So remember how we were talking about Tom Cruise and his weird Scientology wife-auditioning thing that he did a few years back when Katie Holmes won her round-trip ticket to Crazyville? Well Lindsay Lohan‘s throwing her hat into the ring on this one, and making statements in Tom‘s defense (sort of). From Lindsay’s Twitter, in response to that Vanity Fair article:
I just want everyone & @TomCruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related.
ROFLCOPTER! OMG! … And wait. “Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related”? In what world is that good grammar? Forget it.
You know, what Lindsay’s doing here, guys, is trying to make herself appear more relevant than she actually is (surprise, surprise). Because while there were rumors that Lindsay was on Tom’s shortlist a few years ago for bridal material, Scientology sources came out and nixed that, revealing the “official” list, which included Scarlett Johansson, Erica Christensen, Sofia Milos, Jennifer Garner, and Jessica Alba. Please note that the name “Lindsay Lohan” was nowhere on that list, because come on. Even Tom Cruise has f-cking standards, as batshit crazy as he is.
And speaking of standards, Tom wanted the lovely Nazanin Boniadi to get rid of her braces and highlights, so can you just imagine the veritable laundry list that Lindsay Lohan would have to take care of in order to even be considered for general candidacy? Meth, fleas, lesions, and crack teeth, just to name a few, but doubtless there’s a zillion other things the higher-ups in the Church of Scientology could probably whip out and slap Lindsay in the face with like a flaccid penis, desperate for one last hurrah.
All I know is that you’re definitely in a bad way (AHEM TOM CRUISE) when Lindsay Lohan starts throwing your name around the Twitterverse. Sheesh.