be somewhere behind this dude. Just check out that ink – have you ever seen anything so beautiful or so evocative etched onto someone’s flesh? Can you even begin to imagine how much tail this tattoo is going to get this guy? And most importantly, what other significant Sheenisms do you think should have been incorporated to make this the best tattoo ever?