Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Khloe Kardashian

Khloe Kardashian Smelled Kourtney and Kim’s Vaginas… For Science?

kourtney kim khloe

I can’t even believe I’m writing about this, but Sunday night on Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, the Kardashian sisters got into some serious shit when they decided to become scientists and perform their own experiment. Khloe hears that drinking pineapple juice makes your vagina taste sweet and reports this to Prego and Braindead. That’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t keep Kim and Kourtney from trying it, rubbing themselves all over napkins and then having Khloe sniffing those same napkins to put it to the test. Just… gag me. Khloe has no shame about this whole thing either, saying (and I quote), “We’re sisters, if I can’t smell their pusses, what else are we supposed to do?

Uh, I can come up with a very long list of things. How about starting a book club or going on a hike? You could also learn how to knit, watch the entire series of Arrested Development on Netflix, take a nap, “write” your memoirs, bake a cake… are you getting my point here? In no time does “smelling one another’s private parts” come into play. What the hell is wrong with these people? I’m disappointed in Khloe in particular. She was my favourite – now I can’t even look at her without wanting to vomit, so I guess I’m on the same page as the rest of the world, now.

You can watch the full episode – if you want to lose your appetite for the rest of the day, that is – below:

Khloe Kardashian Doth Protest Too Much, Insists Her Sex Life With Lamar Odom Is Great

TGIF, guys! Let’s get the bullshit out of the way first, shall we?

Now, I am of the opinion that no one needs to know about a couple’s sex life (or their respective genitals) besides the people in the couple, but Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom must have missed that memo, because they just won’t shut the hell up about how much they enjoy a bit of the ol’ rumpy pumpy with each other.

From US Weekly:

Are Khloe and Lamar headed for splitsville? No way! In the new issue of Us Weekly, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom put to rest false reports of major marital strife in their three-year marriage.

“Yes, we bicker,” Khloe, 28, conceded to Us in a recent joint interview. “but we make sure to never go to bed angry.” Added L.A. Clippers forward Odom, 33: “This girl is going to make you talk it out! Trust me!”

In the extended sit-down with Us, Kim and Kourtney’s sister and Odom reveal how they’ve worked out some of their more difficult disagreements, how they find time amid their busy schedules — and how things are going, ahem, in the bedroom.

“We love each other so much,” Odom says. “And sex is fun!” adds Kardashian. “Sex is great,” Odom clarifies. “It’s on a high level. It’s intense!”

Listen, I like Khlomar as much as I like, say, mustard – it’s not all that great, but at least it’s not mayonnaise (Kimye), you know? But I have to say, I love how these idiots state plain and simple relationship facts as if they’re some sort of secret epiphany that only they have figured out. Newsflash, dipshits: every couple bickers over little things when they spend 24/7 together, any couple that doesn’t communicate well and often (er, “talk it out”) will probably break up and sex is great, duh, when it’s with someone you love – which presumably they do, since they’re married and all. I assume they haven’t yet had the moment of clarity when they realise that’s not enough to save their relationship if it’s shit otherwise, though. I’m sure when it does hit them, though, they’ll hit 1 on their speed dial and get back in touch with US Weekly.

Kylie and Kendal Jenner Don’t Want to Be Kardashians

Kylie and Kendall Jenner are already nearly as insufferable as their older sisters, probably because Kris Jenner put them out on the ho stroll a few years earlier than Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. However, while they love their siblings (I guess?), they aren’t krazy about being part of the Kardashian Klan and are quite happy being Bruce Jenner’s daughters, thanks very much.

From Glamour:

Glamour: We have to ask: Do you ever think about the fact that your last name isn’t Kardashian?
Kendall: We’re full-throttle Jenners! We don’t have any desire to be Kardashians.
Kylie: All that matters is that we’re a family.

I wonder what it means to be “full-throttle Jenner” – it sounds sort of mysterious and slightly illegal. The girls also discussed what life in the spotlight is like, and while they realise the endless parade of reality shows they’ve appeared in have given them a lot of what they have, it’s not always such a good thing:

Glamour: Your family leads such a public life. Is that a good thing?
Kylie: Our family is closer because of the show. And when we are older, we’ ll have the memories on tape. If some of those moments hadn’t been filmed, I wouldn’t remember them!
Kendall: We appreciate everything that we have, but we don’t remember what it’s like to be normal kids who aren’t harassed by the paparazzi. I hate that. We’re underage girls. I don’t want to be followed by random men I don’t know. It can also be hard to deal with other kids who are jealous or mean. I can’t post a picture on Instagram without being criticized.
Kylie: No one really knows what we are like. People read about us on Twitter, but they don’t know what we do all day long. We don’t really have privacy, but we have an aspect that people don’t know about.

