Jessica Biel only got her Twitter account a few days ago, but she’s already managed to bore me to tears. There were actual tears coming out of my eyes while I was reading through the pointless things she had to say, and whether or not those tears were from boredom or from frustration at my kitten not letting me sleep last night* is up for debate.
I tried to figure out why I hated Jessica’s tweets so much, and it took me a minute. At first I was like “they’re just tweets, whatever, don’t worry about them,” but then I thought no, tons of celebrities have very entertaining Twitters, so there aren’t any excuses for it. Then I thought that I hated her Twitter account so much because I really don’t care for Jessica herself, but that wasn’t quite it either. That’s when I realized that all these stupid observations and just the utter lameness that emanates from the tweets remind me of my least favorite aunt. Maybe that’s why I don’t like Jessica Biel in the first place.
Oh, but hey, here are some of her tweets. You can judge for yourself how much you hate them:
I can’t zip up my dress. Welcome to my world!
NYC from a chopper. Yeah i said it. Chopper.
#UseTittiesinAMovieTitle Titty Titty Bang Bang. Boom.
#UseTittiesinAMovieTitle Big Trouble in Little Titties
#UseTittiesinAMovieTitle….Punch Drunk Titties….this is fun.
Check out NPR’s On Being podcast. Endlessly interesting.
Oops! I meant APM’s On Being podcast. Still getting used to this twitter thing…
See what I mean? And ok, sure, I’ve played the “use ‘titties’ in a movie title” game before, and of course it’s fun, but that’s it. The rest of it just blows my mind with how boring and useless it is, much like Jessica Biel herself**.
*Does anyone have any tips? Is there any possible way to get my kitten to not meow incessantly when I’m not with him?
**I know, I know, I don’t mean it. I’m just so tired, you guys. And also I hate Jessica Biel.