Hi again! I just took a nap, a shower, then talked on the phone with my best friend for like an hour. I haven’t talked to her in forever, and she makes me laugh harder than anyone on the planet, and I’m feeling better now. Still pretty icky, but my spirits are much higher. It is so hard to be trapped in the house alone for so many days. She and I have been best friends since we were little kids, and it’s so funny how we can go without really talking for so long and then, when we do talk, she still knows exactly how to cheer me up. I think we talked for a full hour about different ways we’d made asses of ourselves while drunk. I will not be documenting most of these stories in print, but I will share one of hers that she told me. I will be referring to her as Alice, which is not her real name. :)
Apparently at the start of her freshman year in college, her dorm had a mandatory meeting on, like, a Saturday evening or something. Alice showed up wasted. It was supposed to be a relatively short meeting, and everyone was looking forward to going out for the night, but Alice decided she wanted to (drunkenly) discuss the issue of how they weren’t allowed to have toasters in the dorms. “All I eat every meal is Eggo waffles with peanut butter and chocolate chips!” she said. “If I don’t have a toaster, I will surely die.” The RAs were like, “Um, no toasters,” and Alice was like, “I don’t understand this! We’re allowed to have hair straighteners. Those would do the same thing to an Eggo as a toaster. Why can’t I have a toaster??? DO YOU WANT ME TO TOAST MY EGGO WITH A HAIR STRAIGHTENER??” and she continued on like this for a full hour, while everyone was desperately wanting to leave the meeting. She said she had some trouble making friends after that, but eventually people came around. She never did get her toaster. But I just can’t get the mental image of Alice toasting an Eggo waffle with a hair straightener out of my head. I’m still laughing about it as I type this.
I guess the whole point of this is that, if the cops could make drug and alcohol arrests based on photos, everybody I know with a Facebook page would currently be in jail. We all would have been arrested in college. EVERY DAY.
As such, Phelpsy is safe, after authorities spent the GIGANTIC SURPLUS OF MONEY IN THIS ECONOMY investigating a stupid picture of him sucking on a huge glass … uh … tobacco pipe.
Says the Richland Country Sheriff: “Having thoroughly investigated this matter, we do not believe we have enough evidence to prosecute anyone that was present at the November party.”
OF COURSE YOU DON’T. You people are idiots, and this matter never should have been pursued in the first place. What a horrible use of tax-payer money.
Phelpsy again issued an apology: “I’m glad this matter is put to rest. But there are also some important lessons that I’ve learned. For me, it’s all about recognizing that I used bad judgment and it’s a mistake I won’t make again. For young people especially – be careful about the decisions you make. One bad decision can really hurt you and the people you care about.”
I am certain that the 23-year-old global superstar will never again smoke pot out of a ginormous bong … on camera.
That is the most attractive Phelps has ever looked- more hair is better for him. Never had waffles with PB and chocolate chips but it sounds delicious and I have all three in the house! And a toaster:)
As a Columbia SC resident, I would like to say that Leon Lotts and Richland Co. are a bunch of ass clowns. Wasting taxpayers money is only part of why they should be hanging their heads. However, Phelps should from now on just go in the bathroom to hit that thing…oh, and the guy that took the picture? He should get his ass beat everyday until the end of the school year.
This senior at my school just got kicked out last week because he had a barbecue at his house- where alcohol was served- and apparently photos of it showed up on Facebook… pretty lame.
i love him! wanna know why? he’s taller than me :)
Too long a post to read but I just have to say, he’s all kinds of ugly. Another site had a close-up picture of him and the left side (his left) of his jaw/gums has a really weird indent, messed up shape. Like there’s inbreeding in his family or something.
I bet he’s a mouth breather.
It’s worth the read though.
If you smoke weed and can swim like that, you are an amazing athlete. Any time I would smoke weed, the most activity we’d do was order in pizza and play video games.
OMG OMG OMG LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER NOW MANIC MANIC MANIC
Not to spoil your day or anything.. but he was also at the party to see some chick he was secretly seeing..which is also the reason he doesnt want to public to get on his back.