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10Jessica Biel’s Twitter Account Is So Boring

A photo of Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel only got her Twitter account a few days ago, but she’s already managed to bore me to tears. There were actual tears coming out of my eyes while I was reading through the pointless things she had to say, and whether or not those tears were from boredom or from frustration at my kitten not letting me sleep last night* is up for debate.

I tried to figure out why I hated Jessica’s tweets so much, and it took me a minute. At first I was like “they’re just tweets, whatever, don’t worry about them,” but then I thought no, tons of celebrities have very entertaining Twitters, so there aren’t any excuses for it. Then I thought that I hated her Twitter account so much because I really don’t care for Jessica herself, but that wasn’t quite it either. That’s when I realized that all these stupid observations and just the utter lameness that emanates from the tweets remind me of my least favorite aunt. Maybe that’s why I don’t like Jessica Biel in the first place.

Oh, but hey, here are some of her tweets. You can judge for yourself how much you hate them:

I can’t zip up my dress. Welcome to my world!

NYC from a chopper. Yeah i said it. Chopper.

#UseTittiesinAMovieTitle Titty Titty Bang Bang. Boom.

#UseTittiesinAMovieTitle Big Trouble in Little Titties

#UseTittiesinAMovieTitle….Punch Drunk Titties….this is fun.

Check out NPR’s On Being podcast. Endlessly interesting.

Oops! I meant APM’s On Being podcast. Still getting used to this twitter thing…

See what I mean?  And ok, sure, I’ve played the “use ‘titties’ in a movie title” game before, and of course it’s fun, but that’s it.  The rest of it just blows my mind with how boring and useless it is, much like Jessica Biel herself**.

*Does anyone have any tips? Is there any possible way to get my kitten to not meow incessantly when I’m not with him?

**I know, I know, I don’t mean it.  I’m just so tired, you guys.  And also I hate Jessica Biel.

May 11, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Jessica Biel

10 Responses to “Jessica Biel’s Twitter Account Is So Boring

  1. Harriet Meadow says:

    This is why I don’t have a Twitter.

  2. Jennifer says:

    I can’t stand her either. I think the only way I will ever find her or her twitter account interesting is if she “accidentally” tweets some naked Justin pictures. ;)

  3. Tara says:

    The kitten thing, take a tshirt that you wore all day and put it where he likes to sleep. It will smell like you and should be comforting. If he is really little you may need to get one of those stuffed animals with the ticker inside of it to mimic a heartbeat.

  4. Willow says:

    I don’t know anything either but I like this site now because of this post. First time being here. Yes that does seem boring. I keep trying to have a twitter account but it never sticks.

  5. Rose says:

    why do you hate on people so much? like come on you dont even know them

  6. ygbkm says:

    Let the kitten sleep with you! Loneliness is Kryptonite to kittens; they’re not meant to be alone at that age. He’s scared and bored and sad when you lock him up.

  7. Angelia says:

    My kitty was maybe three or four days old when I found her and mewed constantly. I put a pair of my fleece pajama pants and a few small stuffed animals in the box where she slept. The box started out right next to my bed and then every few days or so I would scoot it a little farther away. I sleep with my bedroom door open so she knows she can come in if she wants but she doesn’t meow if she can’t see me anymore.

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