You know, you (and by ‘you’, I mean ‘I’) can say all you like about LeAnn Rimes and her weird marriage and ever-shrinking frame and but one thing you cannot say is that she can’t sing. While I think Jennifer Hudson did a nice job this past weekend at the Grammys performing Whitney’s song, I think LeAnn’s version here was kind of … I don’t know, better in some ways (with the exception when she broke down; that was just sad).

Also, here’s LeAnn performing ‘I Have Nothing’ at the same tribute, a song I remember belting out in my bedroom when I was a young teen, caught up in the hype of The Bodyguard:

And you’re right. That one’s not nearly as good as the first, and not anywhere as good as the original, which is here:

Sad. I know. The whole thing makes me sad, too. Where was Kevin Costner this time around, huh? Rumor Fix claims that he sent flowers to the family:

Kevin Costner has reached out to the late singer’s family in the hours following her passing. RumorFix has learned exclusively that Costner has already sent a floral arrangement to Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina.

Such a shame, no matter how you count it all.

So is it me, or is LeAnn looking, like, super tweaked lately? I mean, you know how sometimes couples are together for a long, long time and they eventually start sort of resembling one another? It seems like that’s happening here, what with LeAnn‘s crazy, tightly-squinted eyes that IS her husband’s trademark. Thing is, though, that LeAnn’s apparently going ahead and just trying to make that happen, because they haven’t been together for that long, long time, though I’m sure that LeAnn probably wants us all to think so. The thing is, girlfriend’s only twenty-nine years old. That’s way too young to be looking like you’re hanging on with both hands to the Botox train Kim Kardashian.

No, I don’t think it’s vanity – I think that LeAnn’s gone and done something to the sensitive area around her eyes so that people say, “Oh, that LeAnn and that Eddie. Such soulmates. They’re so in love that they’re starting to look alike.” And isn’t that just, you know. Healthy. And not at all obsessive.

I don’t have much in the way of comments about your outfit or your teeny-tiny figure, LeAnn, because I’m afraid it’s probably all been said before, but the face? Either stop making it or, of course, lay off the injections. Neither’s doing you any justice and frankly, Eddie’s just not that attractive, girl.

Last, when I think about the changes you’ve undergone in the past few years to get your man and keep him there, I frankly get sick. Everyone remembers what LeAnn looked like when she first started cavorting with him behind his wife’s (and her husband’s!) back, and the difference is shocking. Ready? Before:

Aaaaand … after:

Alright, alright. This is just too good. One more time, then, OK? Before!:

And of course, after:

LeAnn was also a guest on Chelsea Handler’s show this past week, where she admitted to being formerly “fat” if you can believe it:

“I was a baby [before Eddie]. You’ve known me since I was 13. I was fat. Baby fat… and then, I grew up. I’m about to hit 30 this year. I heard it’s all downhill from there.”

Stable, right? I rest my case.

Before you start asking, yes, this is real life. This picture was not Photoshopped, and Kim Kardashian and LeAnn Rimes really hung out together. At church. Because they go to the same church. Because this is a crazy, f*cked up world.

From E!:

On Sunday, the duo attended Life Change Community Church service in Agoura Hills, Calif.

Kardashian, 31, and Rimes, 29, are also both fans of Brad Johnson, the church’s esteemed pastor…

But the E! reality icon and the hit-making country star weren’t the only ones singing from the hymn book. Kourtney Kardashian, Mason Disick and Kris Jenner joined Kim at the service, and Rimes’ hubby Eddie Cibrianjoined her for worship.

“Great seeing you and the fam,” LeAnn tweeted to Kim. “See you soon! Xoxo”

Kim, who described her churchgoing Sunday as the “perfect day,” echoed Rimes’ enthusiasm. “You too babe!” she replied. “See you soon! Xoxo”

In addition to going to church together, these two lovable girls also had lunch together on Friday.

Where do I even go with this one? Am I supposed to be able to imagine a world where the likes of Kim Kardashian and LeAnn Rimes, two of the biggest famewhores out there, team up to take over the world? Where Kim and LeAnn tweet each other constantly, and make horrible fashion choices together and get accused of homewrecking together and practice deep-throating together? Because I can’t do that. My mind simply cannot take it.

How do you guys feel on this one? Is this a match made in heaven, or is it just too much for this world to handle?

Image courtesy of E!

I know, I was just as surprised as you probably were. And you know what? As weird as it is to say, this news makes me happy. I mean, girlfriend eats. I’m not saying that she does anything crazy like keeps it down or anything, but going for the high-calorie stuff like hotdogs and bread and mustard. Wow. Color me impressed. These photos were taken at this past weekend’s Dallas Mavericks basketball game, where other people of note (like Khloe Kardashian) were in attendance. LeAnn, if you were unaware, is a Mississippi native who moved to Texas at age six, and she likes to head home as frequently as possible (in between skimpy-bikini’d beach trips, of course) to support her hometown-ish team. GO MAVS.

But this hot dog thing! I just can’t get past it! Maybe it’s got something to do with the recent rumors that Eddie likes his wimminz skinny as a Wendy’s Hamburgers straw and maybe she finally let that business stop bothering her for a second and went and got herself pregnant, damned be the weight-gain consequences, but either way: I’m prouder than a mother goose, and I just can’t contain my happiness.

