Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Michael Keaton plays Batman, Beetlejuice on ‘SNL’

michael keaton SNL

If you think Saturday Night Live is well past its sell-by date, you’re not alone. It’s just… not very good anymore, but I doubt it’ll go off the air anytime soon, so we might as well get used to it. Every once in a while it has its highlights, anyway – like when Michael Keaton hosted this past weekend and (sorta) played Batman and Beetlejuice again during his opening monologue.

Considering we should soon be getting a Beetlejuice 2 (well, it’s in the works, anyway), this is pretty timely, I guess. Although… when isn’t Beetlejuice timely, really?

In any case, I honestly thought the Scientology sketch was much funnier and probably the best part of the episode:

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‘Furious 7′ is killin’ it at the box office

furious 7

I’ll admit it – I haven’t actually seen any of the Fast & Furious movies. Well, I’ve kinda seen part of one of them (no idea which one), but it was on in the background and I was distracted with something else, so I couldn’t tell you what happened other than Vin Diesel speeding down a dirt road trying to get someone who I think, if I remember right, was Jordana Brewster or Michelle Rodriguez off the back of a speeding train. Somehow, I feel like that one scene probably accurately sums up the entire series, but I’m probably wrong. People LOVE this shit – to the point that Furious 7, the latest installment in the franchise, brought in a whopping $143.6 million in North America alone during its opening weekend, as Variety reports.

That establishes a new high-water mark for the month of April, blowing past the $95 million debut of “Captain America: The Winter Soldier,” and standing as the highest-grossing kickoff for any film in the “Fast and Furious” franchise. It also ranks ninth among the top 10 openings in history.

It’s also the highest opening since The Hunger Games: Catching Fire back in 2013, which is pretty impressive. Chances are people turned up to see this largely because it was Paul Walker‘s final on-screen appearance, so the whole thing was a bit of a memorial for him.

So shoot straight with me – have any of you seen Furious 7 and does it live up to the hype? Are you a fan of the series at large?

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Gwyneth Paltrow bought a sex store

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow is getting on the property ladder and has scooped up the legendary Hustler Hollywood store on the Sunset Strip. But don’t get too excited – Goop isn’t loosening up a bit to get closer to the “common woman”. She’s actually going to tear the whole thing down and redevelop it as a rich person’s club. As you do.

From TMZ:

Our real estate sources say Gwynnie and business partner Gary Landesberg scored the property from porn lord Larry Flynt.

Their plan is to build the Arts Clubs similar to the one in London and Aspen. The Club is Soho-esque, with a fancy restaurant (Zuma, one of the best in London), a nightclub/lounge, and artsy stuff like poetry readings and various events. The club prohibits swearing. You can’t bet inside, but you can plan backgammon, but only if there are no stakes. Of course, there’s a strict dress code.

The club is pricey … $2K to join the London franchise and $2k a year. The Sunset Strip club promises to be way more expensive.

Landesberg is the chairman and principal shareholder of the clubs. Gwyneth is an investor and a board member.

As for the Hustler, they’re slipping into a new spot close to the Kodak Theater.

Well, nothing says “I’m just like all of you!” than an expensive private club in the middle of Hollywood. Good going! Of course, this whole operation will make her even more money than she already has. I always wonder about celebrity greed. Does being filthy fucking rich automatically make you want ALL THE MONEY EVER CREATED? Is enough ever enough? It certainly doesn’t seem like it.

Beyonce releases ‘Die With You’ on Jay-Z’s TIDAL music service

beyonce

Jay Z‘s TIDAL – basically a try-hard chic version of Spotify – was unveiled earlier this month with a ridiculous business model and an even more ridiculous membership fee (about 4x that of Spotify). It’s clearly going to fail, but for now, Beyonce is trying to keep her man’s venture afloat by releasing ~exclusive~ material ONLY through TIDAL. Get your credit cards ready if you want to hear the entirety of ‘Die With You’.

Bey released the first teaser of the track on Facebook, directing everyone to head to TIDAL to buy it. Will you take the bait?

Die With You. Watch the full video on TIDAL.com

Posted by Beyoncé on Saturday, 4 April 2015

I’ve never been so wishy-washy over an artist in my life. Sometimes I absolutely love Beyonce and think she’s an absolute queen. Then she oversaturates the world with her presence and I need her to go the hell away for a long ass time to give us a break from her bullshit. It’s a difficult thing to reconcile, but just FYI, I’m in the “go away for a long time” phase at the moment.

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Don’t worry, Kaley Cuoco isn’t getting divorced (yet)

kaley cuoco ryan sweeting

Apparently rumours have been flying around that Kaley Cuoco and husband Ryan Sweeting are not so… sweet on each other and are getting a divorce. I hadn’t heard these rumours, likely because I never hear anything about Kaley Cuoco, but there we are. Kaley herself had heard them, of course (Google alert of her own name set up, I imagine), and decided to confront the haters head on… on Instagram.


Whew, well that’s a relief. I still give it another year or so – and that’s generous, really – but who knows. Maybe this is true love that’ll last forever!

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Nick Cannon is writing a tell-all book about his marriage to Mariah Carey

mariah carey nick cannon

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey split up last year, and it hasn’t necessarily been amicable. Nick’s been trying to siphon money out of Mariah any way he can, Mariah wants no part of his fuckery and the whole thing is a mess. But since Nick isn’t really banking it as the host of the ridiculous America’s Got Talent and Mariah’s not loosening her purse strings, he’s had to come up with another way to bring home the bacon, and that apparently means writing a tell-all about their marriage.

From The Daily Mail:

Mariah Carey rejected Nick Cannon’s numerous demands for a $30 million divorce settlement, so he is now writing a tell-all book about the secrets of their marriage. Daily Mail writes, “He plans to get his payday for being married to her one way or another.”

“Mariah was willing to give Nick $10 million but he said ‘hell no’ and demanded $30,” said a family friend. But Nick insists he deserves more, even though the two signed a prenuptial agreement.

Nick has already signed a deal with major publishing company Simon and Schuster.

“Nick says he is going to tell the world about Mariah’s drug use, her strange eating habits, psychosis, what she has said about other artists, her sexual proclivities and her parenting skills. It which will really be hurtful,” the insider continued. “And Nick is also going to explain why he thinks he should have full custody of the twins. Mariah has admitted she never wanted children and Nick is going to tell the world why she felt that way. (lies!) If Nick was not willing to spill all of their nasty and salacious secrets he would not have gotten a book deal. So obviously, Simon and Schuster feel this is going to be a blockbuster and they signed him up.”

Keep it classy, Nick Cannon. Nothing says dignity like trying to cash in while simultaneously trying to embarrass the person you once claimed to love. Not to mention he’s trying to make a case for why he should have custody of the twins when… he’s the one being publicly quite nasty about their split. A man like that should NOT be raising children, and I feel bad for those kids because they’ll have to grow up with a scumbag father who was intent on taking down their mother. What a piece of shit.

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Best and Worst Celebrity Looks of the Week!

Rihanna goes Oscar The Grouch chic!

Rihanna goes Oscar The Grouch chic!

Well, we had a bit of a break, but we’re back now with Best and Worst Celebrity Looks of the Week! How has everybody been? Ready to get back to checking out celeb outfits? Ready to see a full-length photo of Rihanna‘s wacky outfit? Excellent, let’s get started.

Simply go through the photos and make your picks for who has the BESTWORST, and most WTF look of the week! 

 

kelly-clarkson

Kelly Clarkson also went green. It’s a cute enough outfit, but I feel like maybe there’s too much going on? Too many details.

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