[Disclaimer: Before you get mad at me for "taking sides" in any form of voting that will not take place on a reality TV show, please read this.]

We’ve mentioned previously that the Hilton camp can’t be particularly thrilled that they donated money to the McCain campaign, only to see Barack Obama unfavorably compared to Paris in his most recent campaign ad.

Now comes confirmation from a flurry of political blogs.

I hear whispers from the inner campaign staff that the phone was burning off the hook today with calls from Paris Hilton’s grandfather, William Barron Hilton (co-chair of the Hilton Hotel empire), furious that the McCain ad drew an unflattering comparison between Obama and his own granddaughter.

It seems that the elder Hilton has donated $18,400 to the McCain campaign, and $35,000 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee in the last couple of years. (Paris’s father, Rick Hilton, has given an additional $6,900 to the McCain campaign. Suffice it to say, he’s none too pleased either.)

Apparently, the elder Hiltons had breathed a sigh of relief that Paris was starting to get her act together since hitting rock bottom with her stay in jail last year, when all of a sudden the McCain ad compares her unfavorably to Britney Spears and Barack Obama.

I suspect that heads will roll at the McCain headquarters – if not within the staff, then I wouldn’t be surprised if Steve Schmidt starts looking for a new consulting firm for the next round of ads. This is a reminder to my brethren at the Campaign: don’t bite the hand that feeds us.

Paris Hilton isn’t just a tabloid tart to be tossed around willy-nilly. She’s the living brand name of one of America’s most successful global corporations. It’s no wonder her grandfather’s upset: every time Paris is in the news, fewer people stay at their hotels. Try explaining that to The Blackstone Group – the hedge fund firm that bought into Hilton Hotels last year. Blackstone chairman Peter G. Peterson gave $30,800 to the McCain campaign this year. Guess who also called the campaign today?

Do you hear that, America? Paris Hilton may stand for being tossed around willy-nilly, as long as she’s drunk, naked and being filmed by a millionaire playboy, but under any other circumstances it is totally inappropriate.

Britney Spears, however?

You can do whatever you want to her. I mean, what are you gonna do, force Jamie Spears’ catering business into the ground? Oh, right, he already had to quit that to become a full-time parent to his 26-year-old daughter.

Dressing like it’s 1992 will not, in fact, actually make it 1992 again.

It’s 2008, and you married Tom Cruise, and nothing you do can ever change that.

I’m so sorry, sweetheart.

Here’s Katie leaving rehearsals for her Broadway debut in the revival of All My Sons, which is having some trouble selling tickets.

Here’s my theory: Katie spent the night at her secret lover’s penthouse (Eliot Spitzer? Maybe.) and didn’t have clean clothes to wear the next day, so she slipped on a pair of his jeans and decided to act like she’s bringing back an old trend. Smooth, Katie. Very, very smooth. But not smooth enough for me!

[Image via Splash]

Congrats to 25-year-old Heather Matarazzo, who just got engaged to her girlfriend, Carolyn Murphy.

“It was really cute. First Heather proposed to Carolyn, then Carolyn proposed to her,” said Heather’s publicist. She says it was “it was love at first sight” for the twosome, who have been together over a year.

That’s an eternity in Hollywood years!

Congrats to Heather and Carolyn!

Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

No, no. I did not suck a gigantic cock, although I know, at first glance, that is what this picture indicates.

This is a photograph of the pointer finger on my right hand.

And, this morning, while attempting to boil water for tea on the stove, I burned it in the shape of the Bat-Signal!

Do you see?

What do you guys think this means???

(Besides the fact that I should stay the fuck out of the kitchen.)

Heeeee!

A Portland-area theater was changing its marquis from Hancock to The Dark Knight when someone snapped an ill-timed photo.

I don’t think this is Photoshopped, but, frankly, I don’t care if it is. I still love it so very much. Cinemagic, indeed!