Ok, we’ve got a little bit of catching up to do, ready? In the past couple of days, there’s been this story about Lindsay Lohan paying a porn star named Voodoo to have sex with her. It’s a story because Voodoo, who sounds like a super classy dude, did an interview where he said “ask him [Michael Lohan] if he knows about that night I had with his daughter while he was sleeping upstairs.” It’s gross, it’s not entirely unbelievable, but with everything that’s been going on with Lindsay lately, I thought I’d give her a break on this one.
“This delusional moron wishes he had a nanosecond alone with Lindsay!” Michael Lohan charged. “If I ever caught a guy having sex with my daughter in my house I’d be in jail the rest of my life, especially a dirtball porn star. I’m a light sleeper. I would never be asleep while my kids were in the house and awake.
“Another worm crawling out of the woodwork trying to get some publicity. But this time, it’s a person that doesn’t even have respect for himself, never mind Lindsay or anyone else. To begin with, not at ANY time that I was with my family or Lindsay at our home, or anywhere, did I go to sleep before my children did. Or allow any man/male and especially a sleazebag, alone with Lindsay. Can you imagine ME, Michael Lohan, of all fathers, allowing my daughter(s) to be alone with any guy while I was present? Ha ha!
“And if, by chance, a dirtball like Voodoo, snuck in, he wouldn’t have made it out. Last but not least, Lindsay would NEVER stoop to the level of this neophyte. (The lowest form of living organism on earth).
“Sad, very sad. I pity him.”
AHAHAHAHA. Sorry, guys, I had to take a short break to laugh forever. “Another worm crawling out of the woodwork trying to get some publicity, but this time, it’s a person that doesn’t even have respect for himself, never mind Lindsay or anyone else.” I’m sorry, Michael, but were you talking about yourself there? Because it really sounds like you were talking about yourself. When I think of people talking about Lindsay in an attempt to get some publicity, Michael Lohan is always at the top of the list.
Here’s a tip: when you bash someone for talking about Lindsay to get some attention from the media, you’re talking about Lindsay to get some attention from the media.