Or my hunger. See, I saw these photos of LeAnn housing that hot dog and all I wanted from that moment on was – you guessed it – a hot dog on a hearty bun, slathered with ketchup and mustard and peppered with delicious minced onions. I would have even gone as far as to actually mince those onions, but when I got that hot dog cooking and put it on the kaiser roll that I substituted for a bun, because who keeps hot dog buns in their house in January, I couldn’t resist. Open mouth, insert hot dog, f-ck the onions and the time it takes to mince them and sprinkle them. And that hot dog was so good that I went back for a second hot dog, and it was just as glorious as the first. Mm-mm, hot dogs.

Granted, after those two hot dogs, I probably won’t be able to eat another thing for the next two days, but … wait. Epiphany. Wait a second. OK. Maybe that was LeAnn’s entire ploy with this whole thing. Maybe that’s where she was going with all of this hot dog-housing business. And guys, that is intelligence on another level.

Damn, LeAnn. I bow to your industriousness.

From In Touch Weekly:

As LeAnn Rimes’ one-year wedding anniversary with husband Eddie Cibrian approaches, she is eager to give him the best gift ever – a baby. In fact, LeAnn wants to have a child with Eddie – who has two sons, Mason and Jake, with ex-wife Brandi Glanville – more than anything in the world.

But LeAnn is already struggling to overcome a major roadblack: “She doesn’t want to gain the weight!” a source reveals to In Touch. The reason? A size 0, LeAnn is afraid that when she gets pregnant, Eddie will be turned off be her bloated body. In fact, says the source, LeAnn heard that Eddie stopped having sex with Brandi when she was expecting both Mason and Jake.

“Eddie loves petite girls – the thinner the better,” says the source. But LeAnn knows she won’t be able to maintain her skeletal figure while pregnant. “She fears that Eddie will stray or stop having sex with her if she gains any baby weight.”

Now, she’s having second thoughts, the source says, “LeAnn is truly torn over this.” In fact, she’s so desperate to come up with a solution, she’s even looking using a surrogate mother, the source says.

The dilemma is driving her crazy, and friends think she is making a huge mistake by putting her looks before her desire to start a family.

“Everyone knows how hard LeAnn worked for her body,” says the source. “But it would be really selfish and a shame if she lets that prevent her from becoming a mom.”

OK, so this is probably going to be the first – and last – time that I’ll ever defend LeAnn Rimes for being … well, LeAnn Rimes. I mean, how often can you see things like this, and like this, and like this, and not be completely jaded and annoyed by the antics of a woman who lives to seek attention?

This whole business of being afraid to get pregnant (when it’s so obviously what she wants) because she doesn’t want to turn her douchebag husband off, though? That’s just not healthy, guys. And yeah, I realize that it’s generally LeAnn’s problem that she’s not exactly the picture of positive self-esteem and self-worth, but come on. If this is true, and she genuinely feels that critical of herself, then it’s that f-cktard Eddie‘s place to help his wife grow and learn and appreciate herself for who she is, whether she’s a size f-cking zero or not. Ugh. Brandi Glanville, much as she grosses me out, too, completely lucked out when this loser walked out of her life. I mean, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Eddie Cibrian, you’re a complete and utter SCUZ. I hope your penis gets leprosy and falls off. Into a vat of molten battery acid. After you impregnate LeAnn, that is.

So I think I’ve finally figured out why LeAnn Rimes does nothing but tromp around in a barely-there bikinis that expose 99% of her unclothed body. It’s because anytime she actually wears something of substance, she ends up swimming in it, and she can’t afford the uber-high-end clothing that equally-teeny-tiny international supermodels like Karlie Kloss can. So what happens? Well, in a word, she ends up looking like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, just a whole hell of a lot thinner and with slightly better hair. And with those major tits, can’t forget that part.

But the getup, right. That’s what this is supposed to be all about, really, so let’s talk about it. I positively adore the sweater. It’s orange, it’s long-sleeved, it’s a cardigan, which might be my most favorite article of clothing of all time next to sweats, and it looks like it’s made from a really great-feeling fabric. Probably some kind of cheap poly blend that works both lounging around the house with sweats and even out in public, as long as it’s paired with the right dress or shirt. Good call on the fashion versatility, there, LeAnn. Crafty.

The dress … eh, I guess it’s so-so; I like the pattern and the color, but the fabric looks awfully scratchy and the neckline, racer-back, and close-to-the-collarbone cropped shoulder straps are pretty bad. Especially when you can see it all right through the cheap (albeit comfy) sheath sweater. The hat looks great with the entire ensemble, and the bag (though it’s brown) really caps off the entire look. The shoes pretty much almost ruin the entire thing, and a nice pair of yellow leather flats (to match the wallet) would probably have looked way better.

All in all, I’d say put on a few pounds, LeAnn, so that your hips are at least as wide as your big old gunshell tits, lose the make-you-look-gawky gladiator platforms, and you’re probably in business. Now if you could stop resembling your squint-faced, equine husband and start making some more music, you could be on a really great track.

It’s not like I’m going to hold my breath or anything, though.