Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Photographic Evidence That Ashlee Simpson Is A Succubus

A photo of Pete Wentz

What, you were expecting some pictures of Ashlee Simpson literally sucking the soul out of some dude? I’m sorry, but we treasure subtlety around here, thank you. And besides, would anyone actually want to see pictures of Ashlee Simpson in such a compromising position? I didn’t think so.

But check out these new pictures of Pete Wentz with his adorable son. Look how happy he looks, and look back at how happy he’s been looking since the divorce began. It’s as if he’s finally broken free of the chains of the dreaded succubus, rightfully keeping his soul inside himself and growing stronger for it. It’s as if he’s finally tasted a freedom that he’s never even heard of, and he’s not letting go any time soon. Hold on to it, Pete. Your soul is a shooting star that you can ride to destinations you’ve only dreamed of, as long as you stay away from that heinous bitch.