2Well Hey There, Brandy

It’s like ‘I Still Know What You Did Last Summer’ just without all of the carnage and Jennifer Love Hewitt!

In case you guys didn’t know, because it’s not like we talk a whole lot about Brandy around here unless we’re talking about penis tattoos, making vehicular homicide jokes or she’s praising Chris Brown despite his being a dick, Ms. Norwood has gone and gotten herself engaged to music executive, Ryan Press. From E!:

Speculation began yesterday when the star posted a photo on Instagram of a rose petal with song lyrics to her latest single, “How High,” which states, “Like a rib, I’m one within you. We’re unbreakable, inseparable.”

And today, her rep confirmed the happy news.

These photos are of Brandy while on a Hawaiian vacation, celebrating her new engagement. Enjoy them, because you just never do know when we’ll be talking about Brandy here again, you know?

December 28, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah

25Brandy And Adam Levine Have Important Feelings About Chris Brown

I wonder if there will ever come a day when every single person in the world stops feeling the need to broadcast their opinion of Chris Brown. I’m not saying that in a judgey way, because of course I have my own opinion of Chris, and I do broadcast that opinion on a fairly regular basis, I’m just curious. Will there ever be a time when the majority of us gossipers have the outlook of “Chris Brown, whatever,” or will he continue to inspire lots of feelings for the rest of his career?

Anyway, that day, if it ever happens, is far in the future, because many celebrities are still talking about him in public. For instance, Brandy had a little something to say in a recent interview:

“I just feel like everybody goes through things in their life, and it’s not my place or anybody’s place to judge, I just know that Chris is a fantastic artist and he’s always been supportive of me as an artist, and I just wanted to work with him because he’s great at what he does.”

How many times do I have to say that yes, everyone goes through things, but most people don’t viciously attack and nearly murder their loved ones? Why is that such a hard thing to understand? If you want to focus on his music, fine, whatever, but the “everyone makes mistakes” line gets on my last nerve.

Speaking of focusing on the music (and getting on my last nerve), another celebrity in the form of Adam Levine hates Chris so much that he doesn’t even care about the music:

“Adam hates Chris Brown,” a source tells Star. “And he has no problem telling people that.” His anti-Chris feelings are so strong that they’re affecting his work as a judge on The Voice, which recently began filming its third season. During blind auditions, one contestant sang one of Chris’s songs and did an amazing job, but Adam was so blinded by his hatred for Chris that he took it out on the performer for his choice of tune.

“Adam flat-out told the guy he would have chosen him if he hadn’t sung a Chris Brown song,” the insider says. “He said some people might be over what Chris did, but he isn’t and never will be.”

Well, celebrities, who’s next? Who else has important thoughts about Chris Brown? You can email them directly to me, as long as you don’t include the line “everyone makes mistakes.”

July 18, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

6But A Few People Looked OK at The Billboard Music Awards

Like Taylor Swift here. Taylor Swift looked ok at the Billboard Music Awards. In fact, I’d wager that she had the best look of the night, generally speaking. I really like her dress, and it obviously looks great on her.

Another lady who had a good look was Brandy, but to be honest, I can’t decide if I actually like her dress or if I just think she looks nice because I’ve always been envious of hair like that. Regardless, gold shoes!

Next up is Jordin Sparks, who I’ve always thought was completely adorable, wearing a lovely little dress. This one is remarkable because it’s one of the only dresses I’ve ever seen on a red carpet that I would actually like to wear in real life:

Then there’s one of our favorite ladies, Zooey Deschanel, going after my own heart in a sparkly dress and black tights:

But then we have my personal favorite dress, worn by the very fabulous Carrie Underwood:

But which one was your favorite?

May 21, 2012 at 7:30 am by Emily

5Brandy Got Her Penis-Looking Tattoo Fixed You Guys

Remember this?

Yeah, that was Brandy’s really unfortunate-looking tattoo that quite resembled something you’d sit and rotate upon if you were into that sort of thing. These days, however, Brandy’s rocking an elephant trunk of a different persuasion – and instead the tat repair making it all better, now the elephant kind of looks like it’s had its foreskin reattached and you know what? That’s way embarrassing.

I think I preferred the original design, ’cause this one just looks small, shriveled and scared.

You’d be, too, if someone tried to sew your foreskin on.

January 28, 2011 at 9:00 am by Sarah

12Look, You Guys, Brandy Got A New Tattoo!

She even posted some pictures of it on her Twitter! Do you recognize it?  If not, don’t worry, because Brandy explains that it’s Ganesh, “Egyptian god! Remover of all obstacles.”  If you’re the highfalutin type (like one of Brandy’s followers), you might point out that Ganesh is a Hindu god, not an Egyptian one, but you can keep that to yourself, because we’re not going to rain on Brandy’s parade.

Except we kind of are, because I’m sorry, but I think it’s ill-advised to get a tattoo of a god you might not fully understand, especially if that tattoo can be said to look like a dick.  If I were Brandy’s friend, I’d have been like “girl, we can make this worthwhile for a little bit with Spider-Man web shooter jokes, but maybe just check out Wikipedia some more and sleep on it a little longer.” And I would do it out of pure love, because I’d know that whenever I got urges to get a tattoo of floppy-haired teenage Jesus riding a unicorn over a rainbow or a human centipede with Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini, she’d say the same thing to me.  Real imaginary friends sometimes have to do the hard thing because it’s the right thing.

December 29, 2010 at 11:05 am by Emily

3Quotables: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Brandy’s Non-Existent Sex Life

“I haven’t been with a man seriously and in love in six years. And, honestly, I tend to abstain if I’m not in a relationship … It’s been a long time. We’re talking years.”

Brandy, Bra’Mu or Bra’Nu or whoever her Sasha Fierce-like alter-ego is or whatever, who is currently starring on Dancing With the Stars — and kicking ass and taking names like it’s nobody’s business — claims that she hasn’t been bedded in ‘years.’

So.  Years, girl? Whatchoo wanna go and do that for? You’re young, virile, and pretty attractive, as far as I’m concerned. I mean, I totally respect that you don’t go out and bang every hot boy on the block, and I think that’s pretty awesome, but treat yourself every once in awhile for God’s sake. At least every four years or so, come on.

October 21, 2010 at 6:30 am by Sarah