Today's Evil Beet Gossip


photo of amber heard for max magazine italy pictures cover 2012 pic
I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it one last time: if you emulate, or try to compare your music, your style, or your career (or worst of all, your life) to Marilyn Monroe, you’ve got some awful, deep-seated issues that are just never going to go away, unless you’re Megan Fox and you achieve the clarity that it takes to painfully remove a stupid, ill-considered tattoo of Marilyn Monroe on a visible part of your body. OK?

Here’s the latest Marilyn wannabe: Amber Heard. Who I don’t generally think all that highly of, anyway, but after this business, my ratings are even lower. Sure, I get that most celebrities don’t get to choose the photo shoot theme, but they do get to choose the photo shoots that they participate in. And anyone with a shred of self-worth should know that posing as Marilyn Monroe (unless you’re CAST as Marilyn Monroe in a loose biopic) is going to subject you to intense mental scrutiny and general public mockery.

But alas? Amber Heard. She posed for Max Italy, a magazine where it’s apparently not taboo to parade around looking like a second-rate hooker with a bad dye-job who has a history of mental illness and erratic behaviors. And it’s bad. All of it’s so, so bad.

So please. Just stop. It really makes me want to kill myself every time I have to make fun of some stupid celebrity who thinks that Marilyn Monroe comparisons are flattering and are actually going to help further their career, and I’m far too f-cking happy of a person to feel like I want to kill myself over stupid people that have no identity of their own, alright?