Bwahahahah! What, you actually thought that I meant Eddie and LeAnn were going to have a baby? And ruin that fine-ass figure? Hell-to-the-no! Eddie wouldn’t touch that snatch with a ten-foot pole if it got all stretched out and gummy because some dumb fetus might have to pass through on its way out to the world. And a c-section? God, what’s worse? A ripped up birth canal, or having to look at a nasty scar each and every time you tried to get your rocks off? There’s just no good choices there.
No, the third party I’m talking about is LeAnn’s friend, Lizzy, who was being molested by LeAnn in all of these photos, much to the sheer enjoyment of Eddie and some dude.
And also, I checked LeAnn’s Twitter account today to see if she had made some kind of statement about how she doesn’t condone lesbianism and only has eyes for her douchebag husband, but I didn’t find anything. Actually, no, that’s not entirely correct – the only things I found were a bunch of auto-generated Virgo horoscopes and … and, well, she changed her handle to ‘LeAnn Rimes Cibrian’. Now, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t follow LeAnn on Twitter (you can follow us too, you know), because I do, so I’m the first to admit that I had not yet seen that she changed her last name via addendum. LeAnn Rimes Cibrian? My goodness. Someone’s trying awfully hard, now, aren’t they? How long has this been going on, anyhow?
But back to the faux-lesbianism. Come on. Does she really think this is the ticket? Is poor LeAnn that deluded that she’s willing to do absolutely anything in her power to keep her ill-gotten gains? And is Eddie actually enjoying this? And if not, what more can LeAnn do to ensure that the fires of their marriage don’t peter out? Because nothing says, “I love you forever, baby” like stimulating your husband’s desire for girl-on-girl action once he starts getting bored with just you and your crap implants.