Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Watch This: Courtney Stodden’s 18th Birthday Countdown

You know who’s turning eighteen this year? Duh. Courtney Stodden. And you know what’s going to happen when she does turn eighteen (on August 29th)? She’s going to leave this old-ass man in the dust, hook up with Vivid Entertainment, and we’re going to see some of the most intimate sides of Courtney Stodden than we’ve ever seen before (you know, things like the lines in the palms of her hands, her pinky toenail, and maybe even some armpit hair—I mean, we’ve seen everything else already).

In light of Courtney’s official countdown, she’s filming videos chronicling her voyage to the big 1-8, and since she apparently can’t get a real—excuse me, “rill“—reality show, she’s settling for filming her own and posting it on YouTube. The sad part? This video’s been up for an entire DAY, and it’s only gotten just over 3k views.

This particular segment is about Courtney’s sprained foot. Now, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that it’s actually NOT a sprained foot, and might be some kind of Staph or MRSA infection instead, what with the God-knows-what she probably picks up on those cheap Lucite stripper heels she wears everywhere. I think Shauna Sand has the same pair, or hey—maybe it’s that pair. Courtney’s a sucker for used eBay items, you know.

Anyway, she spends literally the first entire minute of the video whining about her foot, and then she calls her mom—who sounds like just as big of an idiot—and complains about her foot. This takes us to the 2:45-ish mark, where Doug enters the picture thus confirming that his career is officially f-cking over thus confirming that his career is officially f-cking over. Courtney appears in panties and a tight tank top and—obviously—complains about her foot. Doug is wearing the standard-issue skullcap that makes me want to punch him in the throat, and he tells her that she should stop wearing the stupid shoes.

This is where it gets good. Or, “good,” rather.

Guys? Courtney Stodden is, like, so embarrassing. And to be honest, Doug Hutchison looks even worse (I know, I was surprised, too). Watching the two of them interact with one another is really kind of painful. It’s like watching some kind of weird, incestuous relationship between a father and a daughter, and my skin is f-cking crawling just typing all that. Both of these characters are seriously weird birds, and I’m almost kind of excited by the prospect of this whole weird-bird thing completely imploding come Courtney’s eighteenth birthday, and you know what? I’m not sorry for it.

12 CommentsLeave a comment

    • That’s what I was wondering. I thought Doug was filming when she’s by herself, but obviously someone else is shooting when they are together. So who’s the foolio filming?

  • I cannot believe I just wasted 5 minutes of my life watching that. What exactly was it to do with her turning 18. And did anyone else want to take her hooker shoe off and smack her in the head with it…if your foot hurts that bad put some flats on girl!

  • she really looked like she was trying to push him away at the end after she turned her head so he could not kiss her. who doesn’t want to be put on the same level of love as shoes?

  • Well, I hope she gets some nice shower/exfoliating products for her birthday, she always looks like she needs a good wash. And that’s just been confirmed by the view of the foot, ugh.

  • Didn’t watch the video (can’t bring myself to do that) but loved the analysis and predictions. Can’t wait for August!

  • I watched with the sound off and I still only made it through to the phone call.

    Has anyone else noticed that she walks like Peggy Bundy from “Married With Children”? XD

  • Doug will probably buy her rill fake tits so she can expose herself without showing that so far it’s all padding. She also goes to the Courtney Stodden Needs More Drugs page and says nasty things, calls people ugly, makes racist remarks, etc, then removes them, like they haven’t been either screen-capped or copies are in someone’s mailbox. For someone who wants to whine on youtube about ‘being bullied’, she does an awfully fair amount of it herself.