The latest victim in a string of ‘who’s your daddy’-related humor pertaining to the contents of January Jones’s uterus is husband of supermodel Claudia Schiffer, Matthew Vaughn. E! Online broke the story, which I’ve so graciously copied and pasted here, but don’t bother trying the link – E! pulled the story off their site earlier this morning.

Acording to multiple knowledgeable X-Men sources, Vaughn and Schiffer “abruptly” left town at roughly the same time Jones made her surprise baby announcement in April, even though the couple was tentatively scheduled to stay on through May.

[Additionally, Matthew was a no-show at the premiere of his own movie] in New York yesterday— but January [and] other cast members [were there].

His rep [claims] Matthew could not attend the New York screening because of a “severe” case of tonsillitis. Miraculously, though, Mr. Vaughn still seemed quite the chatty Cathy for X-Men interviews on the same day. His health seemed to be in tip-top shape.  Multiple sources from the set insist Jones and Vaughn were “very close” throughout shooting.

I don’t think the story had been live on the site for fifteen minutes when Matt’s camp made a statement vehemently denying that he’d ever been involved with Jones.  That statement, added as an update to the original E! story is gone now, too.  Fishy.

Anyway, on to more important speculation: I don’t know what’s more surprising – the fact that this guy’s got such a crack legal team that gets shit pulled from major network websites within hours, or the fact that a guy would cheat on his wife with a chick that looks almost EXACTLY LIKE HIS WIFE, just … less talented. I mean, at least invite her to the party so that whole ‘twin’ fantasy can be recognized, you know? Jeez.

So January Jones is just about the most flawless looking pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. Just gonna cut to that part of this whole post ASAP, because I truly don’t understand why the dude who put that kid in her isn’t making announcements like, “EXCUSE ME, EARTH! EXCUSE ME, I GOT THAT HOT CHICK FROM MAD MEN PREGNANT!”

For those of you who have no idea what’s going on: January’s pregnant and no one knows who the dad is. Some people are saying it’s a dude from Saturday Night Live, others are saying it’s the director of X-Men and honestly? It’s not really any of our business, but it’s fun to try and guess who put their you-know-what in her you-know-what and made a kid.

Either way, chick’s bangin’.

“If I remember correctly, she and I were very rude to each other [the first time we met]. It was crazy. I was at a party — I’d never met her — and she was like, ‘Come sit down.’ So I sit at her table and talk for 10 minutes, and she goes, ‘I think it’s time for you to leave now.’ So I say, ‘January, you are an actress in a show and everybody’s going to forget about you in a few years, so fucking be nice,’ and I got up and left.”

Zach Galifianakis on what it was like meeting uber-bitch January Jones for the first time. You know, the more I hear about this guy, the more I like him. The more he comes across as a totally likable person.  I mean, anyone who’d throw The Self-Proclaimed Goddess, January Jones, under the bus is OK in my book.  And it’s not because I’m, you know, bitter about this alleged man-stealing twat or anything.

On Friday, we learned that January Jones is pregnant (we also learned that Prince Harry is a prince of unrivaled beauty, but that’s neither here nor there).  There are a lot of questions as to who the father is, but based on some recent statements by Jason Sudeikis, hilarious cast member of Saturday Night Live and January’s boy toy from July of last year to this past January, I think the mystery has been solved:

When I asked if he had any comment on the recent news about Jones, who split with Sudeikis back in January, he said, “I’d rather — yes but no.”

Was he surprised to find out she was pregnant?

“No, I —,” then he paused and stammed. “No, I didn’t have anything [else to say].” He stammered some more and that was the extent of our conversation on the subject. Sudeikis seemed comfortable being asked about the situation, just unwilling to say too much.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but in my experience, any time a dude stops and stutters and stumbles all over his words, it’s like “get the fuck out, fella.”  Especially a guy like Jason, who’s pretty solid with being funny at the drop of a hat, you know? Like, it should have been way easy for him to toss out a quick, witty answer if he was asked about some girl he dated for a few months and her fetus, but it wasn’t.  And that’s why he’s the one who knocked up January Jones.

If you haven’t heard by now, wading through the news of the Royal Wedding and their Royal Wedded Bliss, Mad Men‘s January Jones is with child. My first thoughts, seriously, when I heard this news? That this unborn child better not be the offspring of my boyfriend, Adrien Brody. I mean, remember back when it was rumored that Adrien had some kind of obvious lapse in judgment and allegedly hooked up with Jones? She’s been on the DL with her dating, or in this case, as she’s professing to be a ‘pregnant single mom,’ fucking, so the dad really could be anyone, but she’s remaining tight-lipped as to who her baby daddy is. I wonder if she knows. Hell, I wonder if whoever HE is knows.

Uh, congrats. Just don’t let me find out that daddy dearest is Adrien Brody, or I’m going to snit the fuck out.

You want to hear something crazy? I’ve never seen a single episode of Mad Men. I know, I know, bizarre, right? The show seems right up my alley — kitschy, retro production design, fabulous wardrobes, ‘manly’ men, the goddess Christina Hendricks (oh, and my once-nemesis, January Jones), and yeah. Never saw it.  Knowing me, I’ll probably get into it in the last season it airs or something, because that’s usually how I roll.  I’m a big fan of Kiefer Sutherland and 24, but I didn’t even watch that show until it was in its second-to-last season. But hey. I guess everyone’s got their flaws, right?  I totally make up for it in other ways, thanks.

Anyway, Jon Hamm, who is also known as Don Draper in Mad Men, was photographed yesterday afternoon in LA looking, dare I say it, absolutely fuckable.

Anyway, yup Jon Hamm. Thanks for making my morning totally hot. Happy Friday!