Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Ali Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s sister Ali wants to be the next Dolly Parton

ali lohan dina lohan

Please try not to throw up in your morning coffee, but Lindsay Lohan‘s “younger” sister, Ali Lohan, apparently wants to become a country singer now. She’s done the modeling thing (and the 5,000 cosmetic surgeries that come with it, apparently?) and now she’s ready to move on to music.

From TMZ:

We’re told Ali — who was last seen trying to launch a career as a NYC fashion model — has been writing songs and working with a singing coach.

We’re told Ali and mom Dina, went to Nashville last month to meet with producers and soak up the hillbilly vibe. She’s also learning to play different musical instruments.

Ali is not without success … she’s already snagged a $120K contract offer from one label — which also includes business roles for Dina … and Ali’s dad, Michael.   Couldn’t see that coming, right?

But Ali’s not committing … she thinks she can do even better so she’s meeting with other music execs.

Uh, what’s label’s this with, Crack Pipe Records? I’m sorry, but I just can’t with anyone in this family. Have Dina and Michael realized that the well has run dry with the older daughter, who will smoke and snort every penny she earns (if she ever even earns it), so they’ve had to move on to pimping out the younger one? Fuck off.

Also, Dolly Parton looks younger than Ali Lohan. Just saying.

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Lindsay Lohan Spent Valentine’s Day Bar Hopping

lindsay-ali-lohan

Lindsay Lohan spent Valentine’s Day with her sister, Ali Lohan — and according to TMZ, who posted the photo above, a lot of booze. The two sisters spent the evening in NYC bar hopping.

Lindsay is famously sober now, so the question is, did she partake or was she merely visiting? Do you think she has the willpower to go to bars and not drink?

Since she made her sobriety so public, I think it’s a fair thing to question. Personality, I don’t think this girl is capable of changing. I think we’ve given her so many chances and so many opportunities to get it right, and even if she wasn’t drinking last night, she shouldn’t put herself at risk by going to bars.

What do you guys think?

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Lindsay WTF Are You Wearing?

lindsay lohan black dress fashion show

Lindsay Lohan went to support her sister Ali who was modeling in Wendy Nichol’s “Saints of the Zodiac” fall fashion show. That was nice. However, she showed up in some sort of Stevie Nicks Xanadu nightmare. Not as nice. Dude behind her definitely approves though.

The headband is so very Mischa! And here’s what Ali wore in the show:

ali lohan wendy nicol's show

Hey, as long as Ali’s not doing this anymore, I support her career. As for Lohan, I guess she dressed in the theme? Except you’re not one of the models, dude. I don’t know, am I being too harsh? What do you think of Lindsay’s look?

lindsay lohan black outfit fashion show nyc

Looks Like Lohan Really Is Moving To NYC

lindsay lohan moving to nyc

While tweeting away in rehab, Lindsay Lohan resolved not to move to New York City when she got out. That didn’t last long. I guess it’s better than living with her mom in Long Island, but is it really a good idea for her to be living alone in NYC? Daily Mail claims that the space will “most likely have room for the actress’ live-in coach to help Lindsay stay on the comeback trail.” Let’s hope so. They posted these photos of her and younger sister Ali loading lots of luggage into an apartment building. And Lindsay’s been hanging out in New York since she left rehab. So, I guess you could put 2 and 2 together and get a solid 4. The 4 being, she’s moving into this apartment in NYC.

ali lohan nyc

Ali’s not looking pleased.

Welcome back, Linds. Try not to spend all your Oprah money in one place.

lindsay lohan nyc apartment

She clearly didn’t spend it here.

A Real Lohan Holiday

photo of lindsay lohan and her family for christmas 2012 pictures no michael pic
Oh guys. Just when we thought ‘Lohan Holiday’ was a thing of the past, we were treated to this extra-special photo of Lindsay and all of the Lohans, minus one adult Michael Lohan.

