Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Michael Lohan Took A Paternity Test on TV, The Results Are SHOCKING

You won’t BELIEVE these test results! Is Michael Lohan the father of THIS 17-year-old girl? Does Lindsay Lohan have another SISTER? When DID Maury Povich get a spinoff? WE NEED THE ANSWERS NOW OH GOD NOW NOW NOW.

That was fun, but we don’t need to build the suspense any longer. Here are the results of the test:

This isn’t a huge surprise for a couple of reasons. This girl’s mom has been saying that Michael Lohan is the dude that got her pregnant for a good few years now, and it’s not like it’s hard to imagine Michael stepping out on Dina like that. But also, this girl kind of looks like Ali, right? Here, look at this picture of Ali Lohan:

A photo of Ali Lohan

Now just imagine her with a couple more pounds. Do you see it?

Regardless, let’s all take some time to send this brand new Lohan some well wishes. It’s got to be hard, you know? Imagine going about your life for 17 whole years, and then one day you find out that you are, without a shadow of a doubt, a Lohan. That would be hard, wouldn’t it?

8 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Lesson to be learned here folks…. Celebrities, if you’re going to run around on your wife, stick to butt sex and hummers!

  • On a tv show. Trashy.

    In other news, Ali has such a pretty face, doesn’t she? It’s surprising how the pretty face is mismatched with an alarming body.

  • Dina was a moron from day one. Now Michael has one more child’s life to ruin. If the mother has any sense at all she’ll never let him see the girl unsupervised.
    He’ll try to turn the kid into a cash cow. I bet Lindsey is having panic attacks about her younger,prettier sister.