Did you guys know that these two asshats renewed their wedding vows on their one-year anniversary? Because they did. And while it might be cute for another couple to do it on their one-year anniversary (say, a couple like Michelle Williams and Jason Segel), it’s not all that cute, because we’re talking about Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes here. The thing is, this was one of LeAnn’s TwitPics. Do you know what kind of TwitPics girlfriend normally sends out? Because it’s these. It’s always these, with Eddie and kissy-faces and LURVE and big teeth … I could go on and on, really.

I don’t know. I just can’t look at this anymore. I’m going to head over to our friends at Celebslam, where they’ve compiled the Hottest Twitpics of April. I will park myself there for the remainder of the evening. At least there I can look at people like Miranda Kerr. And you should, too.

I should have known that LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian would be the kind of couple to renew their vows every single year. I guess I just didn’t think about it, because of course LeAnn would want the extra attention. I believe she was fond of renewing her vows with her old husband, Dean Sheremet, as well, and I’m sure she’ll enjoy renewing her vows with the husband she takes after Eddie, too. She’s a romantic!

From E! Online:

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrianare still celebrating their first wedding anniversary…one week later.

The duo, who commemorated their first official year together as husband and wife with a weekend getaway to Calabasas, Calif., last week, continued the festivities Friday when they said their I-dos once more.

“Renewed our vows today….it’s incredible to thank each other for the past year as husband and wife,” Rimes tweeted Friday. “Here’s to another great year!”

The couple, who wed April 22 of last year, spent more time relaxing near the ocean this weekend, with Rimes tweeting Thursday, “CHILLING….listening to Radiohead and enjoying the view…man and beach :).”

Saturday, the Twitter-loving country singer shared more details with followers, writing, “Eddie and I went climbing on the rocks in the ocean yesterday to see the thousands of crabs. I did not realize til now just how dab I kicked a rock with two of my toes…OUCH.”

Prior to Rimes and Cibrian’s vow renewal, the couple surprised each other with anniversary gifts, with Rimes gifting Cibrian with a new watch, and Cibrian surprising his wife with a huge ring.

That huge ring, by the way:

Sure.

But this is kind of sweet, right? Maybe a little? I think a couple renewing their wedding vows can be really sweet and special. Take Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, for instance, who renew their wedding vows every year (their last ceremony was on Friday too!). I think it’s clear that they truly love each other, and I think it’s lovely that they celebrate that every year. But then again, Heidi Klum and Seal were also known for doing the same thing, and look what happened to them. There always seems to be some suspicions about couples who feel the need to have a ceremony every single year, and I don’t know if I agree with that. However, I definitely wouldn’t bet on LeAnn and Eddie being in it for the long haul.

But what do you think?

Bwahahahah! What, you actually thought that I meant Eddie and LeAnn were going to have a baby? And ruin that fine-ass figure? Hell-to-the-no! Eddie wouldn’t touch that snatch with a ten-foot pole if it got all stretched out and gummy because some dumb fetus might have to pass through on its way out to the world. And a c-section? God, what’s worse? A ripped up birth canal, or having to look at a nasty scar each and every time you tried to get your rocks off? There’s just no good choices there.

No, the third party I’m talking about is LeAnn’s friend, Lizzy, who was being molested by LeAnn in all of these photos, much to the sheer enjoyment of Eddie and some dude.

And also, I checked LeAnn’s Twitter account today to see if she had made some kind of statement about how she doesn’t condone lesbianism and only has eyes for her douchebag husband, but I didn’t find anything. Actually, no, that’s not entirely correct – the only things I found were a bunch of auto-generated Virgo horoscopes and … and, well, she changed her handle to ‘LeAnn Rimes Cibrian’. Now, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t follow LeAnn on Twitter (you can follow us too, you know), because I do, so I’m the first to admit that I had not yet seen that she changed her last name via addendum. LeAnn Rimes Cibrian? My goodness. Someone’s trying awfully hard, now, aren’t they? How long has this been going on, anyhow?

