Imagine that! Lindsay Lohan’s little sister can fly! I mean, wouldn’t you fly if you knew that the same blood that pumped in Lindsay’s veins, pumped in yours, too? Yours’d probably be a lot cleaner, that’s for damn sure, but it’d work in theory, nonetheless.

These are some recent pictures of Ali Lohan, just in time to interrupt our train of thought that, hey, maybe she wasn’t too skinny after all – yeah, she was Angelina-Jolie-caliber type of skinny, but not, you know, war prisoner kind of skinny.

Eat some cookies or something, Ali. You’re almost transparent.

According to Merriam-Webster (some dictionary people and not non-legitimate word-definers like myself), a “guru” is “a teacher and especially intellectual guide in matters of fundamental concern.” Did you catch that? No? Here it is again: “A TEACHER AND ESPECIALLY INTELLECTUAL GUIDE IN MATTERS OF FUNDAMENTAL CONCERN.”

And in young Ali‘s case, you’re probably wondering what “fundamental concern” means to her. I’m guessing, in my layman’s terms, that Ali’s “fundamental concern” solely lies with what blend of Parliaments to smoke, whether or not to listen to Death Cab for Cutie or the Postal Service (sooooo retro), or sip that Pabst Blue Ribbon. This is all how Lindsay got her start, you know, so …

[I don't know if this actually is Ali's "guru," but it's a lot more plausible to think that than that he's her boyfriend or something.]

DOOD. This just gets better and better, now, doesn’t it?

Ali and her “spider-like limbs”:

Sitting down for a chat, Aliana is polite, sweet and, for the first 20 minutes, guarded. She’s wearing a conservatively chic ensemble of light gray American Apparel pants, a black sleeveless American Apparel blouse buttoned all the way up to her neck and vintage black Chloe booties. (“I love the ’50s. That’s my style,” she says in the trademark Lohan rasp. “I just think it’s really beautiful how they didn’t show as much skin back then.”) Her long, dark brown hair is parted in the middle. She’s five foot eight, and her spiderlike limbs seem to go on for yards, making her look at least five inches taller.

On the woman who’s supposed to be her mother:

“Yeah, she has gotten a bad rap,” Aliana says. “People don’t really know what has gone on. It upsets me sometimes when I see stuff that’s the complete opposite of the truth. I don’t listen to the negative stuff. I just try to take the positive. I don’t go on blogs. Noooo, noooo, noooo, noooo,” she continues, shaking her head emphatically. “It’s so much less stressful if you’re not dealing with that stuff. I mean, obviously you [might] hear something from someone…but I just let it roll right off my shoulders. I don’t validate it. I’m just like, yeah, whatever. I know I’m fine. Everything’s great. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone who’s making up stupid stuff. I don’t get it. I would never do that, so I don’t know how someone could be that mean.”

On finishing high school:

This month Aliana will not only turn 18 but will also graduate from high school early. “I get three or four months extra to be free,” says the Criminal Minds fan, who, if she goes to university, would choose Ithaca College, like her older brother Michael, 23, and study “how to profile serial killers or something cool like that. I am taking one step at a time,” she continues. “I will focus on [school] when I get to it.”

The full details on the plastic surgery:

“Oh my gosh, that’s so funny,” she says. But she doesn’t mean funny ha-ha. “I mean, I heard it from one of my friends, and I was kind of like, ‘Why are you my friend? Because I shouldn’t be hearing this. If you’re my friend you wouldn’t even talk about that stuff.’ ” She leans in close and gets almost too quiet to hear. Again, her eyes glance around the room cautiously before she continues. “When they did tell me, I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that? I’m 17 years old. That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would ever sign off on that? No! It’s not the right thing to do. I mean, if you wanted to, that’s great, for anyone else. I know a girl who had a nose job in seventh grade, which is craaaazy. In seventh grade! I think that’s more of, like, the mom’s decision, not the kid’s. But I don’t know. It’s stupid. I don’t listen to it. It’s absolutely not true.”

On being “naturally” skinny:

(more…)

Isn’t that a hoot? Ali says this about the public’s interest in her recent non-plastic surgery plastic surgery:

“I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that (surgery)? I’m 17 years old. That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would sign off on that? No! Its not the right thing to do. It’s stupid. I don’t listen to it. Its absolutely not true.”

In the same interview with Page Six magazine, she also counters allegations that her drastic weight loss could possibly be attributed to drug use:

… Aliana insists she is the opposite of a wild child, she doesn’t drink or smoke, and, “I just say no [to drugs]. I’m lucky enough that I had my sister to learn from…I’ve seen people do it to her and I’ve learned to be like, ‘That’s stupid, no’. That’s why Lindsay and me are so close, because we’re able to talk about those things together.”

I don’t know. I’m just all ‘meh’ about this girl. She claims she’s a big girl, she’s grown up, she’s learned from her familial mistakes, and now she wants to be called by her given name, Aliana Lohan, but guys? I honestly just don’t give a shit enough about this girl (this Lohan) to make the effort to change her damn category tag to “Aliana Lohan.” It’s just not worth it to me – I’m sorry.

Do any of you covet freckles? I do. I kind of have this odd olive skin that more often looks yellow when I don’t have a summer tan, and I think freckles are just darling. And now that Lindsay Lohan kind of melted her skin with all of the meth and crack, and it’s almost impossible to admire her formerly-lovely skin, we’ll just have to go and settle for Ali. I know it’s kind of like preferring Ashlee Simpson to Jessica, but it’s the sign of the times in which we live, guys. ALI LOHAN FOREVER.

She has the perfect look, very European, more angular. She has the right lean look for modeling. …She’s a 33-24-34, which is a size 1 or 2.

—Modeling agent Alexis Borges, to Life & Style

Ah, of course. The “right, lean look.” (In the meantime, Next’s website gives Aliana‘s measurements as 30-23-33. Hmm! She’s “leaner” than her own agent realizes!)

Image gallery via Pop2it and Next Model Management