This is what Jessica Biel wore (on purpose) to Wednesday’s premiere of Total Recall. I just don’t even know what to say about it. I saw this picture, decided to show it to you guys, then wrote the headline and the first sentence, and then I screwed around on the rest of the internet for an hour because I just couldn’t figure out what to say. I really meant it when I said that she’s hopeless. Just look at her dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, and makeup, and then let me know if there’s a chance that she could possibly change her silly ways. You can’t, and if you can, then you’re a liar. SORRY.
If you need more proof of Jessica’s hopelessness, let’s simply turn to her Twitter account. Her new movie, Total Recall, if you didn’t know, is a remake of an Arnold Scwarzenegger movie. Got that? Now here’s the kind of shit that she’s been tweeting leading up to the premiere:
Just did my best Ahnold impression w/ a quote from Twins. “I’m sowwy I ruined your shirt Vincent!” Gotta love junkets!! #TotalRecall
Look, it’s not that I hate Jessica Biel or think she’s a bad person or anything, because I really don’t. I think she’s probably perfectly sweet, and there’s no denying that she’s absolutely gorgeous. But she’s just so … simple. Like, I’m really happy for her that she’s so pretty, because I can’t imagine how she’d be able to make it otherwise.
But what do you guys think?