Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Courtney Stodden Sure Loves Christmas

A photo of Courtney Stodden

And why wouldn’t she? After all, Courtney Stodden is, among other things, a deeply religious young lady, and as such, she truly understands the meaning of Christmas. She definitely has the holiday spirit about her, and to prove it, I’ll show you a few of her famous tweets that explain just how excited she is for the holidays!

Feeling icy & exotic as a snowy white sheer sweater drapes from my sensuous shape while my soul becomes enchanted with the holiday spirit!

Caressing the essence of Christmas with my flirty spirit as I festively dive into a sexy santa suit & jingle my bells to hot holiday hits!

Mr Santa Claus? If I let you seductively slide down my stocking & taste every piece of my candy… will I still be on your naughty list?

When rds become magically aligned with the shimmering crystals of Christmas & folks glaze their homes with frosting; Life becomes a fantasy

Dear Mr Santa: When you silently sneak down my chimney this year & into my home… I guarantee you will be leaving saying HO-HO-HO! ;) XOs

Dear Santa: Since you work so HARD to satisfy, I will be leaving you a lil’ more than just creamy cookies for your sweet tooth this year…

Um, is anyone allowed to talk about Santa Claus like this? Does anyone else feel like they just broke a law by reading these tweets? Actually, forget the law, does anyone else feel like they need a bath?

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  • I feel the need to douse my brain with bleach everytime I read this genius child slut’s poetic prose….. Percy is obviously not satisfying his Frankenbride…… Ugh…. Just vomicked….

  • I’m actually more surprised with her vocabulary than with anything else about her. I mean, your average slut has only like 3 or 4 ways of saying she wants to fuck someone… and only 1 to convey how sexy she allegedly is.

  • Oh ew…that one about Santa tasting her candy?! I’m so UNCOMFORTABLE reading that! Then again, she is used to screwing old guys, but COME ON. Its Santa, not your husband!

  • This … err … whatever it is manages to offend me at every level.

    She massacres my sight by taking her hotness and strangling it under bad makeup and idiotic clothes.

    She massacres my soul and ears by acting like a chimp on adderall in public, and saying stuff.

    She massacres (molests) my poor language with her idiotic-formulaic drivel. It isn’t inspired. It isn’t clever. It isn’t erotic. It’s turgid, craptastic, and annoying. I COULD write some funny analogs to what she’s written by using metaphor shifts, but it’d be like “shooting ducks in a barrel”.

    The way I see the creepy bastard she’s married to: The girl has mental issues, so he’s like the creep that hits up a mentally disabled girl ’cause she can’t say no.

    She’s obviously VERY DESPERATE to get noticed and is OK with dangling her bleeding hand over a horde of zombies. She married one.

    Echhh. Who could find THIS attractive? She doesn’t even look young. I keep thinking she looks 30, when I can bear looking at her.

  • so wrong. doug’s writing that shit, people, didn’t we just see a fresh new interview where she stumbles over her words & can’t intellectually put a THING together? gross & mind numbing in so many ways…

  • Still, if there were some kind of market for X-rated, badly-versed Christmas cards, instead of normal, badly-versed ones, whoever actually did write this drivel might make a few $…unless there already is? (I lead a sheltered existence) and then it’s just plagiarism. Either way, you just want to lose your lunch.

  • She sells sea-shells down by the sea shore in red leather yellow leather rubber baby buggy bumpers….and to all a good-night~