Yeah, I’m sure the water runs deep there, ladies. Get those Mensa applications filled out, stat.

Khloe Kardashian’s Vagina Smells Like Roses

Everyone knows that Khloe is the best Kardashian, right? She’s the most “normal”, the least idiotic and in my opinion, the prettiest. Sure, her X Factor USA hosting gig is a bit of a disaster, but that’s the show’s fault, not dear Koko’s.  The entire Kardashian family (including the Jenner side of the bunch) has a penchant for oversharing, but Khloe took that shit to the next level during a new interview with HuffPost Live, in which she was asked about the scent of her nether region:

“Is your vagina supposed to smell? Because mine smells like roses!”

What a gal! However, I don’t think it’s meant to smell like roses, either – sounds like a recipe for a not-so-nice infection, if you ask me. Khloe also claimed that “a good p*ss can control any man”, which maybe is true for her since she and Lamar have been married for several years after only knowing each other for about six weeks before tying the knot. Still, my inner prude sort of clucked her tongue at this and went a little flush at hearing such tawdry talk. Is nothing sacred? You know, besides the “good p*ss”, apparently.

Watch Khloe’s bedroom talk below:

Flashback: Kardashians Circa 2008

photo of kim kardashian kourtney khloe 2008 pictures
This photo was one of the first shoots that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe collaborated on, and it’s somewhere around five years old. While the girls look “pretty” and all, there’s one thing that I feel compelled to point out—these three chicks have some big-ass heads. They are some melons, aren’t they? It’s not even just the bouffant hair—it’s the whole damn dome, guys. The Kardashians have big heads, and while I’m not making fun of them (because I’ve been told that *I* have a big head), I’m definitely pointing out its evidence in this picture. Because it’s there. For sure.

Incidentally? In related Kim Kardashian news? She was voted Worst Dressed (along with Nicki Minaj) on the Huffington Post’s Worst Dressed Celebrities list, and gosh. Can we go ahead and credit Kanye for that? Because while she never really had the greatest fashion sense in the world, it’s definitely gone downhill since she started f-cking with Kanye West.

Congratulations on that, Kim. And Kanye—hats off to you, too, I guess, huh?

Look, It’s The Kardashian Kristmas Kard!

A photo of the Kardashian family Christmas card

Because we all know that it’s not Christmastime until we see how the Kardashians and the Jenners decided to come together for their annual Christmas card.

There’s a couple of interesting things here, I guess. Obviously, Kanye isn’t there, which is extremely upsetting, and also surprising. Don’t they realize how much more press they would get with this is he was on there? There’s not any trouble in Kimye paradise, is there? Heaven forbid Kim lose the latest love of her life, especially when she’s still married to her last one. Can you even imagine?

I guess the only other interesting thing is how much people care about these cards every year. When I was trying to find the best version of this photo, I found dozens and dozens of other blogs and news sites that already got the tip last night, and I don’t get it. And you know I’m not trying to do a big “why do people care about celebrities?” thing, or even a “why do people care about the Kardashians?” thing. People care about them because it’s fun to gossip, duh. But I don’t get why people care so much about these Christmas cards specifically. Is it just so we can speculate about Kim’s love life? Or to see what Bruce Jenner‘s face is up to? Because I can understand that. But otherwise, what’s the appeal?

It’s not Kim’s stupid greased back hair, that’s for sure.

Quotables: Khloe Kardashian Talks Body Image

photo of khloe kardashian pictures

I tried to cut out a lot of sweets. And I love … cheese. [Cheese] is not a sweet, but …. I don’t care. [I like] cheese on anything, I don’t care. … [I] binge eat and cry. … It’s always going to be a lifelong thing for me. And I’m not where I want to be. When I used to do things like crash diets or things too fast, it never stuck because it wasn’t a lifestyle change, so for this, I’m working out consistently like three to five days a week … It’s been harder. But I’m just changing my diet slowly.

Khloe Kardashian on her relationship with food and dieting, God love her. I seriously wonder if she feels the way she feels about herself and her body because she worries what people think about her and her body, or if it’s really something that bothers her on a deeper level. Because while I’m not all on board with people destroying themselves through substances (whether it be drugs, alcohol, or edibles), I AM on board with people doing whatever the f-ck they want with their bodies as long as it’s not harming anyone else. I mean, seriously. What’s so wrong with having a few extra pounds? Why’s it such a big deal when people love food? Why does there have to be anything wrong with the person who loves nothing more than to sit down to watch Monday Night Football with a cornucopia of stuff to graze on, having it make them happy?

Seriously, are there not much, much worse things in life than people who derive serious joy from food?