1Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Might Be Back Together, Or Something

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were rumoured to be dating for ages, with some reports even suggesting that they were engaged last November, even though it was never even confirmed that they were anything more than friends to begin with and Amber was still apparently with ex-girlfriend and photographer Tasya Van Ree. Then apparently they split up in January so Amber could get her lady lovin’ on with some French model and now I guess maybe they’re back together again or something? Oh, I don’t even know anymore.

From The Mirror:

One minute they’re on, the next they’re off now they’re getting Stoned together. (Seeing the Rolling Stones perform, that is.)

Film idol Johnny Depp took on/off girlfriend Amber Heard on a date to see his mates Mick Jagger & Co. at their low-key gig at the Echoplex club in LA.

The pair were thought to have split in January when bisexual Amber, 27, left him for a holiday with French model Marie de Villepin.

But on Saturday night at the Stones gig, she looked like she was his (Honky Tonk) woman again (sorry).

April 30, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

20Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are Engaged

So promise not to kill me for this, because I know that I totally despise it when my favorite celebrity gossip blogs write ridiculously misleading headlines, but hear me out here. There’s actually a very good reason for my blatant lie about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard being all engaged and stuff. Here. From Us Magazine:

After arriving at [L.A. club at] 11 p.m., the twosome — who kicked off a romance in late 2011 during their Rum Diary press tour — settled in on the patio, where, a witness says, they sipped nonalcoholic beers sitting side by side.

“They were flirty and engaged,” says the source. And their affection was no act.

Another insider says the actress, 26, “was telling people they were officially together” at a Gucci party October 27. (Depp, 49, and Vanessa Paradis, 39, split in June 2012 after separating in 2010.)

A pal says the Lone Ranger star is serious about the starlet: “They have said ‘I love you.’ ”

So, OK. Now you know where I got this “engaged” business from. It was the first thing I thought when I read the excerpt from Us. And really, it isn’t all that much of a stretch if these two boneheads are already saying “I love you,” now, is it?

And hey, what’s with the non-alcoholic beers? Are there seriously people out there who love the taste of beer so much that they’ll drink it even without the “benefit” of catching a buzz? Because I don’t get that. When I was a younger gal, I “liked” beer, but really, it is as they say—an acquired taste. And just as easily as I acquired it, I disacquired it, and now I can’t stand the taste. It’s similar to weed killer to me (not that I know what weed killer tastes like, but I can just imagine), and honestly, I’d rather a good glass of red (never white) wine.

What are your thoughts on libations? And is beer seriously beer without all of the fermentation and alcohol whatever that normally goes into beer?

November 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah

0Please. Stop. With the MARILYN MONROE KNOCK-OFFS.

I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it one last time: if you emulate, or try to compare your music, your style, or your career (or worst of all, your life) to Marilyn Monroe, you’ve got some awful, deep-seated issues that are just never going to go away, unless you’re Megan Fox and you achieve the clarity that it takes to painfully remove a stupid, ill-considered tattoo of Marilyn Monroe on a visible part of your body. OK?

Here’s the latest Marilyn wannabe: Amber Heard. Who I don’t generally think all that highly of, anyway, but after this business, my ratings are even lower. Sure, I get that most celebrities don’t get to choose the photo shoot theme, but they do get to choose the photo shoots that they participate in. And anyone with a shred of self-worth should know that posing as Marilyn Monroe (unless you’re CAST as Marilyn Monroe in a loose biopic) is going to subject you to intense mental scrutiny and general public mockery.

But alas? Amber Heard. She posed for Max Italy, a magazine where it’s apparently not taboo to parade around looking like a second-rate hooker with a bad dye-job who has a history of mental illness and erratic behaviors. And it’s bad. All of it’s so, so bad.

So please. Just stop. It really makes me want to kill myself every time I have to make fun of some stupid celebrity who thinks that Marilyn Monroe comparisons are flattering and are actually going to help further their career, and I’m far too f-cking happy of a person to feel like I want to kill myself over stupid people that have no identity of their own, alright?

February 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah

8Amber Heard Nudes! Amber Heard Nudes!

I know. You guys probably think I’m obsessed with nude photos of celebrities, but you want to know something? If I am, I’m not the only one. You cannot IMAGINE the search terms that some of our traffic is generated from through Google and what not. It’s unbelievable. And in some cases, unrepeatable, for the sake of going to jail. Some of the things that people Google, and thus, land on our page, is illegal in 48 states. I know this for a fact, and these are your peers, guys. They say there’s a market for everything, and dadgum. They sure were right.

Anyway, here’s a photo of Amber Heard‘s tatas. They’re after the jump, NSFW, and really not all that impressive. But like I’ve always said, I’ll take a half-assed nip shot over no nip shot any day, you feel me?

December 22, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Sarah