Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Michael Lohan

Michael Lohan got beat up by his drunk-driving girlfriend

michael lohan kate major

I suppose since Lindsay Lohan is back in the news with her new reality show, her father, Michael Lohan, also wants a piece of the action, even if his “news” isn’t particularly positive. This time, he seems to have got beat up by girlfriend Kate Major, who was eventually arrested for a DUI. Well, there’s something!

From TMZ:

Michael claims they were in a nasty argument at their home in FL when she hit him multiple times in the face.

We’re told Lohan called 911, and just as cops arrived … Kate was fleeing in her car.

She didn’t get far — according to law enforcement, Kate crashed into some bushes near the house … and was busted for allegedly driving intoxicated.

We’re told she’s still in custody, and getting booked for DUI … and possibly domestic battery.

Wow, they sound like such a wonderful couple. I mean, what is ACTUALLY wrong with this entire family? Dina is no better, and we KNOW having parents like that has ruined Lindsay.

Don’t forget, just last month, Kate Major locked herself in a room and called police saying that Michael had a knife and was trying to bust down the door. Good lord. SMH at these people. Get it together and get off the damn drugs.

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Lindsay Lohan’s Parents Are the Worst

michael lohan lindsay lohan dina lohan

I don’t think anyone really wonders where Lindsay Lohan went wrong, at this point – look who she was raised by. You’ve got a mother who’s living out her own dreams of fame that never came true through her daughter and a father who’s an abusive alcoholic/drug addict. In fact, Dina has had her fair share of substance abuse issues, as well. The whole family’s a mess.

Anyhow, I use that preface for this story because as we all know, Lindsay is probably releasing a tell-all book soon about her life, and Michael Lohan is already up in arms about what she might write in he. He’s threatened to sue Dina if she talks a bunch of shit about him to Lindsay and she ends up putting it in her book, because apparently that violates a term of their divorce.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan’s new tell-all book project has a new wrinkle … if she tells all she’ll end up smack in the middle of a lawsuit between her mom and her dad.

Michael Lohan believes when it comes to writing about Lindsay’s childhood, Dina Lohan will tell her daughter defamatory stories about Michael.

So we’ve learned Michael’s lawyer just sent a threatening letter to Dina, reminding her about the gag order which was imposed in their divorce … the gag order which states, “”The wife shall not, directly or indirectly, publish, or cause to be published, any diary, memoir, letter, story” blah blah blah involving her marriage to Michael.

Yes, because this is all about you guys… AGAIN. What’s wrong with these people? And also, why does Michael seem to think that the book is going to be about HIM? Sure, I know he’s her father and he’s fucked up that much that she’s bound to have some things to say about him, but for real, man? Calm down.

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Oprah Is Keeping Lindsay’s Parents Away From Her Show

lindsay lohan dina lohan

Oprah and her producers are shooting a “docuseries” (read: reality show) for OWN follows Lindsay Lohan around as she starts her recovery process. Yeah, great idea, Oprah. How to better recover than to give an attention starved mess a camera crew following her at all times. And for $2 million. Smart.

One smart move being made though is Oprah and producers keeping Lindsay’s parents, Dina and Michael, away from her show.

From Daily News via TMZ:

The Oprah-helmed project featuring the embattled actress, 27, is set to be strictly about Lohan’s recovery and attempts to resuscitate her acting career…In fact, OWN producers are doing everything possible to keep the “Canyons” star’s parents — headline mainstays Michael and Dina Lohan — as far away from the cameras as possible.

According to the gossip site, an “executive decision” was made to ban them from the show.  There won’t even be a mention of Dina Lohan’s recent DWI arrest, show sources say.

Good. Now just cancel the entire show and we’re set.

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Lohan’s Dad Not Happy With Lohan’s “Stalkerish” Sister

ashley horn plastic surgery

Lindsay Lohan‘s half-sister, Ashley Horn, got $25,000 worth of plastic surgery to look like a younger Lindsay Lohan (above). I don’t think the surgeries make her look anything like Lohan. After the surgeries, Horn said, “I’m hotter than Lindsay! I have no problem saying that.” Well their dad Michael Lohan thinks there’s a problem.

From The Daily News:

“It’s nuts and sick and stalkerish,” Michael tells Confidenti@l, revealing that he no longer speaks to Horn. “What mother would let her 18-year-old daughter get surgery like that? And she’s hotter than Lindsay? Are you kidding me? Lindsay doesn’t need plastic surgery.”