But back to the faux-lesbianism. Come on. Does she really think this is the ticket? Is poor LeAnn that deluded that she’s willing to do absolutely anything in her power to keep her ill-gotten gains? And is Eddie actually enjoying this? And if not, what more can LeAnn do to ensure that the fires of their marriage don’t peter out? Because nothing says, “I love you forever, baby” like stimulating your husband’s desire for girl-on-girl action once he starts getting bored with just you and your crap implants.

Jeez.

From In Touch Weekly:

As LeAnn Rimes’ one-year wedding anniversary with husband Eddie Cibrian approaches, she is eager to give him the best gift ever – a baby. In fact, LeAnn wants to have a child with Eddie – who has two sons, Mason and Jake, with ex-wife Brandi Glanville – more than anything in the world.

But LeAnn is already struggling to overcome a major roadblack: “She doesn’t want to gain the weight!” a source reveals to In Touch. The reason? A size 0, LeAnn is afraid that when she gets pregnant, Eddie will be turned off be her bloated body. In fact, says the source, LeAnn heard that Eddie stopped having sex with Brandi when she was expecting both Mason and Jake.

“Eddie loves petite girls – the thinner the better,” says the source. But LeAnn knows she won’t be able to maintain her skeletal figure while pregnant. “She fears that Eddie will stray or stop having sex with her if she gains any baby weight.”

Now, she’s having second thoughts, the source says, “LeAnn is truly torn over this.” In fact, she’s so desperate to come up with a solution, she’s even looking using a surrogate mother, the source says.

The dilemma is driving her crazy, and friends think she is making a huge mistake by putting her looks before her desire to start a family.

“Everyone knows how hard LeAnn worked for her body,” says the source. “But it would be really selfish and a shame if she lets that prevent her from becoming a mom.”

OK, so this is probably going to be the first – and last – time that I’ll ever defend LeAnn Rimes for being … well, LeAnn Rimes. I mean, how often can you see things like this, and like this, and like this, and not be completely jaded and annoyed by the antics of a woman who lives to seek attention?

This whole business of being afraid to get pregnant (when it’s so obviously what she wants) because she doesn’t want to turn her douchebag husband off, though? That’s just not healthy, guys. And yeah, I realize that it’s generally LeAnn’s problem that she’s not exactly the picture of positive self-esteem and self-worth, but come on. If this is true, and she genuinely feels that critical of herself, then it’s that f-cktard Eddie‘s place to help his wife grow and learn and appreciate herself for who she is, whether she’s a size f-cking zero or not. Ugh. Brandi Glanville, much as she grosses me out, too, completely lucked out when this loser walked out of her life. I mean, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Eddie Cibrian, you’re a complete and utter SCUZ. I hope your penis gets leprosy and falls off. Into a vat of molten battery acid. After you impregnate LeAnn, that is.

Hey! Here’s LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian doing what they do best – posing for the camera, showing off various parts of spine and boob canyons, and frolicking around in resort wear like they’ve got no business doing anything else. Like working.

Who knows. Maybe this is The Big Christmas Lead-In. Maybe this year’s Christmas cards will depict Eddie and LeAnn fornicating in front of a flickering fire. There could be worse things, you know. I’m not sure what just yet, but I’m sure there’s got to be something. … Right?

Eddie, or as I lovingly dub him, “Squints McDong,” has landed a role in his First Real Movie, and by that I mean “a movie that wasn’t made for television, namely Lifetime.” The film also cast other stars like Thandie Newton, Gabrielle Union, Phylicia Rashad, Rebecca Romjin, Jamie Kennedy, and, of course, Tyler Perry, who also wrote the film. Perry claims that the film is about “… an affluent man [who] develops complicating feelings for a single mom [right before his wedding].”

LeAnn must be so STOKED! She probably celebrated by eating a quarter-bowl of Frosted Flakes with 2% milk! The splurge! The indulgence! The irony!

Congrats, Eddie! See what cheating on your snotty Real Housewives wife with a floundering country star will do for your career? YOU GO BOY!