Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Khloe Kardashian

Russell Brand Loses It for Good, Jokes About Wanting a Kardashian Foursome

russell brand kardashians

Russell Brand might be a generally cool dude, but he’s also a f-cking weirdo who says some bizarre shit sometimes that makes me wonder what in the hell he was thinking, if he was indeed thinking anything at all. His latest foray into nonsense included joking about wanting a foursome with the Kardashians three – Kim, Kourtney and Khloe – and yes, that’s in spite of Kim being heavily pregnant (which seems to be even more of a turn on).

While guest hosting Chelsea Lately, the Kardashians interviewed Brand, during which he said (via DigitalSpy):

“I’m vulnerable to the concept of a KKK threesome,” Brand quipped, leading Khloe to say to the pregnant Kim: “Well, I heard pregnant p***y is the best p***y.”

The comedian went on to say: “I think pregnant women are radiant and beautiful and the idea of lactation is an interesting one.”

Brand went on to tease that his sexual experience with the Kardashian siblings would entail a “limitless, foaming river of milk and orgasm”.

Uh… I don’t consider myself to be easily grossed out, but that gave me shivers, and not in a good way. I mean, “the idea of lactation is an interesting one”?? Whatever floats your boat, bro, but keep it to yourself.

The Kardashian Sisters Might Sue Over This Offensive Indian Car Ad

kardashians ford ad

I’m no defender of the Kardashian sisters three – Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. However, I am a defender of basic human rights, especially when it comes to women, and Indian advertising company JWT took shit to the next level when they released an ad for the new Ford Figo which featured the reality stars bound and gagged in the car’s trunk as Paris Hilton winks and smirks from the front seat. Uh, okay.

The tagline for the ad – which features another not-meant-to-be-released incarnation that’s just offensive: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi with similarly bound and gagged strippers in the trunk – is ‘Leave Your Worries Behind’, which makes zero sense. Basically JWT is asserting that anyone who could be causing you trouble (or seen as competition, I assume, in the Kardashian ad case?) can be handled by tying them up, gagging them and storing them in the trunk of your new Ford car. Have I got it about right? Okay, well, one more question, then: What the fuck?

Ford has offered an apology on JWT’s behalf and the ad agency’s parent company swore that the images were uploaded to the internet without their knowledge or permission, but it still begs the question of WHY THEY WERE EVER MADE AT ALL. But whatever, I guess common sense isn’t an inherent trait in all humans. In any case, the Kardashians aren’t taking this lying down and are considering suing over this whole thing.

From Yahoo! OMG:

“The ‘leave your worries behind’ Ford ads are disgusting, vile and offensive to all women,” a Kardashian attorney told “omg! Insider.” “It is unacceptable that Ford would align itself with an ad agency that would so carelessly release these ads. The Kardashians do not take this lightly and they are exploring all of their legal options.”

Fair enough. It’s not like they need the money and more often than not they’re doing this more from a “damaging the Kardashian brand” stance rather than a feminist and, you know, basic human being one, but whatever.

Khloe Kardashian Isn’t Sexing It With The Game, She’s Just His Workout Buddy

khloe kardashian game rob kardashian

Alright, I don’t even know what the hell is going on with this story. Khloe Kardashian was rumoured to be having an affair with rapper The Game earlier this week after the two were photographed in the same place. Now, we all know two things, here. One, Khloe is sprung off b-ball husband Lamar Odom and two, The Game is ugly as hell. I know, I know, that’s rude, but you know I’m right. Not that someone has to be super physically attractive to kick game (pun totally intended), but yknow. Tattoos on the face are a no-no.

Anyway, I don’t know how this rumour even took off – it’s like saying I’m dating this couch cos my ass is planted on it all afternoon. The press likes to make stories out of nothing, but The Game ain’t having it and decided to clear this whole thing up with TMZ:

The Game says, “The pictures that they see of us out together are because she is a part of my 60DaysofFitness team.”

The Game adds, “Khloe is my friend. She is like a sister. We have never and will never be sleeping together. Lamar is my homie and her husband and I wish people wouldn’t spread such false rumors.”

I’m not sure what’s sweeter – that Khloe is part of The Game’s workout group or that he even has one to begin with. Also, word to the wise: fitness is a lifestyle change, not a 60 day undertaking. #healthfacts (I’m so tired today, guys.)

Khloe Kardashian Smelled Kourtney and Kim’s Vaginas… For Science?

kourtney kim khloe

I can’t even believe I’m writing about this, but Sunday night on Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, the Kardashian sisters got into some serious shit when they decided to become scientists and perform their own experiment. Khloe hears that drinking pineapple juice makes your vagina taste sweet and reports this to Prego and Braindead. That’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t keep Kim and Kourtney from trying it, rubbing themselves all over napkins and then having Khloe sniffing those same napkins to put it to the test. Just… gag me. Khloe has no shame about this whole thing either, saying (and I quote), “We’re sisters, if I can’t smell their pusses, what else are we supposed to do?

