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Zayn Malik

2Are Zayne Malik and Perrie Edwards Getting Married in Barbados?

zayn malik perrie edwards

In one of the most ill-advised couplings I’ve ever laid eyes on, One Direction‘s Zayn Malik and Little Mix singer Perrie Edwards got engaged earlier this year, because nothing says “lifelong partnership” more than a cheating scandal, of course. In any case, they’re going to tie the knot and there’s nothing any of us can do about it, okay?

While no wedding has been planned as yet (that we know of, anyway), apparently they may hold a ceremony in Barbados soon. This according to Perrie in an interview with The Mirror:

It’s a wedding to cement two souls… and one that will break about two billion teenage hearts.

But Perrie Edwards and Zayn Malik’s nuptial plans are gearing up a notch, with the Little Mix star revealing they’re now considering a beachside ceremony – in Barbados.

Which, of course, would make perfect sense given their mutual boss, and X Factor matchmaker Simon Cowell has a home there.

And while the loved-up pair, who got engaged three months ago, were expected to tie the knot next year, I can reveal they are now looking at a 2015 do.

The Little Mix lady confirmed: “I think maybe Barbados; I would like it on the beach. There may well be an Indian element for Zayn’s family… I’d like that.”

The couple, who first snogged backstage at X Factor when the girls got through to the live finals stage, reunited last week after One Direction’s Take Me Home world tour finally came to a close.

It means the One Direction pin-up and Perrie can spend the next few weeks finalising plans for their much-hyped bash. A source adds: “Absolutely nothing has been set in stone and they’re both floating ideas around all the time.

Well, that sounds… special. I know this probably makes me a bit of a pessimist but there’s no way these two are going to last. Although if Perrie is the permissive type and doesn’t mind what Zayn sticks his dick in every now and again, maybe they’ll prove me wrong. It’s a shame, though! I love me some Little Mix and they’re great inspirations to little girls. I know your personal life doesn’t have to become public, but keep that girl power going and maybe stand up for yourself? Eh, these waters are deeper than I can be bothered to wade into this morning, especially when it concerns teen popstars.

November 11, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

5More Bullshit: Zayn From One Direction Dresses Like a Woman In New Video

If there’s anything more hilarious/super fun to parody than effeminate gay men, it’s gotta be dressing in drag! Zayn Malik gets to play a “sexy assistant” called Veronica for One Direction‘s video for ‘Best Song Ever’. In case you forgot, Liam‘s a “flamboyant” gay dude who tells women that their eyes match their sweater. Somehow, I feel like this is going to be the WORST video ever. Seriously – what is the concept for this video? Try to impersonate marginalised groups for laughs? Sending a secret message about how they’re all actually secret gay cross-dressers?

One Direction is the worst, and I don’t expect them for one second to have any modicum of common sense or reflection on the implications of their “work”. They’re probably too braindead from all the hair spray and vagina (penis?) fumes. However, they do have handlers and producers and management who should be able to look at certain things and recognise how tasteless they are.

July 22, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer

5One Direction Has Been Warned to Stop the Womanizing: A Story in Gifs

Despite having the faces, bodies and voices of 12-year-old boys, apparently One Direction are hot shit and everyone wants to bone them (and we’re not just talking other 12-year-olds here). While Harry Styles is the most open about how much more he loves bedroom activities than music, the other group members aren’t so innocent, either. Zayn Malik was recently caught in a cheating scandal with his girlfriend Perrie Edwards from Little Mix, and Niall Horan is said to have broken up with his longtime girlfriend recently since he’s “not ready for love”. After all, what better time is there in a young lad’s life to sew his wild oats than whilst in the throes of inevitably fleeting fame?

The completely reputable newspaper The Daily Star reports that One Direction’s record label have warned them off the ladies in an effort to get them to focus on making better music – probably so they can get at least one more album to bank before fading into the land of teen nostalgia, where they belong.

The Take Me Home lads were given the dressing down by their Syco label bosses who told them relationship dramas are distracting from their chart success.

A source close to the band said: “One Direction are having No.1s all over the world but all anyone seems to be talking about is their relationships.

“Harry and Zayn were told the focus needs to move away from which girls they’re getting intimate with and be more about the music.”

Here’s the thing with One Direction: I doubt it was ever really “about the music” – fame, girls and money are obviously what motivated these kids to try out for The X Factor, and certainly what motivated the producers to stick them together in a group, sign them to a deal even though they came in third place on the show and promote them mercilessly to pre-teens who will beg their parents to buy them the magazines, lunchboxes and Trapper Keepers or whatever other bullshit merchandise they can churn out.

In any case, apparently the boys have to inform their label if they do want to start a new relationship just in case the girl in question wants to blab to the press once they break up.

They were told to inform management when romances start so non-disclosure agreements can be drawn up. A label source said: “The Zayn scandal wasn’t the kind of attention bosses want for the band. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, it still chips away at their squeaky-clean image.”

Sure, sounds legit. Also, sounds like a plan that will totally work… not. If these boys want to sleep around with random girls they meet on the road or whatever, they’re going to do it and no mandate from management or anyone else is going to stop them. Besides, I think Syco is taking things a bit seriously in assuming that anyone is into One Direction for the “music”. Don’t get me wrong – their songs are total earworms that I find myself begrudgingly singing along to when they’re on the radio, but my soul isn’t fed by the lyrics of ‘Little Things’, you know?

February 17, 2013 at 2:00 pm by Jennifer