Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Mary-Kate Olsen

The Olsen Twins Would Like to Sell You A Backpack

A photo of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Christmas is coming up quick, you guys. In just a few short weeks, it’ll be time to hang out with your loved ones and sing fun songs and eat baked goods and be happy. Doesn’t that just sound lovely? I think so. But even though that is, really and truly, my very favorite thing about Christmas, there’s no denying that presents are going to be given, and presents are going to be received. You can’t control what presents you receive (ugh, so lame!), but you can write a very pointed list to give to your mom or your significant other or your crazy rich aunt or whoever. And I’m about to tell you the very first thing that you’re going to put on this list.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen designed a backpack, friends! I know, Olsen twin fashion is always exciting, especially when you can get it for yourself. So without making you wait any longer, I’m going to show you this work of art, all right? Here we go:

What you are seeing is a backpack “created out of black patent leather from Nile crocodiles.” It’s a collaboration between Mary Kate and Ashley’s label, The Row, and artist Damien Hirst. This one is adorned with prescription pills (probably not real, sorry), but you can get ones that are just plain black, or ones with polka dots. There are only 12 of these lovelies available, and for just $55,000, one of them can be yours!

So start writing those wishlists! First, obviously, would be this $55,000 backpack (the pill one is my fave!). Then second could be an iPad or a house or whatever. Then for the third thing, you could probably just write “a clue.”

It’s going to be a great Christmas!

It’s Time to Be Creeped Out by Mary-Kate Olsen And Her Boyfriend

A photo of Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy

Ugh, this is just the creepiest. Just look at that picture. Mary-Kate looks terrified. And why does he always grab on her head? What’s that about? He looks like a creepy sorcerer trying to do some creepy magic on some kid he kidnapped and took back to his tower.

Now look at this picture:

A photo of Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy

Still with the grabbing of the head. Can anyone explain that?

One more:

A photo of Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy

That’s Mary-Kate’s “ha ha, I love it when you squeeze my head, ha ha, someone please receive this cry for help via text” face.

I don’t care about the age difference between these two. That’s whatever. She’s a 26-year-old woman, she can date whoever she wants. What I care about is the fact that my skin is literally crawling after looking at this photo. My skin is physically squirming to get off of my body so that it doesn’t have to be an organ that assists my eyes in looking at this creepy awful mess. Literally.

This is the House That Mary-Kate Olsen and Her Old Man Bought

photo of mary-kate olsen and olivier sarkozy pictures
Yesterday, Emily mentioned to you guys that Mary-Kate Olsen and her could-almost-be-her-father boyfriend (who is the brother of former French President Nicolas Sarkozy) Olivier Sarkozy are in the process of moving into a new home they purchased together, so apparently, things are getting serious. And we have pictures of the house, which is absolutely beautiful. I’m talking beautiful—it’s right up my alley, personally, and I cringe to know that I *might* have something else in common with Mary-Kate Olsen besides our shared birthday of June 13th.

Here’s the details on the house, which is 146 years old (or ten years shy of Olivier and Mary-Kate’s combined age):

Sarkozy is buying it because he and Olsen “like that it is old,” a real estate insider told The Post’s Jennifer Gould Keil. The 4,200-square-foot home, built the year Abraham Lincoln took office, was designed by architect James Renwick Jr., best-known for St. Patrick’s Cathedral and the Smithsonian. Sarkozy paid the full asking price for the five-story house with nine fireplaces, a Juliet balcony in front and a large rear garden. The townhouse is in the St. Mark’s historic district, but the couple can gut the inside so long as they keep the façade intact. It isn’t clear how much renovation they plan to do, although the plumbing and kitchen need to be completely updated. Listing broker Jason Haber, CEO of Rubicon Property, declined to comment.

So, it sounds pretty righteous, yeah? 4,200 square feet, old as hell, fireplaces which you know are genuine wood-burning and not those fake-ass propane ones, and a garden, too. A garden! It’s a perfect little hidey-hole for a mini-elf and her giant boyfriend to play hidey-hole while squeaking “Fe! Fi! Fo! Fum! Where’d that giant stick his thumb?” all the while.