It feels very weird to agree with Michael Lohan but the dude’s been nailing it lately. Of ex-wife/Lindsay’s mom Dina he said, “She has lived off Lindsay for 19 years. Do what every other divorced mom does and go to work.” Guy is ON it.

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Though He Says Lindsay’s Doing Great In Rehab, Michael Lohan Wants To Take Her Out

lindsay lohan young

Lindsay Lohan is in rehab at The Betty Ford Center where she’s been working on healing and also being an unofficial spokesperson for a singing app, and probably snickering at Amanda Bynes‘ twitter feed. Class act father Michael Lohan is really proud of her and says she is doing “phenomenal” — yet he wants to move her to a different location. From The Daily Mail:

Its just enough is enough and I think she realises it. In everyone’s life there comes an epiphany and I guess it’s come upon her in some way shape or form. It’s time and I think she knows that.

She’s doing phenomenal, I mean awesome.

Okay…then why move her? Mr. Lohan says he wants her to go to Lukens Institute in Palm Springs, and he claims she does, too.

…There’s a lot of healing going on, this is only the beginning of the process and she has 60 more days. She did say at the beginning of the month that she wants to leave and go to Lukens, and as a matter of fact one or two other people want to go as well. So I’m going to go and I’m going to meet with [her lawyer] Shawn Holley this week and hopefully talk to the city attorney and get her transferred.

They [The Betty Ford Center] don’t get any trauma therapy here, they do no one-on-one whatsoever, they’re giving some of the people in here frigging medication, I mean Valium and other narcotic medication. You don’t do that in a rehab. I just don’t get it.

The hell is he talking about? Does he know they took away her adderall? I don’t think anyone is giving your daughter Valium, Mr. Lohan. This f-cking family. Why do I get the feeling that he wants her here because for whatever reason it’s more convenient for him?

Lindsay Lohan’s Parents Are Each Writing Memoirs

lindsay lohan dina lohan 2013

Image via NY Daily News

Lindsay Lohan’s parents have to be competing in some sort of “worst parent ever” contest. Mother Dina is working on a memoir that reveals how awful her husband, Michael Lohan/Lindsay’s father is. And Michael is writing a memoir about how awful Dina is. And Lindsay is stuck in the middle getting Botox.

Though it seemed like Dina told all when she appeared in a, shall we say, unfocused state on Dr. Phil’s show in September of 2012, she apparently has more to tell. She’s accused her ex husband of physical, mental and sexual abuse. Michael is saying that Dina is lying, and he’ll be sure to tell us all about it in his book tentatively titled, I Am Not Daddy Dearest…If I Can Turn It All Around, So Can You!. Brought to you by The Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. Seriously though, that really is the title of the book. I can only assume Dina’s will be titled Life Struggles with Dina “I’m Not A Regular Mom I’m A Cool Mom” Lohan.

This has to be embarrassing for Lindsay, but then again, if Lindsay isn’t going to do any work on paying off her insane debts, somebody’s got to make money somehow. Ha, just kidding, these books aren’t going to sell.

Do you think either book is going to be popular? Is there anything they could say that we don’t know already? And how do you feel about Lindsay stuck in all of this?

Lindsay Lohan Is A Big Sister Again!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

From TMZ:

Big day for Michael Lohan … his daughter escaped jail … and his fiancee just gave birth to a BOUNCING BABY BOY!!!

While Lindsay was sweatin’ it out in court, Kate Major went into labor at a Florida hospital.

We’re told Kate gave birth to a son — Landon Major Lohan — at 11:39 AM PT.

The baby weighed in at 19 3/4 inches, 7 lbs 5 oz … and is already wanted in 3 states (kidding!).

We’re told Michael was with Kate the entire time … and even cut the umbilical cord.

A rep for the family tells us baby, Michael and Kate are all doing great.

Congratulations, everybody! And by “congratulations,” of course I mean “someone please get that poor darling baby as far away from all these people as possible.” Michael Lohan probably didn’t need to be raising any kids in the first place, but I feel like now that his crazy asshole tendencies have really set in, this kid is in even more trouble than he would have been if he was part of the original Lohan brood. I mean, in a few years this kid can Google his dad and read all about the time that he kicked his mom in the vagina. That just has bad news written all over it.