That’s usually what that means, right? When Lindsay Lohan dyes her hair blonde, it reflects the amount of crazy she’s got in her system at that particular given time. When Britney Spears breaks out the pink wig, God help us all – major shit is about to hit the fan, deep-voiced Satan is about to emerge, and cities are going to fall. So what does all of this mean – all of this Justin Gothic Bieber stuff? End of the world? Does it mean that when Justin Bieber goes all dark and stuff, that we’re to expect some pretty colossal, public f-ck-ups in the near future? Because man. Wouldn’t that be just great? I totally thought that the end was near when the Teutonic Torso was naming him as her baby-daddy, but I was really let down there, so I’m praying that this means there’ll be some interesting stuff coming down the pike. Jesus tattoos and all, folks. Just in time for the end of the world.

Or maybe, in a less-interesting fashion, it’s to copy girlfriend Selena Gomez’s new look. She just put a bunch of blue in her already-dark hair the other day. It’s kind of alright, but it’s Selena Gomez. This might be the most scandalous thing she’s ever done, or really, will ever do, might I add.

Nope, I think that if anyone present in this relationship is cut out for insanity and wild antics, it’s Justin. I mean, honestly. Selena’s almost twenty-one and this is definitely the height of her craziness. I mean, for the love of God, blue striped hair? That’s kind of like that one time that Rachel McAdams put pink in her hair. Talk about, like, OMG what a harlot, right?

Look! Someone turned Selena Gomez into Jocelyn Wildenstein!

No, but seriously, those aren’t the two wax figures I’m talking about. At least not Jocelyn Wildenstein, anyway – the wax figures would be Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s newly-unveiled forms at Madam Tussaud’s wax museum, and gorry. Don’t they just suck? Check the others out in the gallery.

What the holy ish is this ish?

Thomas Brodnicki, the guy who stalked starlet Selena Gomez all summer long, was dismissed from court yesterday. Superior Court Judge Edmund Wilcox Clarke Jr. (to quote Herb Welch, “Oh, pick a name“) ruled that the court could not prove Brodnicki’s “intent” to frighten or intimidate Gomez.

Wow, judge! What a triumph for the legal system! If we can make sure that just one innocent man—an innocent man who once stalked a woman out of a Des Plaines convenience store all the way to her college in Iowa, where he continued to stalk her for years—gets to go free, justice has been served!

No one knows whether the temporary restraining order, which requires that Brodnicki maintain a distance of 100 yards from Gomez, will also be dropped.

No, I admit, I am not too sure we need to criminalize the mentally ill, but this just doesn’t seem right, either.

UPDATE: Oh, wow. OK. Earlier today, Brodnicki was taken back into custody, this time for psychiatric evaluation. The LAPD Threat Management Unit hopes to “5150″ Brodnicki—that’s an “involuntary psychiatric hold.” I’d like to believe this was maybe the LAPD’s plan from the start, because this guy needs medical intervention.

I don’t often care too much to solely dedicate a serious post to the likes of Selena Gomez (I mean, she’s dry-humping Justin Bieber – how serious can one take her?), but this time, the floor’s all hers. Just how hot does she look in these photos? And that dress, man. Completely flattering. I’d be all up on it myself if it weren’t for the fact that I’m, like Jess here, in my sixth month and gracefully swelling to soft proportions, too.

Seriously, though, girl, you are infinite levels above Justin Bieber. I mean, yeah, he’s way more talented and has a massive fan base in comparison to your own, but give yourself a little more credit here. You’ve got this. Shoot for the stars.

I know that the Beatles sang a whole song about how you can’t buy love, and everyone’s grandma has always said that money doesn’t buy happiness. But come on, it’s 2011, and no girl is going to be all “whatever” about her boyfriend buying her mountains and mountains of underwears and every single flower in a flower shop. I mean, yeah, yeah, true love and all, but a private screening of Titanic? Sure, I’m in love, can we watch The Little Mermaid next?

All reasoning aside, here’s the question:

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I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “of course Justin Bieber is a great boyfriend! With those foot massages and that good old-fashioned charm, how could he not be?!” And that’s a completely fair thought. You have a good point. But what I’m going to do is recount a recent date of Justin’s with Selena Gomez, and after you’re done swooning, you let me know how much more love you feel for The Biebz, all right?

Ok. Picture this. Justin takes you to this sweet concert: Demi Lovato, natch. And you love it, you have a great time jamming, and as you’re leaving the concert, you think to yourself “how could this night possibly get any better?” Then Justin gently slips his fingers through yours and mischievously whispers “come with me.” You feel a tingle down your spine, but you allow him to lead you to the Staples Center … but for what?

For a private screening of Titanic, that’s for what. Mothereffin’ Titanic. You jealous yet?