Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Colin Farrell

Jolie Tells Pitt He Sucks In Bed; Pitt Gets Hammered

brad pitt angelina

Oh man, I love the National Enquirer. Jest all you like, but half of the time they get their stories right and before anyone else. The other half of the time I think they just make shit up and I think this falls under that half.

Apparently Angelina Jolie told Brad Pitt that compared to Colin Farrell he sucks in bed and now Brad Pitt is an alcoholic or something.

from The National Inquirer

Brad caught Angie red-handed, admitting that she thinks he’s a so-so lover. Ever since then, he’s been on a drunken rampage – consuming copious amounts of his favorite beer and red wine…he’s showed no signs of slowing down on the booze. He’s been drink­ing to forget about the image of Angie and Colin together.

One might ask, how did he catch her “red-handed”? Was she spray-painting “COLIN FARRELL IS BETTER AT SEX THAN BRAD PITT” on their garage? No. Allegedly Jolie was talking on the phone to ex Billy Bob Thornton while Pitt was out but then he forgot his wallet and then this scene from Beverly Hills, 90210 played out:

As he walked into their bedroom, Brad overheard Angie say that he was a great guy, but Colin was the best lover she’d ever had! Then Angie told Billy Bob that her love life with Brad had gone cold, and she missed the wild, passionate sex she’d had with Colin!

Who was there to know this private information? This is like when Charles Foster Kane died whispering his last words, “Rosebud” but the nurse was in the other room. Whatever, this is great, let’s just keep going with this. Brad “exploded” and,

Demanded that Angie tell him everything about her relationship with Colin. She told Brad that she fell in love with Colin because he was dangerous and spontaneous. She also copped to sending Colin sexy pictures, dirty voice-mails and sexually explicit let­ters during their fling. Angie admitted that she had hoped for a future, includ­ing marriage and kids, with Colin, but he wasn’t ready. She couldn’t deny to Brad that he was her second choice! [...] she thrives on making him jealous.

So now Brad Pitt is all sad and not wanting to marry her, like ever, and is telling her she can’t talk to Colin Farrell.

Okay.

SDCC 2011: Colin Farrell Talks Sobriety, ‘Fright Night’

Colin Farrell and Anton Yelchin star in 'Fright Night'

Image via LA Times’ Hero Complex

Holding the dubious distinction of Least Necessary Movie Ever: this year’s remake of the 1985 all-American horror-comedy Fright Night. (Ugh, the very idea! A remake of Gremlins could not offend me more.)

Nontheless, I’m extending cautious hopes for the remake in spite of myself, because A) Lars and the Real Girl‘s Craig Gillespie directs, B) in a feat of inspired casting, Superbad‘s Christopher Mintz-Plasse plays Evil Ed, and C) I’m a big, big Doctor Who fan.

Fright Night‘s real draw is supposed to be Colin Farrell, who plays the movie’s Sexy Vampire. He caused quite a stir during yesterday’s panel discussion at Comic-Con, in which no subject was off-limits.

Farrell, on rediscovering the joy of acting and recapturing his youthful optimism:

I came to success really quickly in relation to most other actors. The idea of how fast the chaos around me took grip, it’s insane. And I, myself personally, I lost sight of why I went to my first acting class when I was 17 in Dublin … I lost sight of that through this good fortune I was experiencing in Hollywood. So in the last six years I reconnected with the Colin who was 17. …It’s a lot of fun to do what we do. It’s such a fortunate place to find yourself.

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Colin Farrell And Elizabeth Taylor Were BFFs

A photo of Colin Farrell

Can’t you just imagine the two of them out on the town together, hitting up gay bars and getting into fights? Adorable.

Ok, maybe they didn’t get into fights – Colin’s not like that anymore, ok? – but they were friends:

“How did we become friends? You know, the old story of boy meets girl, the boy pesters girl with too many phone calls at inappropriate hours of the night,” Farrell, 34, tells Access Hollywood.

“I was just lucky enough to become her friend in the last year and a half,” the actor added. “I adore her…still.”

Taylor, who passed away of congestive heart failure at the age of 79, spoke of her fondness for Farrell in the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar.

“I love Johnny Depp, and I love Colin Farrell,” she told Kim Kardashian, who conducted the interview. “They’re both brilliant, nuanced actors with great range.”

As a result of their unlikely friendship, the Horrible Bosses actor was asked to recite Gerard Manley Hopkin’s poem, “The Leaden Echo and the Golden Echo,” at Taylor’s funeral.

“Elizabeth chose it. It was a tricky poem as well,” Farrell laughed. “Even in passing she had me under the thumb, sweating bricks.”

Farrell admits he’s still having a hard time coping with the loss of his friend. “I just miss her,” he said.

Is that a heartbreaking little tale or what?  Ten minutes ago I didn’t even care about Colin Farrell, not even a little bit, and now all I want in this world is to hug him and hold his hand while we watch Cleopatra and cry. Who’s with me?