This is what Jessica Biel wore (on purpose) to Wednesday’s premiere of Total Recall. I just don’t even know what to say about it. I saw this picture, decided to show it to you guys, then wrote the headline and the first sentence, and then I screwed around on the rest of the internet for an hour because I just couldn’t figure out what to say. I really meant it when I said that she’s hopeless. Just look at her dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, and makeup, and then let me know if there’s a chance that she could possibly change her silly ways. You can’t, and if you can, then you’re a liar. SORRY.
If you need more proof of Jessica’s hopelessness, let’s simply turn to her Twitter account. Her new movie, Total Recall, if you didn’t know, is a remake of an Arnold Scwarzenegger movie. Got that? Now here’s the kind of shit that she’s been tweeting leading up to the premiere:
Just did my best Ahnold impression w/ a quote from Twins. “I’m sowwy I ruined your shirt Vincent!” Gotta love junkets!! #TotalRecall
Look, it’s not that I hate Jessica Biel or think she’s a bad person or anything, because I really don’t. I think she’s probably perfectly sweet, and there’s no denying that she’s absolutely gorgeous. But she’s just so … simple. Like, I’m really happy for her that she’s so pretty, because I can’t imagine how she’d be able to make it otherwise.
But what do you guys think?
I think you summed it up pretty well. And I think I want her shoulders and arms!
I love the dress, it’s really pretty, but it’s not her style, and she doesn’t look good or at ease in it, plus it looks awful with that necklace, those shoes, and that hair. Emma Stone would’ve looked so much better in it, or Scarlett Johansson, or Eva Mendes, or Rosario Dawson. In short, no the Biel.
Well,um hello there Mrs.Jessica Biel,& um how is everything going,well,um I hope that you & Sir.Justin Timberlake are doing fine,& um my name is Ike Nash,& I am a very gorgeous,handsome & very fun-loving kid,& I am 29 years old,plus I came from the caribbean from the island of St.Vincent & The Grenadines,but now I live in Toronto,in the country of Canada,& I like you a whole bunch,& I wrote you an idea of mine of what I think should be,your next new fun-loving romantic comedy film,it is a movie script/screenplay,& the name of it is called Love Is Everything,& it is an idea of mine of what I think should be your next new film,& the story/theme of this film should be based upon this:
One very nice afternoon,after you(Mrs.Jessica Biel),arrived at your home from,your job,which was in a downtown office building,you received a very nice telephone call,from a very good friend of yours,& it was Sir.Justin Timberlake,so on the telephone,he invited you(Sexy Mrs.Jessica Biel),to attend a very huge & awesome pool party,in the city downtown,so then,you(Sexy Mrs.Jessica Biel),accepted Justin Timberlake’s,invitation that he offered to you,to attend the pool party,& told him that you were gonna be there,with a few couple of your other friends,so then the day came for the pool party,& you(Sexy Mrs.Jessica Biel),arrived at the party,feeling very happy,& also looking very gorgeous as well,& some of your friends attended the party,with you,so at the pool party Sir.Justin Timberlake,introduced you(Mrs.Jessica Biel),to a few couple of his friends,& then you all became very awesome friends,& then as the time went by at the party,Justin Timberlake became more & more in love with you(Sexy Mrs.Jessica Biel),then he asked you if he can have your hands in marriage,so then you(Sexy Mrs.Jessica Biel),accepted his proposal,to marry ya,& then in the ending of this movie,you Mrs.Jessica Biel plus Justin Timberlake,became more happier & successful,then you both lived happily ever after.
The End
That… that was beautiful! *tear*
Hey Emily, I just saw photos of her from July 28th looking awesome… can you be fair and share those as well as these silly photos?