As you can see, Lindsay Lohan spent Christmas with her mother, Dina Lohan, her brothers (Michael Jr. and Cody) and sister (Ali), and what’s that I see? Did Lindsay get her old teeth back for Christmas? Because it sure looks like Lindsay got her old teeth back for Christmas. How fun.

In case you didn’t happen to know the who’s who of the Lohan family, I’ve got it on lockdown for you: from left to right—Ali Lohan, Cody Lohan, Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan, Grandma Not-Lohan, and last, but not least, Michael Lohan Jr.

Isn’t this just a gem of a photo, guys?

Image courtesy of TMZ

Flashback: Let’s Just Take a Quick Listen to ‘Lohan Holiday’, OK?

Oh my God, guys, I can’t even. I seriously can’t stop laughing. I don’t know what’s worse—Ali Lohan (who does the majority of the singing on the track) trying to to sound like a lost Bone Thug, Lindsay doing the echoes, runs, and harmonies, or the lyrics themselves. Can’t bring yourself to actually listen to this song? Here’s the lyrics so you can at least have some idea about what I’m busting a gut over:

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday

Imagine if you can – a magical Christmas land fictional journey – a vision so real
A place everybody smiles – wont you come for a while
Lets go in a hurry – come with me you’ll see

Imaginations all you really need (lohan holiday)

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday

Such a magical ride – so come on jump inside
A great destination for everyone to see
The wonders in the air can’t wait to see you there
Magical moments that you have only dreamed
All you have to do is just believe (lohan holiday)

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday

A Christmas fantasy that’s meant for you and me
Where everything you’ll ever want is for free just believe (take you there)

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday
Come let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
I can take you so far away

See, now, I’m picturing all of this snow everywhere, and I don’t think it’s an accident. I think it’s all actually a metaphor for cocaine, because really, what does the Lohan family do super good? They do cocaine super good, friends, and what makes for a whiter Christmas than coke-blown landscapes and good old-fashioned family dysfunction? Nothing, I tell you—not a thing.

Merry Christmas from the Lohans. Yeah, it was a sentiment from 2006, but I like to think that some things just don’t change all that much (probably because they don’t).

Wow, Ali Lohan Looks Great

photo of ali lohan pictures photos pics skinny thin before and after photos
Woo, girl! You’s on fire! For real, if we took your arms and legs and snapped them in half, they’d make some bomb-ass …. kindling, anyway. It’d burn for about a minute (but no more), because I think you’d actually need some fat in a body to really use it as fuel, but hey. It’s a start.

Ali’s thin, OK? The end.

Now I’m going to make this post about Ali’s sister, Lindsay, because she’s a bigger crotch-gremlin and way more interesting to talk about. I mean, have you ever read an interview with Ali? It’s like watching f-cking paint dry.

So, Lindsay. She’s off probation, right? Good times are to be had by all? Heck yes. You want to know how Lindsay celebrated her newfound sobriety and freedom? By throwing a party at the Chateau Marmont for a zillion of her “closest” “friends”! Last week, it was reported that Lindsay threw a bash that included guests like Nicky Hilton, Brandon Davis, and Kimberly Stewart, many of her old party-cronies. Whee! But guys, don’t expect that behavior to continue. Lindsay’s serious about her career revival and sobriety. From People:

Now that her court-ordered formal probation period has ended Lindsay Lohan enjoyed a relaxed dinner at Café Habana in Malibu, Calif. The actress – who was warned during her recent hearing by Judge Stephanie Sautner, “Stop the nightclubbing and focus on your work” – is slated to appear in an episode of Glee, and she was in good spirits, a source says, as she dined with a female friend.

During her leisurely meal, Lohan kept a low profile and split a guacamole appetizer. For dinner, she had grilled shrimp and simply drank a soda.

What People didn’t say was that Lindsay‘s dining companion was sister Ali. Who she split the guacamole appetizer with and who also ordered filet mignon, fire-roasted peppers, and mashed potatoes, all of which were chewed up and spit out before they could accidentally be swallowed. To drink, Ali reportedly asked for a glass of lemon water, dusted lightly with Miralax.

Sister power!