Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Justin Bieber Is Being Sued Over Very Serious Matters

A photo of Justin Bieber

Wow. This is just a whole lot of information about our dear Justin Bieber all at once. I’m still in too much shock to accurately describe all of the things that Justin is being sued for, so let me just give you some of the facts from the filed suit that TMZ obtained:

— “Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug.”

— “Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums.”

— “[Bieber] gave selena a std and Bieber stole my credit card to buy him and sean p-ditty [sic] combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones.”

— “Bieber also got a penis enlargement with my stolen american express card. ”

The lawsuit concludes … “I’m an emotional mess … America must boycott biebers music!”

Yeah, did you catch that bit in the first item? This lawsuit was filed by Selena Gomez‘s dad. Can you believe Justin would do all these things to his future father-in-law? I wouldn’t have thought so, but all the details are just so convincing. How could someone make this up? Justin got Selena pregnant on his Canadian bear skin rug, all right? And Usher sodomized him with a firework. This is clearly a loving, devoted father who’s been terrorized by his daughter’s boyfriend. He wouldn’t lie about this stuff.

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