Uh, I can come up with a very long list of things. How about starting a book club or going on a hike? You could also learn how to knit, watch the entire series of Arrested Development on Netflix, take a nap, “write” your memoirs, bake a cake… are you getting my point here? In no time does “smelling one another’s private parts” come into play. What the hell is wrong with these people? I’m disappointed in Khloe in particular. She was my favourite – now I can’t even look at her without wanting to vomit, so I guess I’m on the same page as the rest of the world, now.

You can watch the full episode – if you want to lose your appetite for the rest of the day, that is – below:

Khloe Kardashian Doth Protest Too Much, Insists Her Sex Life With Lamar Odom Is Great

TGIF, guys! Let’s get the bullshit out of the way first, shall we?

Now, I am of the opinion that no one needs to know about a couple’s sex life (or their respective genitals) besides the people in the couple, but Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom must have missed that memo, because they just won’t shut the hell up about how much they enjoy a bit of the ol’ rumpy pumpy with each other.

From US Weekly:

Are Khloe and Lamar headed for splitsville? No way! In the new issue of Us Weekly, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom put to rest false reports of major marital strife in their three-year marriage.

“Yes, we bicker,” Khloe, 28, conceded to Us in a recent joint interview. “but we make sure to never go to bed angry.” Added L.A. Clippers forward Odom, 33: “This girl is going to make you talk it out! Trust me!”

In the extended sit-down with Us, Kim and Kourtney’s sister and Odom reveal how they’ve worked out some of their more difficult disagreements, how they find time amid their busy schedules — and how things are going, ahem, in the bedroom.

“We love each other so much,” Odom says. “And sex is fun!” adds Kardashian. “Sex is great,” Odom clarifies. “It’s on a high level. It’s intense!”

Listen, I like Khlomar as much as I like, say, mustard – it’s not all that great, but at least it’s not mayonnaise (Kimye), you know? But I have to say, I love how these idiots state plain and simple relationship facts as if they’re some sort of secret epiphany that only they have figured out. Newsflash, dipshits: every couple bickers over little things when they spend 24/7 together, any couple that doesn’t communicate well and often (er, “talk it out”) will probably break up and sex is great, duh, when it’s with someone you love – which presumably they do, since they’re married and all. I assume they haven’t yet had the moment of clarity when they realise that’s not enough to save their relationship if it’s shit otherwise, though. I’m sure when it does hit them, though, they’ll hit 1 on their speed dial and get back in touch with US Weekly.

Kylie and Kendal Jenner Don’t Want to Be Kardashians

Kylie and Kendall Jenner are already nearly as insufferable as their older sisters, probably because Kris Jenner put them out on the ho stroll a few years earlier than Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. However, while they love their siblings (I guess?), they aren’t krazy about being part of the Kardashian Klan and are quite happy being Bruce Jenner’s daughters, thanks very much.

From Glamour:

Glamour: We have to ask: Do you ever think about the fact that your last name isn’t Kardashian?
Kendall: We’re full-throttle Jenners! We don’t have any desire to be Kardashians.
Kylie: All that matters is that we’re a family.

I wonder what it means to be “full-throttle Jenner” – it sounds sort of mysterious and slightly illegal. The girls also discussed what life in the spotlight is like, and while they realise the endless parade of reality shows they’ve appeared in have given them a lot of what they have, it’s not always such a good thing:

Glamour: Your family leads such a public life. Is that a good thing?
Kylie: Our family is closer because of the show. And when we are older, we’ ll have the memories on tape. If some of those moments hadn’t been filmed, I wouldn’t remember them!
Kendall: We appreciate everything that we have, but we don’t remember what it’s like to be normal kids who aren’t harassed by the paparazzi. I hate that. We’re underage girls. I don’t want to be followed by random men I don’t know. It can also be hard to deal with other kids who are jealous or mean. I can’t post a picture on Instagram without being criticized.
Kylie: No one really knows what we are like. People read about us on Twitter, but they don’t know what we do all day long. We don’t really have privacy, but we have an aspect that people don’t know about.

Yeah, I’m sure the water runs deep there, ladies. Get those Mensa applications filled out, stat.

Khloe Kardashian’s Vagina Smells Like Roses

Everyone knows that Khloe is the best Kardashian, right? She’s the most “normal”, the least idiotic and in my opinion, the prettiest. Sure, her X Factor USA hosting gig is a bit of a disaster, but that’s the show’s fault, not dear Koko’s.  The entire Kardashian family (including the Jenner side of the bunch) has a penchant for oversharing, but Khloe took that shit to the next level during a new interview with HuffPost Live, in which she was asked about the scent of her nether region:

“Is your vagina supposed to smell? Because mine smells like roses!”

What a gal! However, I don’t think it’s meant to smell like roses, either – sounds like a recipe for a not-so-nice infection, if you ask me. Khloe also claimed that “a good p*ss can control any man”, which maybe is true for her since she and Lamar have been married for several years after only knowing each other for about six weeks before tying the knot. Still, my inner prude sort of clucked her tongue at this and went a little flush at hearing such tawdry talk. Is nothing sacred? You know, besides the “good p*ss”, apparently.

Watch Khloe’s bedroom talk below: