I’m getting to the point in this life where instead of automatically thinking Full House or ‘You killed Heath Ledger you bitch,’ I think ‘NYC hobos’ whenever I see Mary Kate and Ashley. And not even, like, well-dressed hobos. The ones that you see on bum fights, which is totally not cool. I am not an advocate of bum fights, and I think filming it and jamming it on YouTube is a really fucking awful thing to do, but I’d love to see these two little mini-hobos duking it out in a back alley of New York City. One would be all like, ‘You stole my boyfriend, bitch,’ and the other would say, ‘I didn’t steal him, he just THOUGHT I WAS YOU, and I WAS DRUNK,’ and then they’d fight about who has a lesser tolerance for alcohol and a higher tolerance for cocaine and pills, and the shit about the boyfriend would start all over again.
Anyway, MK and Ashley were interviewed by Vogue, of course, on their twin habits and what life’s been like since they stopped churning out all of those budget Miley Cyrus movies like Here We Have Two Similar-Looking Girls and They’re Going to Go On Vacation and Do Zany Things But Have Good Clean Fun While They Do So or whatever they’re called, and whatever else involves being twins and fashion designers for something other than Walmart clothing lines.
Mary-Kate on being so close: “Some of our memories are shared. We don’t know what actually happened to whom. One of us was stung by a bee, but we can’t remember who, because we both felt it.” (Um, maybe you just BOTH got stung? Bee stings aren’t, you know, all that uncommon these days.)
Ashley on not having formal training to design fashions: “Fair question, but Dualstar started when we were six. And we had a collection with Walmart at twelve, which was the upper tier of the tween market. It was before celebrity designers. And we were really designing it. It would be jeans, a bit bohemian, or with a little blazer. It was really fashion-forward.”
On being in the public eye: “The press here in New York respect you more. It was the worst in Los Angeles when we got our license. They would follow us. They knew where we lived. And you don’t know who these people are. People just out of jail.”
On being young and stalked: “We are paranoid,” Mary-Kate states, glancing out the window. But isn’t that not paranoia, because what you’re imagining is what’s happening? “Well,” she responds, “we have no way to tell the difference.”
Ashley on the clothes-sharing that you just KNOW is happening: “There’s hers, there’s mine. And a huge ‘maybe’ pile.”
OK, so what we appear to have here is a couple of well-adjusted (?) child stars that emerged successfully from child- and teen-stardom and transitioned nicely into adulthood. And you know what? Given child star history and statistics, that’s probably the creepiest thing about these two.