Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jolie Tells Pitt He Sucks In Bed; Pitt Gets Hammered

brad pitt angelina

Oh man, I love the National Enquirer. Jest all you like, but half of the time they get their stories right and before anyone else. The other half of the time I think they just make shit up and I think this falls under that half.

Apparently Angelina Jolie told Brad Pitt that compared to Colin Farrell he sucks in bed and now Brad Pitt is an alcoholic or something.

from The National Inquirer

Brad caught Angie red-handed, admitting that she thinks he’s a so-so lover. Ever since then, he’s been on a drunken rampage – consuming copious amounts of his favorite beer and red wine…he’s showed no signs of slowing down on the booze. He’s been drink­ing to forget about the image of Angie and Colin together.

One might ask, how did he catch her “red-handed”? Was she spray-painting “COLIN FARRELL IS BETTER AT SEX THAN BRAD PITT” on their garage? No. Allegedly Jolie was talking on the phone to ex Billy Bob Thornton while Pitt was out but then he forgot his wallet and then this scene from Beverly Hills, 90210 played out:

As he walked into their bedroom, Brad overheard Angie say that he was a great guy, but Colin was the best lover she’d ever had! Then Angie told Billy Bob that her love life with Brad had gone cold, and she missed the wild, passionate sex she’d had with Colin!

Who was there to know this private information? This is like when Charles Foster Kane died whispering his last words, “Rosebud” but the nurse was in the other room. Whatever, this is great, let’s just keep going with this. Brad “exploded” and,

Demanded that Angie tell him everything about her relationship with Colin. She told Brad that she fell in love with Colin because he was dangerous and spontaneous. She also copped to sending Colin sexy pictures, dirty voice-mails and sexually explicit let­ters during their fling. Angie admitted that she had hoped for a future, includ­ing marriage and kids, with Colin, but he wasn’t ready. She couldn’t deny to Brad that he was her second choice! [...] she thrives on making him jealous.

So now Brad Pitt is all sad and not wanting to marry her, like ever, and is telling her she can’t talk to Colin Farrell.

Okay.

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