Remember this?

Yeah, that was Brandy’s really unfortunate-looking tattoo that quite resembled something you’d sit and rotate upon if you were into that sort of thing. These days, however, Brandy’s rocking an elephant trunk of a different persuasion – and instead the tat repair making it all better, now the elephant kind of looks like it’s had its foreskin reattached and you know what? That’s way embarrassing.

I think I preferred the original design, ’cause this one just looks small, shriveled and scared.

You’d be, too, if someone tried to sew your foreskin on.

She even posted some pictures of it on her Twitter! Do you recognize it?  If not, don’t worry, because Brandy explains that it’s Ganesh, “Egyptian god! Remover of all obstacles.”  If you’re the highfalutin type (like one of Brandy’s followers), you might point out that Ganesh is a Hindu god, not an Egyptian one, but you can keep that to yourself, because we’re not going to rain on Brandy’s parade.

Except we kind of are, because I’m sorry, but I think it’s ill-advised to get a tattoo of a god you might not fully understand, especially if that tattoo can be said to look like a dick.  If I were Brandy’s friend, I’d have been like “girl, we can make this worthwhile for a little bit with Spider-Man web shooter jokes, but maybe just check out Wikipedia some more and sleep on it a little longer.” And I would do it out of pure love, because I’d know that whenever I got urges to get a tattoo of floppy-haired teenage Jesus riding a unicorn over a rainbow or a human centipede with Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini, she’d say the same thing to me.  Real imaginary friends sometimes have to do the hard thing because it’s the right thing.

“I haven’t been with a man seriously and in love in six years. And, honestly, I tend to abstain if I’m not in a relationship … It’s been a long time. We’re talking years.”

Brandy, Bra’Mu or Bra’Nu or whoever her Sasha Fierce-like alter-ego is or whatever, who is currently starring on Dancing With the Stars — and kicking ass and taking names like it’s nobody’s business — claims that she hasn’t been bedded in ‘years.’

So.  Years, girl? Whatchoo wanna go and do that for? You’re young, virile, and pretty attractive, as far as I’m concerned. I mean, I totally respect that you don’t go out and bang every hot boy on the block, and I think that’s pretty awesome, but treat yourself every once in awhile for God’s sake. At least every four years or so, come on.

“The first season these dance instructors were normal people. They’re not exactly living the high life. They put them on TV and they develop personalities. They all have become full of themselves. And Maksim is very taken with himself. He doesn’t like to be criticized. The whole show is being criticized and he doesn’t like it… Well, he is dancing with Brandy … This guy is yelling at her, giving her the business about how she has to work harder. She’s being a good sport about it, pretending like this actually matters if they’re dancing the f***ing samba correctly. All of the sudden, while he’s training her he starts smacking her on the ass. This guy is training a woman, a black woman. You know when a man walks by a woman and makes a sound like she’s a fine horse? He’s smacking her on the ass like she’s his personal property, like back in the slave days. I was astounded they were showing this on TV.”

- Howard Stern going off about Maksim Chmerkovskiy treatment of his partner Brandy on Dancing With The Stars.

A lot of people hate Howard because they just hear the things he says that are so honest that they seem offensive, but I love him because he also always says stuff like this. He’s a man of strong, smart opinions.

I couldn’t agree more about Maksim’s treatment of Brandy and how absolutely disgusting it is that the producers allow their professional relationship to be played out like that on camera.

Oh, Lordy. Have you heard the partial list of who’s appearing on this upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars? Because it’s a doozy. A motherfucking doozy. Like, ‘doozy’ as in ‘you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting some of the most obnoxious people on the planet.’

In order of best to worst, I give you the almost-complete list of DWTS contenders.

Kurt Warner – an NFL player who helped win the Superbowl back in 1998. I don’t know much about him, and I’m not going to Google him because, frankly, I’m not interested in finding anything out. Point is, DWTS has its token athlete, like it or not, and that’s just fine by me.

Audrina Patridge – Oh, for crying out loud. Watching this woman dance onstage is going to be akin to watching a blind man crossing the street. To music.

Brandy – Maybe she can spend the entire season telling the paparazzi to lay off of her, and bloggers to leave her alone — or better yet, she can pull a Kate Gosselin and do her little “Paparazzi” dance. That’d go over well. And it’d be poetic, too, because Brandy actually meant something to Hollywood once. You know, back when ‘That Boy is Mine’ was cool and it was the ‘in’ thing to do to star in movies like I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (and yes, I really did like those movies).

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino – As I’m sure you can understand, I’m really, really looking forward to seeing Mike Sorrentino’s greasy abs ‘creep’ and ‘beat up the beat’ all over the stage, ’cause he’s so underexposed as it is. And you know this shithead is going to win. You just KNOW it. He’ll probably pull Chippendale moves every week, because that’ll mean he’ll only have to wear a bowtie and no shirt. Uh, bonus?

So thanks, ABC. I didn’t watch Dancing With the Stars before, and I’m definitely not going to start now.

R&B singer-turned actress-turned rapper Brandy Norwood took to her Vibe.com blog to hate on bloggers that hate on her, her gross brother Ray-J, his girlfriend Kelly Rowland and the fact that she killed a girl with her car a couple years ago and never did any time for it. Not only is Brandy lucky as hell that anyone still cares about her OR her brother, but attacking people for “hating on you” seems like a pretty rookie move for someone who’s been famous since she was a tween, you know?

Here’s some of the blog:

People think that you being strong doesn’t mean things don’t hurt your feelings. That’s not what being strong means. I’m a very strong person, but some of those things that people say about me on blogs make me cry. I don’t like it. And what’s so frustrating is that I don’t get a chance to retaliate. Because y’all are not posting y’all pictures on the blogs. I can’t respond and I can’t be negative back because that’s just not me.

But sometimes some of the things that people say about me and my best friends and people that I care about, like my brother and Kelly Rowland, I want to go in on those people, but I can’t. But that stuff hurts. It really hurts. Sometimes we don’t read the comments because of what we’ve seen people say in the past about us. Okay, you don’t like my shoes, you don’t like my outfit, cool, but the rest of it, like bringing up the car accident?

People just go too far. Way too far. But people are going to be who they are. As long as I’m not like that, and even if I wasn’t me and I was tweeting about another celebrity, I would never say anything bad about somebody like that. I’m glad that I’m that type of a person.

Blah, blah, blah. You get the gist.

Sure, I’m sure that it hurts to read mean things about yourself on the Internet. But you know what doesn’t hurt? Money. Go be rich, Brandy. I saw that show you had when you were married to that dude and pregnant. Your baby special or whatever. You’re rich, Brandy. Who cares?